ThisAdamGuy
Proud inventor of the chocolate onion
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I'm making some major changes to my WIP, and that required me to almost completely rewrite the first chapter. These are the opening paragraphs. I'm trying to do some quick worldbuilding before switching to the main character's POV. What do you think?
Ascentia rose above the horizon.
Like a raft sailing on a sea of air and clouds, its disc-like outline drifted slowly across the night sky, visible from below only by the gap it created in the stars. As vast as ambition, and as silent as a dream, it moved in bold defiance of the path set by the sun and moon, rising in the west and making its inexorable way eastward.
Dozens of miles below, the ocean reacted to its appearance, the tide surging forth with renewed vigor as if it hoped to clear a path for its celestial visitor. Its reflection in the dark waters made it look as if the planet had opened its eye and was staring in wonder at the city as it passed overhead.
Soon the ocean was left behind, the tides growing calm once again, and Ascentia was greeted by the majestic, sweeping expanse of Flux. From the crystalline waters of Lake Adronax in the south, to the colossal Zarazonian forests in the north, the continent proudly displayed itself as the City of God passed above. The lights of its innumerable cities glittered as it passed above them, casting whatever was beneath into an even darker, moonless night.
The hours passed slowly as Ascentia crept across the sky. A storm raged over one part of the continent, only to be divided in two as the floating city passed directly through it. Closer and closer toward the center of Flux it came, and the people below held their breath in anticipation.
In the exact center of Flux, there was a crater. Twenty miles from end to end, and perfectly circular, it was the only place on the entire continent where life did not flourish, leaving the deep, rocky hollow barren and dry.
Down below, every clock on Flux struck the midnight hour, and Ascentia came to an abrupt halt above the oddly shaped crater.
A deep rumble filled the air.
Lying on the ground in an alleyway, curled up between three metal garbage bins to hide him from the constables, Lanz’s eyes shot open as the ground beneath him began to shake.