I just released a my first novel. Please give it a read and feedback.

OscarTlau

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24 years after demons started attacking Earth as Humans fight for their survival.

Humanity has far advanced in the future and yet, the demons have consumed almost half of Earth.

Praying has proved useless, for the gods have banished their eyes from the sinners. Angels arrived though not for aid, but seeking for a,"pandora's box." A powerful prison made by Lumen, the Eternal god of light, trapping a creature whose name stuck fear to divinity itself, whose face none has seen, whose power exceeds beyond those of the gods.

Minos, created to be the perfect human being. Seeking a path out of his prison and driven by a burning desire for vengeance, he sought to strike down the very being he believed to be his creators.

The Two Eternal gods, Lumen and Umbra. Clashing a war against each other, Umbra, for the complete control Lumen's power and the whole of Celestia, a place of light. Yet both seek to track down Minos, either for their own gain or to put an end to his,"escape."

As Minos embarks on his quest for vengeance, he must navigate a world fraught with peril, seek a way out of his prison, and challenge the very beings he once believed to be his creators. Amidst his journey, he will forge alliances and may encounter a companion who could change his fate in unexpected ways.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1215877/the-chronicles-of-the-scarlet-king/ You can read it here
 

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OscarTlau

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Is this video game fanfiction or what?-

._.

No offense. Not my kinda thing.
It's an action adventure type novel. I understand if it is not your interest. Thank you for checking it out anyways
Just a heads-up, by the way.

*Chronicles*, not Cronicles.
Thank you. I did not double check everything it seems.
The very poor grammar makes it hard to read
It is my first time writing a novel. Even though english is not my first language, I try to use as much correct grammar as I could. Thanks for the feedback though, hope you do check it out again sometime.
 

CharlesEBrown

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The blurb needs some work - uses a lot of words to say very little.

Frequent use of "high tech" to describe gear feels ... awkward. It would not seem "high tech" to the CHARACTERS (maybe "advanced" or something - or just explain what is high-tech about it - communication array? Force field projection? Built in range finders? Life support gear? Built in sat-nav system?

For example:
Victor's heavy suit, resembling a bomb disposal suit but with enhanced armor and high-tech features, provided both protection and functionality. His light machine gun was slung across his back. The suit's advanced technology enabled Victor to endure even the fall of a large building, extreme arctic cold, blazing hot lava, and even a sharp sword or a high-caliber bullet.
The first sentence should not mention the "high-tech features" as that is detailed in the third sentence and just becomes redundant.

Overall, there is a lot of really good stuff here, but enough stuff that is not that good that it feels like someone installed random speed bumps on the autobahn. It really needs a solid editor with a feel for your style (preferably someone who knows military fiction, at least from what I've read so far)
 

OscarTlau

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Frequent use of "high tech" to describe gear feels ... awkward. It would not seem "high tech" to the CHARACTERS (maybe "advanced" or something - or just explain what is high-tech about it - communication array? Force field projection? Built in range finders? Life support gear? Built in sat-nav system?
i will not deny that i rushed that part. Mostly because I wanted the other characters to introduce its gears but later could not find an appropriate time to do so.
Overall, there is a lot of really good stuff here, but enough stuff that is not that good that it feels like someone installed random speed bumps on the autobahn. It really needs a solid editor with a feel for your style (preferably someone who knows military fiction, at least from what I've read so far)
I WILL do more rescearch on facts about military, as it will also help me in the future. I am glad you gave it a read, and I thank you for the sincere feedback.
The blurb needs some work - uses a lot of words to say very little.
I will take note on that.
 
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