Humbly requesting that sweet, sweet feedback

[TheIcMan]

As the title says. I've been writing in an echo chamber for a couple months and everything is looking alright to me. Which is a problem Only got the first chapter up right now, and I'm planning on posting the rest once I finish my first arc.

Any and all feedback is welcome, if you can! Thanks!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/575432/ballad-of-the-peacekeepers-sun-of-the-beasts/

 

[Cipiteca396]

Rather interesting work so far. My only real complaint is that it's hard to tell just how beastly these beastkin Gaeans are. They're always named as animals(not animal-men/people), but they seem to be bipedal and have grasping limbs. At the same time one is described as having hooved hands, which... is hard to imagine. Maybe some kind of introduction, author's note, or glossary entry that describes the races might be in order.

Also in the first paragraph, I'd use 'flew through the air' rather than 'flung in the air'.

 

[TheIcMan]

Rather interesting work so far. My only real complaint is that it's hard to tell just how beastly these beastkin Gaeans are. They're always named as animals(not animal-men/people), but they seem to be bipedal and have grasping limbs. At the same time one is described as having hooved hands, which... is hard to imagine. Maybe some kind of introduction, author's note, or glossary entry that describes the races might be in order.

Also in the first paragraph, I'd use 'flew through the air' rather than 'flung in the air'.

Thanks!
Yeah, describing the beast people was the first major hurdle I had to overcome, so good to know it's not exactly clear right away. I'd definitely prefer to make that natural in the story and not external, so I'll be thinking about that.

And for your last point, thank you haha. That's basically what I mean by saying things look fine when they aren't lol