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Nightfall6344

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Hi! currently polishing a novel I started writing some time ago.
It’s a psychological, supernatural, fantasy style novel, but thare are few part that focuses on trauma, identity, and fractured reality rather than fast action.
If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, I’d really appreciate you giving it a try..

Title: [Veil Of Midnight]

Genre: Fantasy, Psychological, Mystery, Supernatural, Romance (Slow-Burn), Tragedy.

Main Character:
Bian Garcia. She remembers nothing about her past and lives under the weight of a strange, dreamlike world that repeatedly tortures her.

Story Description:
The 1st chapter you'll be placed Bian’s inner world is nightmarish and unreal. She is trapped in a recurring nightmare and it won't let her rest or go.
When she wakes, the world continues as usual, normal—school, friends, routine.

Romance:
A slow-burn romance.

Focus:
Character-driven and psychological, inner conflict, atmosphere, and emotional unraveling.
Link: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2024312/veil-of-midnight/
[/"I want to get away from here.”
{You can't.}
"Let me leave.”
{You can't.}
"Please, let me—”
{Close....the....Door.}
Bian’s childhood ends the day her father’s violence teaches her that survival means silence. As she grows, she is drawn into vivid dreams of sealed doors, forgotten realms, and voices that refuse to let her leave. What begins as an escape from reality slowly becomes a warning.
When tragedy strikes and the sealed door finally opens, monsters spill into reality and Bian discovers the truth of her origin. Bound to powers she does not fully control and cursed to relive her own destruction through regression, she watches the people she loves suffer again and again for her sake.
Forced to choose between preserving the fragile peace she has built or confronting the truth behind her existence, Bian must face the entity bound to her bloodline and decide whether to end the cycle of suffering—or become its final catalyst.]
 
Worthy39

Worthy39

The protagonist's third cousin, twice removed
Joined
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Messages
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Are you leaving for a while, or for good? If it's just a while, then have a nice trip. If you're leaving permanently, then I'll totally put the link to my story up here to get a review before you go.
 
Hoshino

Hoshino

Hoshino not found
Joined
Dec 23, 2024
Messages
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Rookieqw said:
Thank you for your kind offer! Here's my current story

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1950602/overcome/

My goal is to earn comments (not money or anything like that). So any advice on how to improve to earn readers and their interaction would be awesome.
Click to expand...
I'm going to be completely honest here-nya.

First of all, as a reader, I wouldn't read this story. In fact, I wouldn't even click on it based on the cover and title alone. It would just go past me as another story in the sea of stories.

Now, if I do actually read it, the synopsis alone doesn't do it.

Even three hundred years after the apocalyptic catastrophe that destroyed the Old World, danger still lurks in the world. Raiders, slavers, monsters, and feral mutants prey on the weak.
Click to expand...

So it's a post-apocalyptic story.

But when a band of one of them dares to ravage a settlement of Oathtakers, the Onyx Order is tasked with traveling to the lawless lands of Volnitsa to exact vengeance and return their kidnapped fellow citizens.
Click to expand...

Too vague. Too many proper nouns. Clarify them a bit, or perhaps reduce them.

But in their righteous quest for retribution, they will make an unexpected discovery, a discovery that will bring them much deadly attention.
Click to expand...

Too abstract.

Will the Order's crusaders and the rescued civilians be able to overcome their personal and shared difficulties, prejudices, and temptations to complete the mission and successfully escape when the claws of Paikan, the ruler of Volnitsa, begin to close in on them?
Click to expand...

Too much of a rhetorical question. Perhaps replace it with a statement rather than a question.

Okay, moving to chapter one.

You have good worldbuilding, and it's decently written. I give you that. But I have to say this: I would drop this by the third paragraph. Too much plot exposition, pacing is meh, fight scenes lack clarity, and emotional impact is very weak. I would say more, but since you asked about gaining readers, I'm going to stop.

Right now, the average reader would stop at the synopsis if they even click on your book.

You right now need a better cover that would attract the reader. Most of the time, it's done by putting the main female lead on the cover, but you can improve it by making it more vibrant and adding more small details that would make it more attractive. (And as a side note: right now it looks like a tower rather than a tower.)

The synopsis definitely needs improvement. Make it more alluring and interesting, something that would make you click on it. Read it to yourself: would you read this? Would another person read this kind of synopsis?

And for reader interaction: many people would say to add an author's note at the end. However, that may only work some of the time.

Readers comment when:

  • A character does something stupid
  • A character makes a moral choice
  • A character surprises them
And so on. If the characters fall flat, or rather are one-dimensional, interaction drops.

An interesting thing you might want to know: commenting on other stories also gives people a chance to click on your story, because they often check your profile if you make worthwhile or consistent comments.

But that advice is completely unsolicited.

And lastly, Scribble Hub is a place of lurkers. I tell you, the majority are too lazy to make an account, and those that do barely comment. In some cases, you'll find someone who comments and engages a lot, but those are rare.

Overall, I'd rate this a 3/10.

(I’m sorry if I’m being too harsh.)
 
Macha

Macha

Not a member
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Feb 6, 2021
Messages
888
Points
133
Hoshino said:
And lastly, Scribble Hub is a place of lurkers. I tell you, the majority are too lazy to make an account, and those that do barely comment. In some cases, you'll find someone who comments and engages a lot, but those are rare.
Click to expand...
And then there are people like @minacia and @Racosharko with multiple accounts. Those are rare, but they comments a lot. Everyone from NUF is more likely to write a comment than anyone else.
 
Hoshino

Hoshino

Hoshino not found
Joined
Dec 23, 2024
Messages
1,008
Points
128
Nightfall6344 said:
Hi! currently polishing a novel I started writing some time ago.
It’s a psychological, supernatural, fantasy style novel, but thare are few part that focuses on trauma, identity, and fractured reality rather than fast action.
If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, I’d really appreciate you giving it a try..

Title: [Veil Of Midnight]

Genre: Fantasy, Psychological, Mystery, Supernatural, Romance (Slow-Burn), Tragedy.

Main Character:
Bian Garcia. She remembers nothing about her past and lives under the weight of a strange, dreamlike world that repeatedly tortures her.

Story Description:
The 1st chapter you'll be placed Bian’s inner world is nightmarish and unreal. She is trapped in a recurring nightmare and it won't let her rest or go.
When she wakes, the world continues as usual, normal—school, friends, routine.

Romance:
A slow-burn romance.

Focus:
Character-driven and psychological, inner conflict, atmosphere, and emotional unraveling.
Link: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2024312/veil-of-midnight/
[/"I want to get away from here.”
{You can't.}
"Let me leave.”
{You can't.}
"Please, let me—”
{Close....the....Door.}
Bian’s childhood ends the day her father’s violence teaches her that survival means silence. As she grows, she is drawn into vivid dreams of sealed doors, forgotten realms, and voices that refuse to let her leave. What begins as an escape from reality slowly becomes a warning.
When tragedy strikes and the sealed door finally opens, monsters spill into reality and Bian discovers the truth of her origin. Bound to powers she does not fully control and cursed to relive her own destruction through regression, she watches the people she loves suffer again and again for her sake.
Forced to choose between preserving the fragile peace she has built or confronting the truth behind her existence, Bian must face the entity bound to her bloodline and decide whether to end the cycle of suffering—or become its final catalyst.]
Click to expand...
... There was no need for this. Also a few grammatical mistakes.

The 1st chapter you'll be placed inside Bian’s inner world which is nightmarish and unreal. She is trapped in a recurring nightmare and it won't let her rest or go.
When she wakes up, the world continues as usual: normal school, friends, routine.
Click to expand...

Alright, the cover is enough to catch a glance, and maybe a click, but that's it.

Moving on to synopsis:

What.... Is this.. Well I'm gonna give you benefit of the doubt, and say you used it for grammar fix. And I Dropped it at the synopsis. Too dramatic. Unnecessary clutter. Its all over the place. Using AI you couldn't mange to make it presentable.

Okay, now chapter 1.

The first thing I notice is too many ehm dashes... The sentence structure, tone, and writing style.

Sigh. Yeah this is written by AI. Or rather edited by AI, in which case you should remove the ehm dashes, fix the writing style to keep it your own, and keep it consistent. And also another thing you should know is, there is a bot comment in the first chapter.

I have nothing more to say. Nor will I rate this.

Have a nice day-nya.
Eldoria said:
@JayMark is right.?
Click to expand...
I am being nice-nya :blob_pout:
 
Last edited:
Bartun

Bartun

Friendly Saurian Neighbor
Joined
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Messages
1,178
Points
153
Part of me would love to get feedback from you, but I'm sad you have to leave. :s_frown:
 
unlaumy

unlaumy

a person
Joined
Dec 2, 2024
Messages
284
Points
108
Hoshino said:
... There was no need for this. Also a few grammatical mistakes.



Alright, the cover is enough to catch a glance, and maybe a click, but that's it.

Moving on to synopsis:

What.... Is this.. Well I'm gonna give you benefit of the doubt, and say you used it for grammar fix. And I Dropped it at the synopsis. Too dramatic. Unnecessary clutter. Its all over the place. Using AI you couldn't mange to make it presentable.

Okay, now chapter 1.

The first thing I notice is too many ehm dashes... The sentence structure, tone, and writing style.

Sigh. Yeah this is written by AI. Or rather edited by AI, in which case you should remove the ehm dashes, fix the writing style to keep it your own, and keep it consistent. And also another thing you should know is, there is a bot comment in the first chapter.

I have nothing more to say. Nor will I rate this.

Have a nice day-nya.

I am being nice-nya :blob_pout:
Click to expand...
I really don't want to talk too much because it's your thread, but me think the story isn't an AI. I say this because the user has asked for feedbacks a few weeks ago, and I kind of forgot to give my opinions on it.

The wordings in the story (especially synopsis) are stiff, so it's understandably suspicious at first glance. If you just read it carefully, you'll notice the most glaring problem from the story: It's hella messy.

You can't even say it was edited by AI, because from what I see, it wasn't even edited in the first place. The first four chapters are a mistake fest. The formatting and usage of bold, em-dashes, '...', onomatopoeia, etc are inconsistent. There's also the matter of using italic for the MC's thoughts despite it being already in a first-person perspective, but you can say it's a stylistic choice (or for emphasis)—so more human touch. The greatest problem with AI is that is always sterile, here's the opposite of that. As for the writing style, it's without a doubt a reminiscent of unedited old school wattpad story, with a bit of chinese wns vocab influence in it.

For the author: There're some positive points, but I won't put them here because this is strictly about AI matter.

Of course, the author may be playing a 4D chess game to mess with us, who knows. Maybe we should start a tribunal over this lol.
 
Last edited:
Hoshino

Hoshino

Hoshino not found
Joined
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Messages
1,008
Points
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V8485 said:
Every time I post on one of these, I never get anything back, but I may as well give it the old college try.

The Devil Been Isekai | Scribble Hub, thanks if you get around to it.
Click to expand...
The first thing I notice is that you have 53 chapters and yet somehow have no readers, which I suppose explains itself. The cover is hand-drawn; that is always good to see, but that’s not going to cut it if you want to gain any traction, which I don’t think you are with the synopsis you have. And I won’t even get into the synopsis. It’s an instant drop for me. Maybe a few people might actually click on the first chapter, and then perhaps they may bear through the awful spacing, everything being italic for some reason, tense slips, extra words, tone whiplash, over-explaining, and an MC that feels like he’s trying to show off (Camus, Sisyphus, Faustus, Zevon, history lectures, morality lectures… it feels more self-satisfied).

The thing is, the way it is now, no one is going to click past chapter one. In fact, no one is going to click past the synopsis, even if someone curious enough clicks on your story.


Fix the synopsis and the spacing. That’s my final verdict if you want to gain any readers or traction.

Overall, I’d rate this 1/10.

(I’m sorry if I’m being too harsh.)
 
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