I need help with a few things.

[Sylverius]

Okay so basically, I'm a returning writer who had spent around a year or so writing fanfics and whatnot to help improve myself via immersion, writing in-character actions, so on and so forth.

Now that the recap about me is out of the way, here's my problems:

1.) Is it bad to repeatedly write words like "as" once per paragraph?

2.) How do I know if I've improved my writing or not?

Okay so the second part is a bit of a conundrum. I KNOW I've improved, but the thing is, how does one know if they've improved significantly?

Spoiler: Just in case you guys want to know, this is my writing nowadays

One day, as Doran wasn't working...


"Alright chief, you ready?" A man holds his wooden sword, with Doran also holding his.


"Yeah. Come at me."


"Haa!" The man charges at him with a thrust, with Doran stepping to the side. Before the thrust could even continue extending however, he switches its direction to create a swipe, to which Doran jumps back from.


The man doesn't stop relenting, continuing to unleash a flurry of slashes whilst Doran continues evading from.


"You'll have to be better than that, seeing as you're our town's guard, Ammar~" Doran jokes as he ducks from one of Ammar's slashes.


"Gosh damnit Doran, you're so tall and thin, yet you move like a fucking insect!" Ammar rants as he steps on the ground repeatedly, with Doran laughing.


"Hehe, seems like you couldn't get your eyes off of them couldn't you?" Alicia wipes away the saliva running down Kier's cheek as he watches the two men banter, "That's how your father fights. The way to win battles is not just by overpowering them with pure power... But by technique too. Let's watch, okay?" She gives a gentle smile before kissing his forehead.


After a while, Doran and Ammar get serious, the two of them possessing a stance that showed that they were ready to clash their weapons.


One second. Two seconds. Then three-


All of a sudden, the two disappear and reappear in split moments, the sound filling Kier's and Alicia's ears weren't that of their grunting or yelling, but rather, the sounds of wood clashing one another and only that sound. Yet even with their impressive speed, the speed at which their sword clashes continues to accelerate.


<F-Fast... And they're even getting faster and faster?> Kier could only be astonished as his untrained eyes tries to catch up with their speed. Throughout the flashes of their appearance, Kier could barely make out and see that Ammar was struggling to maintain that acceleration, while Doran was smiling.


After a few more exchanges, Ammar stops, panting as he stabs his sword to the ground, "I give... Haa..." He wipes away the sweat on his forehead, with Doran extending his hand towards him.


"Here, let's sit down properly so we can have a chat." He smiles. Ammar rolls his eyes before he takes Doran's hand.


"Geez, this prodigious bastard... I never saw you get tired except that one night with Alicia-" Doran instantly punches Ammar's gut.


"Haha, let's not say that in front of my child, you bastard."


"Fff... Fucker."

Before you say some stuff about "Why are you asking this?", please know that there's one thing coming to my mind before I got to posting this... "This is a shit question isn't it?" And to that I say, "Better to try than to not at all."

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

1.) Is it bad to repeatedly write words like "as" once per paragraph?

It depends, but try to avoid it, as repetition can sometimes break immersion.

2.) How do I know if I've improved my writing or not?

Have others read it and critique it. It's the only way you'll know you've improved.

but the thing is, how does one know if they've improved significantly?

Well, I personally know how I've improved when I reread my stories and find myself correcting things, whether it's dialogue or rewriting the entire chapter. However, there will always be places to improve, no matter how many times you reread, which can become a vicious cycle if you aren't careful.

It is important to know that no writing is perfect and will never be.


You have a lot of repetition in your writing, which is what you were worried about. Try to substitute the character's names for how they look or what they are.

Let's say one is a wolf boy, so instead of calling him Ammar, you say, The wolf boy huffs or stuff like that. You can also go with hair color; the brown-eyed man cries, or anything that separates the characters.


Anyways, good luck writing!

Before you say some stuff about "Why are you asking this?", please know that there's one thing coming to my mind before I got to posting this... "This is a shit question isn't it?" And to that I say, "Better to try than to not at all."

FYI, there isn't such a thing as a bad question. Don't ever be afraid to ask because the only fool is an ignorant one.

 

[jrell]

Doran jokes as he ducks from one of Ammar's slashes -> Doran jokes, ducking from one of Ammar's slashes

 

[Story_Marc]

Here's my tip: stop writing in present tense.

Anyway, I honestly say you'd know if you improved significantly if you could see all the issues and flaws in your past decisions. You're not someone fumbling through the dark or just going off the "it feels right to me" type of stuff. You know what you did and how to replicate it in different contexts. You can identify things for yourself, or when they are identified (since, hey, we all can overlook something), you know how to address the issue as well as if it's an issue worth addressing.

That's what I'd argue is a significant improvement.

 

[melchi]

Writing - [Tutorial] Writing ACTION 2: The Plug & Play Method

Writing Action Scenes: The Plug & Play Method Writing ACTION 2 ☕ WARNING! This tutorial is NOT meant for those do Creative Writing. This essay was originally written for writers seeking to be professionally published authors. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid...

forum.scribblehub.com

Some more detail. The correct way to use "As" in fiction is either at the start of a sentence or as a comparison.

EX: As Sylverius typed, a new notification came in. (GOOD)

A new notification came in as Sylverius typed. (BAD)

EX2: She was cold as Ice. (GOOD)

 

[Sylverius]

Have others read it and critique it. It's the only way you'll know you've improved.

I've had my friends critique it, but I'm a bit concerned that they might be biased because I'm their friend or that they haven't read that much novels.

Well, I personally know how I've improved when I reread my stories and find myself correcting things, whether it's dialogue or rewriting the entire chapter. However, there will always be places to improve, no matter how many times you reread, which can become a vicious cycle if you aren't careful.

It is important to know that no writing is perfect and will never be.

I see... I suppose the best thing to know is whether I'd cringe when I reread it huh?

You have a lot of repetition in your writing, which is what you were worried about. Try to substitute the character's names for how they look or what they are.

Let's say one is a wolf boy, so instead of calling him Ammar, you say, The wolf boy huffs or stuff like that. You can also go with hair color; the brown-eyed man cries, or anything that separates the characters.

Alright, I'll try just that.

Anyways, good luck writing!

Thanks! You too, if you're still writing. If not, then good day/night!

Doran jokes as he ducks from one of Ammar's slashes -> Doran jokes, ducking from one of Ammar's slashes

Wouldn't "He jokes before ducking from one of Ammar's slashes" be better or no?

Here's my tip: stop writing in present tense.

Wait really? That's a bit of a surprise... Can I at least know why so I can understand it? I'd love to see different points.

Anyway, I honestly say you'd know if you improved significantly if you could see all the issues and flaws in your past decisions. You're not someone fumbling through the dark or just going off the "it feels right to me" type of stuff. You know what you did and how to replicate it in different contexts. You can identify things for yourself, or when they are identified (since, hey, we all can overlook something), you know how to address the issue as well as if it's an issue worth addressing.

That's what I'd argue is a significant improvement.

Uhh... Is it bad that I'm still the "It feels right to me" type of guy? HAHAHA

Writing - [Tutorial] Writing ACTION 2: The Plug & Play Method

Writing Action Scenes: The Plug & Play Method Writing ACTION 2 ☕ WARNING! This tutorial is NOT meant for those do Creative Writing. This essay was originally written for writers seeking to be professionally published authors. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid...

forum.scribblehub.com

Some more detail. The correct way to use "As" in fiction is either at the start of a sentence or as a comparison.

EX: As Sylverius typed, a new notification came in. (GOOD)

A new notification came in as Sylverius typed. (BAD)

EX2: She was cold as Ice. (GOOD)

Good tip, I'll try it out (and read the thread you sent).

 

[jrell]

Wouldn't "He jokes before ducking from one of Ammar's slashes" be better or no?

Though both are correct, using a comma provides a clearer separation between the actions in this particular case.

 

[Sylverius]

Though both are correct, using a comma provides a clearer separation between the actions in this particular case.

I see I see, but what if we incorporate both to turn it into
"He jokes, before ducking from one of Ammar's slashes"
... Okay now that I think about it, it looks worse.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

I've had my friends critique it, but I'm a bit concerned that they might be biased because I'm their friend or that they haven't read that much novels.

Strangers will be truthful but sometimes too harsh. Just got to build a tough skin for those types of critiques.

I see... I suppose the best thing to know is whether I'd cringe when I reread it huh?

Yep.

Alright, I'll try just that.

There is a lot more to improve that was just from a quick peak, but if you'd like, you could always DM me, and I'll try to help whenever I have time.

Thanks! You too, if you're still writing. If not, then good day/night!

Thank you! I still do!

 

[greyblob]

1.) Is it bad to repeatedly write words like "as" once per paragraph?

yes. its a crutch

How do I know if I've improved my writing or not?

when you review previous work and notice glaring mistakes, identify bad practices you've used, or think of a better way for something to be rewritten

 

[Story_Marc]

@Sylverius I'll likely make a video on that with present tense as it's a whole thing. It isn't commonly used in more polished literature, though. Some examples exist, but regardless, I'd say abandon it if you cannot vary your sentences.

Regardless, I doubt you've significantly improved if you can't think beyond your gut. Improvement often comes from the ability to break down and analyze decisions. To understand why something works or doesn't work. This allows a writer to replicate success and avoid pitfalls consistently. If someone can't explain their choices, they're more likely to struggle when intuition fails them or when they encounter more complex challenges in their writing. Whether that's good or not is yours to decide, as it's a matter of what you want from writing.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

1.) Is it bad to repeatedly write words like "as" once per paragraph?

Usually repetitive use of one word is a bad thing There are exceptions, like when the word is part of a character's personality quirk and it just slips in there, but in general you should look for different words to convey the same thing.

2.) How do I know if I've improved my writing or not?

You never really do. And a writer is usually their own harshest critic (for those who are not, they are often best avoided)

Okay so the second part is a bit of a conundrum. I KNOW I've improved, but the thing is, how does one know if they've improved significantly?

Spoiler: Just in case you guys want to know, this is my writing nowadays

One day, as Doran wasn't working...

Spoiler: Just in case you guys want to know, this is my writing nowadays

One day while Doran was out of (or off of) work... [or "is out of work" if you want to keep it all in the present tense]

"Alright chief, you ready?" A man holds his wooden sword, with Doran also holding his.

A man held a wooden sword out in a defensive stance and asked Doran: "Alright chief, are you ready?"
Doran grabbed his own wooden sword and said: "Yeah, come at me."

"Yeah. Come at me."


"Haa!" The man charges at him with a thrust, with Doran stepping to the side. Before the thrust could even continue extending however, he switches its direction to create a swipe, to which Doran jumps back from.


The man doesn't stop relenting, continuing to unleash a flurry of slashes whilst Doran continues evading from.


"You'll have to be better than that, seeing as you're our town's guard, Ammar~" Doran jokes as he ducks from one of Ammar's slashes.


"Gosh damnit Doran, you're so tall and thin, yet you move like a fucking insect!" Ammar rants as he steps on the ground repeatedly, with Doran laughing.


"Hehe, seems like you couldn't get your eyes off of them couldn't you?" Alicia wipes away the saliva running down Kier's cheek as he watches the two men banter, "That's how your father fights. The way to win battles is not just by overpowering them with pure power... But by technique too. Let's watch, okay?" She gives a gentle smile before kissing his forehead.


After a while, Doran and Ammar get serious, the two of them possessing a stance that showed that they were ready to clash their weapons.


One second. Two seconds. Then three-


All of a sudden, the two disappear and reappear in split moments, the sound filling Kier's and Alicia's ears weren't that of their grunting or yelling, but rather, the sounds of wood clashing one another and only that sound. Yet even with their impressive speed, the speed at which their sword clashes continues to accelerate.


<F-Fast... And they're even getting faster and faster?> Kier could only be astonished as his untrained eyes tries to catch up with their speed. Throughout the flashes of their appearance, Kier could barely make out and see that Ammar was struggling to maintain that acceleration, while Doran was smiling.


After a few more exchanges, Ammar stops, panting as he stabs his sword to the ground, "I give... Haa..." He wipes away the sweat on his forehead, with Doran extending his hand towards him.


"Here, let's sit down properly so we can have a chat." He smiles. Ammar rolls his eyes before he takes Doran's hand.


"Geez, this prodigious bastard... I never saw you get tired except that one night with Alicia-" Doran instantly punches Ammar's gut.


"Haha, let's not say that in front of my child, you bastard."


"Fff... Fucker."

Before you say some stuff about "Why are you asking this?", please know that there's one thing coming to my mind before I got to posting this... "This is a shit question isn't it?" And to that I say, "Better to try than to not at all."

One thing here is that you tend to mix tenses - past (wasn't working) and present (slashes out). Need to keep a better eye on that, If you want everything to feel immediate and "live" then stick in the present tense; if you are telling a more traditional story that "already happened" then stick to the past tense. It can be difficult, but it can be jarring when the tense shifts.