HELP: Looking for Honest Feedback

[HeirOfGoat]

Hey everyone,
I just posted the first few chapters of my story, and I’d really love to get some honest feedback.
What did you like? What didn’t work so well?
Most importantly how did it make you feel while reading?

Whether it’s about the characters, the tone, the pacing, or anything else, I’m open to all thoughts.
Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read and share their impressions!

The Ash King

 

[Eldoria]

You've given up on continuing the story. Why comment on a story that's already been discontinued? Even if there's feedback, your story is already dead. It's better to first organize your own writing intentions, rather than seeking attention from other authors.

 

[Humanistheart]

You've given up on continuing the story. Why comment on a story that's already been discontinued? Even if there's feedback, your story is already dead. It's better to first organize your own writing intentions, rather than seeking attention from other authors.

There's nothing wrong with just having a mini-series.

 

[HisDivineShadow]

GPT

 

[Eldoria]

There's nothing wrong with just having a mini-series.

This isn't a miniseries, but a surrender series! He himself said:

"Today, I think I won't continue this story.

Not because I no longer believe in it, but because I feel I've strayed from the essence I wanted to give it. I made mistakes: in the structure, in the pacing, in the way I constructed certain chapters... Perhaps I also put too much pressure on myself, too many expectations.

But I don't regret anything."

I rebuked honestly, not out of hatred, but out of concern for writing ethics. If someone misunderstands my comments and my comments damage my reputation, then let my reputation be damaged so that honesty can be heard. I'm not being sarcastic, cynicism, or otherwise speaking nonsense. I rebuked honestly out of concern for the writer's intentions.

 

[Anonjohn20]

You've given up on continuing the story. Why comment on a story that's already been discontinued? Even if there's feedback, your story is already dead. It's better to first organize your own writing intentions, rather than seeking attention from other authors.

What a power move; he wants us to start reading a story he already gave up on. A giant ? to anyone who falls for it and reads it. "You will take this infinite hiatus and like it!"

 

[HeirOfGoat]

I’d like to clarify a few things: I’m a young writer, just starting out, and I’m still experimenting a lot. One of my main goals with this story was to better understand how these platforms work, how readers respond, and most importantly to grow through feedback.

I’m not here to seek attention, just to learn like anyone serious about improving.

Yes, I’ve decided to pause this story for now, because I feel I’ve drifted away from the core idea I originally wanted to express. But that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on it forever. On the contrary, I plan to come back to it later, rework it from the ground up, and hopefully bring it closer to the vision I had in mind.

What I’m looking for right now is insight things I can improve, maybe even strengths I’m not aware of yet. And for that, honest feedback from fellow writers is incredibly valuable to me.

What a power move; he wants us to start reading a story he already gave up on. A giant ? to anyone who falls for it and reads it. "You will take this infinite hiatus and like it!"

This isn't a miniseries, but a surrender series! He himself said:

"Today, I think I won't continue this story.

Not because I no longer believe in it, but because I feel I've strayed from the essence I wanted to give it. I made mistakes: in the structure, in the pacing, in the way I constructed certain chapters... Perhaps I also put too much pressure on myself, too many expectations.

But I don't regret anything."

I rebuked honestly, not out of hatred, but out of concern for writing ethics. If someone misunderstands my comments and my comments damage my reputation, then let my reputation be damaged so that honesty can be heard. I'm not being sarcastic, cynicism, or otherwise speaking nonsense. I rebuked honestly out of concern for the writer's intentions.

You've given up on continuing the story. Why comment on a story that's already been discontinued? Even if there's feedback, your story is already dead. It's better to first organize your own writing intentions, rather than seeking attention from other authors.

 

[Tempokai]

It reads like it was LLM written. Rhetorical techniques, like repeating the word thrice, metaphors at the end of a sentence, em-dash pauses, single declarative words, all used liberally, therefore hurting the persuasion instead of helping. There's a lot of rhetoric, but zero substance that makes storytelling a proper one. It reads like a sermon from some cringe dude who is delusional enough to think himself as The One, and because of that, narration fails because of implied author has no credibility against average reader. There's no attempt at immersion or making the reader to activate their suspension of disbelief because of the paragraph structure. If you wrote it (not The Butler), then I can say you've consumed too much AI slop, because there's no way a sane person would overuse rhetorical structures like a politician.