I am surrounded by nutjobs and my life is a gag show

[CheertheSecond]

"Do you agree [redacted] and [redacted] are very good to me? You saw how they helped me. You know it."
"What the fuck does that have to do with you wanting to woo their mom?" -me
"I just want to repay them by being the man of their family: helping their mom and them."

 

[DeepWater]

"Hey, your Mom's cute can I ask if she's single?"