Help with first litrpg's blurb

CountVanBadger

Pootis Spencer Here
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Hello, strangers! My name is CountVanBadger. I'm new around these here parts, and looking forward to making some new friends!

Anywho, I'm planning to release my first litrpg, XNPC, on here and a couple other websites sometime in the next couple months. I have high hopes for this book, so I want everything to be perfect when it launches. Here's the blurb I have written up for it. What do you guys think?

Thirteen years ago, the world was Remade. Earth ceased to exist, and Nyr rose in its place. All that's left are the people, but even they didn't escape unscathed. Almost the entire planet's population has been reduced to NPCs, mindless husks whose lives are plotted out by the scripts in their brains. Those who kept their minds are known as Heroes. Granted access to the mysterious System, unimaginable power is theirs to claim if they're willing to fight for it. But without a steady supply of XP, their Systems will go offline, and they'll join the rest of the world as NPCs.

This is the world Jeremy finds himself in. One minute, he was fifteen years old and enjoying his summer vacation, and the next he was in a dungeon, surrounded by monsters and a woman who looked suspiciously like his high school girlfriend. Miranda has risked life and limb more times than she can count for the chance to bring back the only person she ever cared about. When Jeremy's System activates at the worst possible time, she must guide him through hostile territory, facing monsters and rival Heroes every step of the way, while also teaching him how to survive everything Nyr has to throw at him. But can there really be a place for meek, mechanically-minded Jeremy in this terrifying, exhilarating new world?

and seriously, if you see me on another website, please don't blow my cover!
 

Juia_Darkcrest

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Howdy, stranger! My name's CountVonBadger, and here's a random fact about me: I love keeping secrets! Do you like keeping secrets? :D
Yes stranger, secrets are great. So great. They are the greatest thing to ever have existed.

Good luck with your book, I bet it will do well!
 

ThisAdamGuy

Proud inventor of the chocolate onion
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It looks like a solid enough blurb. I wouldn't really know, though, since I've never written a litrpg before in my life. But if you ever decide to write a painfully unfunny book about clowns fighting mines, I'm your man!
 
D

Deleted member 167438

Guest
Hello, strangers! My name is CountVanBadger. I'm new around these here parts, and looking forward to making some new friends!

Anywho, I'm planning to release my first litrpg, XNPC, on here and a couple other websites sometime in the next couple months. I have high hopes for this book, so I want everything to be perfect when it launches. Here's the blurb I have written up for it. What do you guys think?

Thirteen years ago, the world was Remade. Earth ceased to exist, and Nyr rose in its place. All that's left are the people, but even they didn't escape unscathed. Almost the entire planet's population has been reduced to NPCs, mindless husks whose lives are plotted out by the scripts in their brains. Those who kept their minds are known as Heroes. Granted access to the mysterious System, unimaginable power is theirs to claim if they're willing to fight for it. But without a steady supply of XP, their Systems will go offline, and they'll join the rest of the world as NPCs.

This is the world Jeremy finds himself in. One minute, he was fifteen years old and enjoying his summer vacation, and the next he was in a dungeon, surrounded by monsters and a woman who looked suspiciously like his high school girlfriend. Miranda has risked life and limb more times than she can count for the chance to bring back the only person she ever cared about. When Jeremy's System activates at the worst possible time, she must guide him through hostile territory, facing monsters and rival Heroes every step of the way, while also teaching him how to survive everything Nyr has to throw at him. But can there really be a place for meek, mechanically-minded Jeremy in this terrifying, exhilarating new world?

and seriously, if you see me on another website, please don't blow my cover!

I'd highly suggest reading Filip Wiltgren on what makes for a great blurb. It has made me completely rethink what I do with my blurbing.

https://www.wiltgren.com/how-to-write-a-great-blurb-warning-giganormous-post/#more-2258
 
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