Haunted Audio‑Logs: Honest First‑5‑Chapter Feedback Wanted

[S.TrujilloL.]

Hi everyone,

I recently uploaded the first five chapters of a story that’s been haunting me for years.

It’s not about chosen ones or epic quests. It’s about people who didn’t resist when they should have — and are now trying to reclaim the one thing they didn’t know they’d lost: the ability to choose.

The narrative unfolds through five audio log chapters, recorded by Dr. Lot — one of the last surviving scientists of Solar City. Through his voice, we witness the emotional and ethical collapse of a world that willingly gave up its soul for convenience.

I’d truly appreciate your thoughts — especially if you're into slower, reflective science fiction with emotional depth.

Here’s what I’m trying to figure out:
– Does Dr. Lot’s voice feel real, or too detached?
– Is Solar City’s world clear and grounded, or too abstract?
– Do audio log–style chapters work for you as a reader?

I’m open to reviewing the first 5 chapters of your work too — just drop the link in a reply or DM me.

The Story of Nemi: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1726481/the-story-of-nemi/

Thanks in advance for reading. If even one line sticks with you… then maybe this story was worth telling.

 

[NineHeadHeavenDevouringSerpent]

Could use bit more tinkering in choosing right words, the line with consent and pact feel a bit off a stretch to the words themselves.


Other than that, looks good.

 

[S.TrujilloL.]

Could use bit more tinkering in choosing right words, the line with consent and pact feel a bit off a stretch to the words themselves.


Other than that, looks good.

Thanks a lot — really appreciate you pointing that out. I had a gut feeling those lines might be leaning too hard into "sounding profound" instead of earning their weight naturally.

Always grateful for sharp eyes like yours.