I need feedback.

[So_Indecisive]

So for the first time I actually published something I wrote. It's a fa fiction based on My Hero Academia.
There isn't much going on since it's at 3 chapters now but I need feedback.
Is my writing style coherent, is the cover bad, is the synopsis not concise enough.
Hell do you think the name of the novel or the chapter titles are weird.
It's been three days and I haven't received the slightest feedback.

MHA: LAW OF MOTION

A drifter who found his anchor, only to meet an untimely demise, and the one man who would change superhuman society forever. Discrimination against mutant quirk holders, systemic suppression of quirks, and a rebellion that had been simmering for decades. At the heart of all this, 15-year-old...

www.scribblehub.com

Also I'll review any works posted on here. I may not have much professional knowledge but at least I've been reading webnovels almost daily for almost six years

 

[DismaiNaim]

I got about halfway through and started wondering if this was written with generative tools. There's a lot of repetition and rephrasing, the restating, and a whole lot of words for not a lot going on. Then I read the comment at the bottom where you are at honest about it, which is good.

So it's hard to offer feedback where I can't tell what you've actually written, and what chatgpt wrote, but the same rules apply.

Your action feels nonsensical. You go from soldiers fighting some giant, then you forget about the giant and have the two friends go through a fairly cliché conversation before hitting each other only to have more conversation, and still whatever happened to the giant?

The opening sequence feels a bit campy, some awkward and unnatural word choices, that's what I got from the first chapter.

Anyway here's mine, I didn't use any generative tools https://www.scribblehub.com/series/967246/a-place-to-bloom/

 

[So_Indecisive]

I got about halfway through and started wondering if this was written with generative tools. There's a lot of repetition and rephrasing, the restating, and a whole lot of words for not a lot going on. Then I read the comment at the bottom where you are at honest about it, which is good.

So it's hard to offer feedback where I can't tell what you've actually written, and what chatgpt wrote, but the same rules apply.

Your action feels nonsensical. You go from soldiers fighting some giant, then you forget about the giant and have the two friends go through a fairly cliché conversation before hitting each other only to have more conversation, and still whatever happened to the giant?

The opening sequence feels a bit campy, some awkward and unnatural word choices, that's what I got from the first chapter.

Anyway here's mine, I didn't use any generative tools https://www.scribblehub.com/series/967246/a-place-to-bloom/

Thanks for the review. As I learn more while writing I feel a very strong urge to rewrite everything still.

Anyway here's mine, I didn't use any generative tools https://www.scribblehub.com/series/967246/a-place-to-bloom/

I've been reading webnovels for so long that I kinda got confused reading an actual novel ?.

I read the first two chapters and here's what I observed. In the first chapter I was confused by the way everyone was speaking. I don't know if it's a stylistic choice to make the characters speak in what seems like archaic English (I'm not talking about the prayers I know it's an excerpt from the KJV bible).

Then it's like you decided to abandon it all together and changed dialogue to normal English and I was able to understand.

Also when you were describing this.

Standing in the doorway to the altar was a man with a worn face and long, graying hair wearing polished mail armor with a red sash bearing the gold lettering of the Count over one shoulder held by a gold clasp of Falcon with His wings swept in a dive. At his belt he had a sword with a diamond-tree stone in a weighted brass bulb at the end of the handle. He faced me with a small, folded piece of paper in one hand.

I got confused at the 'gold clasp of Falcon with His wings swept in a dive.' is it a problem with my reading comprehension?

Apart from some descriptions the first chapter was interesting very humourous.

The second chapter on the other hand got me confused. I frankly could not tell who was speaking and who was being spoken to.

A lot of characters were introduced in this chapter with all of them competing to make their voices heard.

I don't know if it was a problem with the spacing or my brain becoming slow from sleep deprivation but I found myself throughout this chapter going back to lines I read before to have an idea of who was speaking and I literally skipped past some descriptions only to crawl back in embarrassment as what I read became incomprehensible.

Maybe you are planning to publish this book traditionally that's why its written the way it is I'm not an editor so I wouldn't know but it doesn't feel like a Webnovel but a paperback.

Also are you writing in third person or first person it feels a bit like you switched halfway through the first chapter.

 

[DismaiNaim]

Thanks for the review. As I learn more while writing I feel a very strong urge to rewrite everything still.

I've been reading webnovels for so long that I kinda got confused reading an actual novel ?.

I read the first two chapters and here's what I observed. In the first chapter I was confused by the way everyone was speaking. I don't know if it's a stylistic choice to make the characters speak in what seems like archaic English (I'm not talking about the prayers I know it's an excerpt from the KJV bible).

Then it's like you decided to abandon it all together and changed dialogue to normal English and I was able to understand.

Also when you were describing this.

Standing in the doorway to the altar was a man with a worn face and long, graying hair wearing polished mail armor with a red sash bearing the gold lettering of the Count over one shoulder held by a gold clasp of Falcon with His wings swept in a dive. At his belt he had a sword with a diamond-tree stone in a weighted brass bulb at the end of the handle. He faced me with a small, folded piece of paper in one hand.

I got confused at the 'gold clasp of Falcon with His wings swept in a dive.' is it a problem with my reading comprehension?

Apart from some descriptions the first chapter was interesting very humourous.

The second chapter on the other hand got me confused. I frankly could not tell who was speaking and who was being spoken to.

A lot of characters were introduced in this chapter with all of them competing to make their voices heard.

I don't know if it was a problem with the spacing or my brain becoming slow from sleep deprivation but I found myself throughout this chapter going back to lines I read before to have an idea of who was speaking and I literally skipped past some descriptions only to crawl back in embarrassment as what I read became incomprehensible.

Maybe you are planning to publish this book traditionally that's why its written the way it is I'm not an editor so I wouldn't know but it doesn't feel like a Webnovel but a paperback.

Also are you writing in third person or first person it feels a bit like you switched halfway through the first chapter.

I'm curious. What is it that makes it feel like a novel? I started out as a web-novel, and it's always been a web-novel. I have no plans to release it otherwise. So I have to wonder where you're getting that impression from?

Also where do you see 3rd person?

 

[Deep__aureate]

The story is well-written with a realistic MC, but nothing hooked me or made me look forward to the next part. It felt like a casual, popcorn read. It might improve with a more engaging plot, or maybe it just doesnt align with my personal taste.
Here is mine : https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1450962-requiem-of-secrets/chapter/1450966/