Having depressing stinks

[Blackout]

So, one of my series involves a protagonist who has trust issues and depression. One of my readers who read my series commented that life doesn't have to suck, he should go make friends, join a club and stuff. When I read the comment, my first thought is, "Wow, this person must have never suffered depression in his or her life before". Well, I have, and I still do, and it's not that easy to make things better for yourself.

For starters, those having depression will have difficulties in making new friends since they'll have trust issues. They're scared of being laughed at by those new people they meet. "What, you have depression? That's so lame!", those kind of things.

As for clubs, or being in a group in general, that's even worse. Those who have depression hates crowds since most of the time, they'll end up meeting those who're happier/more successful than they are, and they'll end up comparing themselves with those happy/successful people.

All in all, it's as the title says. Depression is one big B-word.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

B-word?

 

[greyblob]

this doesn't sound like depression to me, more like an edgy teenager whining.

 

[Lloyd]

All you have to do to cure depression is to just stop being depressed.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

I don't think that the person commenting was saying anything bad. I suffered from depression for a good while and many people in my family suffer from it. The person probably did suffer from depression or they may have not. I don't know. However, being around people and trying to do things does help with depression a lot. I know that it isn't easy to go out and meet new people or do new things because depression does give you trust issues. Depression can take many different forms and affects everyone differently. For people who are already anti-social or introverted the distrust created in their minds goes through the roof. Some people stop enjoying the things that they used to love or maybe lose their sense of taste. Even so, there are ways to deal with it that can help. Doing new things, being with different people, and being out in nature are easy ways to work towards it because they can produce chemicals in your brain to counteract depression. That doesn't mean that it's a surefire way to cure it but it does help a lot. They were right as life doesn't have to suck. Yeah, it may suck but there are ways to work towards something better. It's part of the reason I started writing. Because I didn't enjoy my old hobbies anymore, didn't have friends outside of work, and had no desire to be with anyone. Depression is a B-word as you put it but you can make it your B-word.

 

[Blackout]

All you have to do to cure depression is to just stop being depressed.

Yup, just like how you can stop being homeless by buying a house.

 

[Irl_Rat]

They're scared of being laughed at by those new people they meet. "What, you have depression? That's so lame!", those kind of things.

Ffs do not trauma dump on people early in your relationship. I understand that a person might want to share because of how closed they have been. But this almost always leads to awkward interactions for both parties.

How do I know? Because I've been on the receiving end a fair bit.

 

[Deleted member 54065]

I remembered that one guy who commented on my work about my MC having no confidence yet is a productive member of his society (he's asking how it's possible).

Yep, it is possible. I have a lot of insecurities, yet I managed to land a work and ended on a good note (at least with our students and their parents).

What I'm kind of surprised is that, there are some people who can't understand the concept of human complexities. Like, a person can 'break character' depending on the demands or results of the situation.

Like the OP, I suffered from depression (occasional, since I also have manic episodes). I can smile and be wacky in front of my students, and then once I'm alone, my thoughts are filled with me deciding whether to ram my motorcycle straight on a wall and die.

I take meds, I see my doctor. But still, I would occasionally regress. So yes, depression sucks.

 

[Lloyd]

All you have to do to cure depression is to just stop being depressed.

Yup, just like how you can stop being homeless by buying a house.

Yeah but its a lot easier to stop being depressed than buying a house.

 

[RayneStorm]

So, one of my series involves a protagonist who has trust issues and depression. One of my readers who read my series commented that life doesn't have to suck, he should go make friends, join a club and stuff. When I read the comment, my first thought is, "Wow, this person must have never suffered depression in his or her life before". Well, I have, and I still do, and it's not that easy to make things better for yourself.

For starters, those having depression will have difficulties in making new friends since they'll have trust issues. They're scared of being laughed at by those new people they meet. "What, you have depression? That's so lame!", those kind of things.

As for clubs, or being in a group in general, that's even worse. Those who have depression hates crowds since most of the time, they'll end up meeting those who're happier/more successful than they are, and they'll end up comparing themselves with those happy/successful people.

All in all, it's as the title says. Depression is one big B-word.

I'm not depressed and even I get annoyed at the advice given to depressed people. Go make friends and join a club? Yeah, there's no one in my area in my age group (everyone is either much older or much younger) and no clubs whatsoever or even places to sit and eat. One thing I do wish to see a little more of is internet relationships with depressed/lonely people. Roleplaying in an MMO guild for instance. I know a lot of people talk about how bad social media is but for someone who is afraid of meeting people in real life, might find it a lot easier to fit in with an MMO guild where you know what you have to do and you don't even necessarily have to talk a whole lot. I think a lot of the times readers just get annoyed with the standard depressed character who has no motivation because that's boring. A character who is depressed but still has a goal (even if they start off the story without the strength to go after it) is far more interesting, even if that goal is just to leave the house to get that one new icecream flavor. Even if the character isn't depressed, not having a clear goal can really hurt the story. Maybe the reader didn't see anything that the character wants and they just didn't explain themselves properly. That has happened with one of my stories before where the criticism was similar and once I made the goal more clear, they thought it was a huge improvement even though nothing else changed. That's not to say your writing is bad, it's just that sometimes, things need to be explicitly stated like Luffy wanting the One Piece or Naruto wanting to be Hokage. Most of the story doesn't even center around those goals but the fact that they do have something that they want makes the character more real. Even depressed people have something they want in life.

PS. Life does indeed suck but fiction is escapism so most people want it to suck just a little less

I remembered that one guy who commented on my work about my MC having no confidence yet is a productive member of his society (he's asking how it's possible).

Yep, it is possible. I have a lot of insecurities, yet I managed to land a work and ended on a good note (at least with our students and their parents).

What I'm kind of surprised is that, there are some people who can't understand the concept of human complexities. Like, a person can 'break character' depending on the demands or results of the situation.

Like the OP, I suffered from depression (occasional, since I also have manic episodes). I can smile and be wacky in front of my students, and then once I'm alone, my thoughts are filled with me deciding whether to ram my motorcycle straight on a wall and die.

I take meds, I see my doctor. But still, I would occasionally regress. So yes, depression sucks.

Having no confidence doesn't mean having no goals or wants or needs. A lack of confidence can be a motivator to do better. A lot of depressed people fake happiness because they want to hide it and they want others to feel happy too. A depressed person who wants to be a star swimmer and battles with their motivation to do so or their fear of people seeing them without a shirt is interesting, real and very much relatable because, like you said, people are complicated. But again, that would require a clear goal in order for the internal conflict to be interesting

 

[InceTagn]

Yeah but it's a lot easier to stop being depressed than buying a house.

The level of difficulty is related to the main causes of your depression, and the environment you find yourself in.
What if you are depressed because you are homeless?
I know that it is really possible to decide to stop behind depressed about it.
But it would have been easier if you have found a place to live.

 

[Deleted member 61829]

I understand. I've had major depressive disorder since I was twelve-years-old. It took me countless therapy visits and different medications to finally be able to live somewhat normally. Making friends is hard, doing social activities are almost impossible when you're laying in the bed sleeping or just laying there with your eyes closed, and writing is almost impossible because you can't get the words out so you delete your work and then re-upload it over and over again, but you're just not satisfied. *sigh*.

Yeah but its a lot easier to stop being depressed than buying a house.

Unfortunately Clinical Depression isn't curable but can be treated with therapy and medication. Saying that it's easier to stop being depressed is bullshit. A lot of factors go into depression: What kind of environment you're living in. Are you homeless? In an abusive and toxic environment? In a filthy and unclean space? Going back and forth through the system. Another one is if your depression is linked to another severe and more unstable mental illness like Bipolar Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, etc.

The list goes on and on. Depression isn't just sadness, but years and years of therapy and medications with misdiagnosis, crisis unit stays, substance abuse, or suicide attempts. I've had Clinical Depression since I've been twelve years old and its been hell trying to get stable enough to actually enjoy my hobbies. Bleh, if I had a nickel for every time my feet swole because of medication toxicity I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened twice. ?

 

[Ilikewaterkusa]

Yup, just like how you can stop being homeless by buying a house.

Steal one.

 

[SakeVision]

Sounds like you're talking about way more than just depression.

 

[Bartun]

So, one of my series involves a protagonist who has trust issues and depression. One of my readers who read my series commented that life doesn't have to suck, he should go make friends, join a club and stuff. When I read the comment, my first thought is, "Wow, this person must have never suffered depression in his or her life before". Well, I have, and I still do, and it's not that easy to make things better for yourself.

For starters, those having depression will have difficulties in making new friends since they'll have trust issues. They're scared of being laughed at by those new people they meet. "What, you have depression? That's so lame!", those kind of things.

As for clubs, or being in a group in general, that's even worse. Those who have depression hates crowds since most of the time, they'll end up meeting those who're happier/more successful than they are, and they'll end up comparing themselves with those happy/successful people.

All in all, it's as the title says. Depression is one big B-word.

People with depression tend to reach out to other people with depression, as someone that also suffered from depression I can tell. There is a huge difference between depression and sadness, you can feel happy and still feel depressed. There is also a difference between feeling depressed and just being anti-social, I am sure people with depression, I mean, actual depression, do want to reach out to other people and feel a little bit less miserable. Being alone is a sure way to fall into despair and only people with "Hollywood Depression" as I call it, avoid other people out of fear of being rejected, people with actual depression try to desperately reach out to other people out of fear of being alone and fall into despair.

 

[SternenklarenRitter]

Depression and social anxiety often come in pairs. It's not unusual for someone in a depressive episode to find themselves crippled by the worries they normally have the courage to face head-on. Also, depression and more generally mental illness have historically had an extremely severe stigma attached; in every country there exist pockets where that stigma remains severe, where people with depression or other illness will in fact be rejected and/or insulted for their condition. Fear of rejection is not necessarily unwarranted for those with mental illnesses.
Personally, I experience mostly the more 'physical' aspects of depression quite severely. When I feel depressed, I stop being able to tell if I am hungry, am unable to sleep more than an hour or two at a time, take shortish ~30 minute naps several times a day, stutter, experience aches and pains, and become unable to exert my strength properly.

 

[cheriechechan]

That is a serious topic/characteristic for your main character. Be careful of introducing that to your readers.