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[Hoshino]

HanaSuki


Cover:

(There are no synopsis available yet)

This is a light novel.

Volume 1 is called HanaSuki: Ai to uso ni saku hana.

Each volumes are spilt into 4 parts each having one prologue at the start.

I only have written the prologue of it so...




(The release of chapters depend on how well it receives)

What are your thoughts on this?


If you have any feedback or suggestion for improvements then feel free to recommend me them..

 

[2wordsperminute]

Honest thoughts: fix the obviously AI text on the cover. Just type it out on some free program.

 

[ThrillingHuman]

HanaSuki is one of my new novels that i have written

For that sentence alone I refuse to read it.

 

[Hoshino]

Dead thread :V

 

[TheIcMan]

Brother huuhhhhhhhh

Why are you deleting and posting different messages. Why'd you remove your link.

"Dead thread" dead thread my ass, threads don't die for like two years. Someone could've come around and taken a look at it. I know I did a couple days ago. Back then I decided I didn't want to read it. But if I wanted to now, I can't? Yikes dude.

 

[Hoshino]

Brother huuhhhhhhhh

Why are you deleting and posting different messages. Why'd you remove your link.

"Dead thread" dead thread my ass, threads don't die for like two years. Someone could've come around and taken a look at it. I know I did a couple days ago. Back then I decided I didn't want to read it. But if I wanted to now, I can't? Yikes dude.

The “If” is only a possibility and its neither yes or no.

Geez. Fine.I'll put the link back.

http://

 

[ShrimpShady]

I have a moral disdain for AI art, but I'll let that go.

I checked out what you've released so far and I'll get it out of the way that it isn't my cup of tea, so I won't have anything to say story-wise. However, I will say that parts of the chapters I read felt superfluous. I spent a lot of time wondering just when it was going to get to the point. For example, the whole part in the prologue that's just methodically talking about the protagonist brewing coffee and boiling noodles, etc. I feel like you could easily tighten that section up. Readers don't need to know about your protagonist grabbing the kettle, filling it with water, setting it on the stove, turning on the stove, etc. A sentence or two of description is enough, especially if they add to the story, be it to the setting, the plot, or the narrator's personality.

Just off the top of my head, you could narrate just the beginning of him preparing his food before cutting it off partway through with a dismissive interjection like you put in the original text, "Not that it mattered—it was all the same to me". I think something like that would not only tighten up the narration but also add to the character of Natsumi who at this point has been portrayed as morose and disinterested.

That said, I can see that you have a lot of ideas and you seem to be setting up a whole bunch of plot threads as well. I think you'd really be able to draw the strength out of them by tightening up the sections that don't matter as much.

 

[Hoshino]

I have a moral disdain for AI art, but I'll let that go.

I checked out what you've released so far and I'll get it out of the way that it isn't my cup of tea, so I won't have anything to say story-wise. However, I will say that parts of the chapters I read felt superfluous. I spent a lot of time wondering just when it was going to get to the point. For example, the whole part in the prologue that's just methodically talking about the protagonist brewing coffee and boiling noodles, etc. I feel like you could easily tighten that section up. Readers don't need to know about your protagonist grabbing the kettle, filling it with water, setting it on the stove, turning on the stove, etc. A sentence or two of description is enough, especially if they add to the story, be it to the setting, the plot, or the narrator's personality.

Just off the top of my head, you could narrate just the beginning of him preparing his food before cutting it off partway through with a dismissive interjection like you put in the original text, "Not that it mattered—it was all the same to me". I think something like that would not only tighten up the narration but also add to the character of Natsumi who at this point has been portrayed as morose and disinterested.

That said, I can see that you have a lot of ideas and you seem to be setting up a whole bunch of plot threads as well. I think you'd really be able to draw the strength out of them by tightening up the sections that don't matter as much.

Thanks for the review.
Ai generated Art?
What the hell am i suppose to do man. I don't know how to draw ?
The story superfluous? Oh.I totally agree with you.

The part were Natsumi was brewing coffee,That was just me screwing around.If i try to fix it now. It will create problems for me.
Also, its kind bating the reader.So i like it.

 

[ShrimpShady]

Thanks for the review.
Ai generated Art?
What the hell am i suppose to do man. I don't know how to draw ?
The story superfluous? Oh.I totally agree with you.

The part were Natsumi was brewing coffee,That was just me screwing around.If i try to fix it now. It will create problems for me.
Also, its kind bating the reader.So i like it.

Ay, I said I'd let it go. Since you asked, I'm personally a fan of photographic covers, but even simple vector art would work, even if you're using free Canva assets. It'll look just a bit more inspired than AI art. But again, I'll let it go.

I don't think you should fix up what's already published. Hell, you don't even need to take my feedback if you don't think it resonates with your creative vision. However, if you think it'd serve your story well, I think you should keep my advice in mind for future chapters.

Good luck out there

 

[Phantonym]

Thanks for the review.
Ai generated Art?
What the hell am i suppose to do man. I don't know how to draw ?
The story superfluous? Oh.I totally agree with you.

The part were Natsumi was brewing coffee,That was just me screwing around.If i try to fix it now. It will create problems for me.
Also, its kind bating the reader.So i like it.

I agree I can't draw or afford an artist so I use ai art, what I have a problem with is ai generated stories or stories that are mostly ai generated

 

[Hoshino]

I agree I can't draw or afford an artist so I use ai art, what I have a problem with is ai generated stories or stories that are mostly ai generated

Understandable.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I agree I can't draw or afford an artist so I use ai art, what I have a problem with is ai generated stories or stories that are mostly ai generated

I don't mind either IF the person using it admits they did so (about half of my covers started as AI creations and then were modified in a paint program) and, if a writer, puts at least something of themself into it - or just admits they edited or collaborated with the software instead of claiming to have written it.