General Plot and Worldbuilding Feedback

ThisAdamGuy

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Warning: stupidly long post incoming

I've been working really hard on my WIP, Road to Olympus, lately. In the past three months, I've written about 61,000 words for it. It's nowhere near ready to be released, but I'm hoping I can at least get some feedback on the general idea behind the book. (Also, I'm still looking for beta readers if you're interested)

So, here's a rundown of what the story's about and some important worldbuilding details. I'd love to know what you think!

The story is centered around a massive battle royale tournament that takes place every ten years called the Road to Olympus, where the winner gets to ascend to godhood, remake the world in some minor way, and rule over humanity for the next decade. Thousands of people compete (the tournament this book revolves around has 10,000 competitors) and it's a huge deal even if you're not competing, for obvious reasons.

First of all, I wanted to keep this book lighthearted, with the BR being seen more as an extreme sport than a sadistic bloodbath, so every contestant is given a Shattersoul Cuff. It acts sort of like the Ring of Sacrifice in Dark Souls, where if the contestant is killed, rather than dying they're teleported out of the battlefield. But this only covers injuries you take in the fight that ultimately "kills" you. Any injuries you sustain in other fights are permanent, which is going to come into play more than once in the story. Shattersoul Cuffs are also connected to each other, so the contestants can use them to get a quick summary of the other contestants and their powers, as well as any weapons or monsters they encounter on the battlefield.

When a god's ten year reign ends, they return to Flux (the planet the story takes place on) and resume a mortal life. They retain a fraction of their godly powers, though, which can be passed on to their children. The offspring of a former god are called demigods, and they also have special powers. Demigodhood can be passed from parent to child for ten generations, weakening slightly each time, until the bloodline becomes mortal again.

Former gods are, without exception, the richest people on Flux. That's because during their ten year reign, they're constantly amassing tithes from their followers in order to earn favor. This has led to demigods essentially being the noble class in their society, with mortals being commoners.

Being a demigod means you're able to use magic, but magic works differently here than in other books. Magic comes from within, and is therefore unique to each individual user. What powers a demigod possesses is determined by the "shape of their soul." Children usually inherit the same powers as their parents since their constant close proximity causes them to develop the same traits that "shaped" their parents' souls. But if a demigod child is vastly different from their family for whatever reason, it's possible that they could develop entirely different powers. That's the case for the main character, Lanz. His family has passed down the All Seeing Eye spell for generations, but since he was the odd duck he ended up becoming an artificer instead.

The tournament itself is split into three parts: Wilding, Urban Warfare, and the Tower. The Wilding phase takes place in the Fields of Ambition, the wide ring of countryside surrounding Olympus. There the contestants are able to undergo Trials, like fighting monsters or conquering dungeons, in order to win magical weapons and armor to give them an edge in the fight. Once only a thousand contestants remain, the gates of Olympus are opened and the tournament moves into the (uninhabited) city itself. Then when only one hundred are left, the Tower of Ascension opens, and the remaining contestants are funneled into fight after fight as they climb until the last five have the final battle on top of the tower's roof, with the winner taking the Throne of Olympus and ascending to godhood.

That's all the important stuff I can think of, without getting into the characters themselves. I'm planning for this to be a really long running story following several characters, so hopefully I'll be able to come up with enough ideas that the whole thing doesn't start to feel stale.

What do you guys think?
 
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LoneQuack

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I only have a question. While thematically it makes sense for the demigod bloodlines to run for 10 years, have you done the math on that? I mean, what percentage of the population do they occupy and about those families that eventually lose their demigodhood. Do they lose their wealth and end up becoming commoners?

You don't have to answer me if you don't want to but these are a few things you have to consider if you haven't done already.

The idea sounded pretty interesting to me, I think you can make it work decently well with what you have presented.
 

ThisAdamGuy

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I only have a question. While thematically it makes sense for the demigod bloodlines to run for 10 years, have you done the math on that? I mean, what percentage of the population do they occupy and about those families that eventually lose their demigodhood. Do they lose their wealth and end up becoming commoners?

You don't have to answer me if you don't want to but these are a few things you have to consider if you haven't done already.

The idea sounded pretty interesting to me, I think you can make it work decently well with what you have presented.
The noble class isn't exclusively made up of demigods. Mortals who build up a fortune on their own can also be nobility, they're just much rarer. Likewise, there are also "peasant" demigods who, for whatever reason, aren't rich and have to live as commoners (or in Lanz's case, homeless on the streets). But those cases are almost always some kind of "fall from grace" story where they wiled away their fortune on frivolous things or bad business deals, and as such they're an embarrassment to the other demigods and deserve whatever they get. At best, they'll pretend the peasant demigod doesn't exist, or has died. At worst, they'll have them assassinated before they can embarrass their family or peers even more.

And even though demigod bloodlines last so long, they've managed to keep it from bleeding over into the common populace. While a demigod family might have multiple children, typically only one of them will get married. They'll generally want to marry into another demigod family, but barring that they'll settle for a suitably rich mortal. The important thing is that the bloodline doesn't get dirtied with common blood.

Sidenote: only one member of a family can enter the Road to Olympus. This is usually reserved for the firstborn. Son or daughter, since there's no gender discrimination on the battlefield. Then they'll continue having children until a daughter is born, which is who they'll usually try to get married off. Middle sons tend to fade into obscurity. They can be married off to another family's youngest daughter if the opportunity presents itself, but they're almost always overshadowed by their older siblings who, as they say, Walks the Road.
Probably won't be popular here. By here I mean main site, not forums. On forums it might be somewhat popular, but that's 10 or so readers.
How come? It more or less boils down to gamelit, which from what I've seen is pretty popular here.
 
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RepresentingWrath

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How come? It more or less boils down to gamelit, which from what I've seen is pretty popular here.
This is only my opinion, it does not feel like web or light novel. No criterias or anything like that, simply how I feel.
 
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