First time writer looking for feedback

[ASpringNight]

Hello everyone!

I’m a first-time writer and I’m looking for some feedback on my story: Stolen Promises, Cost of Forever — a character-driven romantic drama about betrayal, survival, secrets and unexpected love.

As someone writing for the first time, and in a second language, I want to learn and try to grow. I’d love your thoughts on a few things:

• Did the story catch your interest? Or is it boring?
• What are your impressions of the main character, Selina?
• Were there any pacing or clarity issues?

You can find the story here: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1483706/stolen-promises-cost-of-forever/

Quick note: I use AI tools for proofreading and grammar support. I know opinions on this vary, and I completely respect that. For me, it’s just one more tool to help express myself more clearly in a language that’s not my native one. If that's a dealbreaker for you, I respect your opinions.I just kindly ask you to skip this post. For everyone else, thank you so much for your time and support!

 

[StoneInky]

Hello everyone!

I’m a first-time writer and I’m looking for some feedback on my story: Stolen Promises, Cost of Forever — a character-driven romantic drama about betrayal, survival, secrets and unexpected love.

As someone writing for the first time, and in a second language, I want to learn and try to grow. I’d love your thoughts on a few things:

• Did the story catch your interest? Or is it boring?
• What are your impressions of the main character, Selina?
• Were there any pacing or clarity issues?

You can find the story here: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1483706/stolen-promises-cost-of-forever/

Quick note: I use AI tools for proofreading and grammar support. I know opinions on this vary, and I completely respect that. For me, it’s just one more tool to help express myself more clearly in a language that’s not my native one. If that's a dealbreaker for you, I respect your opinions.I just kindly ask you to skip this post. For everyone else, thank you so much for your time and support!

Thanks for being upfront about it. The site doesn't ban AI. Of course, if you literally generate your entire work with it, you better move to Webnovel and post there, but using it for editing is allowed.

I won't review cuz I dunno what to say. But I recommend Wattpad. Wattpad readers love sadomasochist romance, lmaoooo. Good luck.

 

[EverenVale]

Hey
I read your prologue, and here is my review:

I liked the story so far. But some repetitions make the story slow-paced so far.

I get it, this is the prologue, but there are indications of forced marriage all over the story. I think one or two references could be enough; more than that makes the pace slow and doesn't hook the reader enough. More than that, the readers either skip several sentences completely or drop your story.
Here are some examples of repetition that can be changed:

1. This line is just the repetition of the first two paragraphs and unnecessary: "On one side, the vast sea; on the other, a luxurious room. And between them, the woman's reflection blurred, shifting—at times merging with the city lights, at others dissolving into the candle's glow."

2. Another repetition is on the candlelights like these: "In the soft, flickering glow of candlelight, a young woman stood in the middle of a spacious room", "The candles burned low, their golden light flickering across the grand bedroom"

3. Here is another example of the letter: "She read the letter her newly wedded husband had left on the bed", "She had walked into the empty room and seen the letter next to the envelope."

So, in general, I think you could tighten your text a bit to hook the reader to continue.

In Chapter One, the repetition continues. For example, here:
"The same narrow streets. The same old buildings that never changed. The same judgmental stares that never left her."
This sentence could be something like, "The same narrow streets, old buildings that never changed, and judgmental stares that never left her."

Well, I think you get what I meant.
I wish you the best of luck with your writing, and congratulations on our first story.

 

[ASpringNight]

Thank you

Hey
I read your prologue, and here is my review:

I liked the story so far. But some repetitions make the story slow-paced so far.

I get it, this is the prologue, but there are indications of forced marriage all over the story. I think one or two references could be enough; more than that makes the pace slow and doesn't hook the reader enough. More than that, the readers either skip several sentences completely or drop your story.
Here are some examples of repetition that can be changed:

1. This line is just the repetition of the first two paragraphs and unnecessary: "On one side, the vast sea; on the other, a luxurious room. And between them, the woman's reflection blurred, shifting—at times merging with the city lights, at others dissolving into the candle's glow."

2. Another repetition is on the candlelights like these: "In the soft, flickering glow of candlelight, a young woman stood in the middle of a spacious room", "The candles burned low, their golden light flickering across the grand bedroom"

3. Here is another example of the letter: "She read the letter her newly wedded husband had left on the bed", "She had walked into the empty room and seen the letter next to the envelope."

So, in general, I think you could tighten your text a bit to hook the reader to continue.

In Chapter One, the repetition continues. For example, here:
"The same narrow streets. The same old buildings that never changed. The same judgmental stares that never left her."
This sentence could be something like, "The same narrow streets, old buildings that never changed, and judgmental stares that never left her."

Well, I think you get what I meant.
I wish you the best of luck with your writing, and congratulations on our first story.

Thank you for your feedback. ? To be honest I was awere that something was making the story slow paced but I couldn't put my finger on it.
I can see it now.
I guess I did make reputations without noticing.
I write and rewrite over and over. After a while every centence blends in together and I can no longer see what’s necessary and what's not.
❤ Thank you so much for your time again.❤

 

[EverenVale]

Thank you

Thank you for your feedback. ? To be honest I was awere that something was making the story slow paced but I couldn't put my finger on it.
I can see it now.
I guess I did make reputations without noticing.
I write and rewrite over and over. After a while every centence blends in together and I can no longer see what’s necessary and what's not.
❤ Thank you so much for your time again.❤

Glad to help.

I can suggest that you finish your story and put it aside for a month.
Then get back to it and read it on paper. Add quotes and comments on the side and then apply what you wrote digitally.
The issue with rewriting immediately is that we don't see the flaws in our story unless we let our brain forget about the details. Only then can we look at our work objectively.

If you write your story as you go and post it here, you might want to set it aside for a week and read it again to gather writing comments.

Best of luck dear

 

[ASpringNight]

Thanks for being upfront about it. The site doesn't ban AI. Of course, if you literally generate your entire work with it, you better move to Webnovel and post there, but using it for editing is allowed.

I won't review cuz I dunno what to say. But I recommend Wattpad. Wattpad readers love sadomasochist romance, lmaoooo. Good luck.

Honestly, I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to this comment either. I didn’t see my story as a sadomasochist romance so... It's more about Selina’s choices and the lies she tell, the secrets she keeps to protect her baby and herself.
She builds a family out of the ashes of the love she lost.
Damon our ml gets pulled in to that family. neither of them expects to love each other but their love grews in the life they share. It's slow-burn romance but not exactly something I would call sadomasochistic. What made you think it was?
I mean I will try to post on Wattpad so thanks for the reminder.


Note: Out of curiosity do Webnovel exept AI generated works. I don’t use it for that but still... Do those stories even get successful?
I know that on Scribblehub if you post a lot of chapters regularly everyday readers would see it because it gets posted on the first page.
However in Webnovel it is one of many in the new novel section and most readers doesn't even open that section.
What would be even the point to create the whole work through AI if it doesn't see the light of day.

Glad to help.

I can suggest that you finish your story and put it aside for a month.
Then get back to it and read it on paper. Add quotes and comments on the side and then apply what you wrote digitally.
The issue with rewriting immediately is that we don't see the flaws in our story unless we let our brain forget about the details. Only then can we look at our work objectively.

If you write your story as you go and post it here, you might want to set it aside for a week and read it again to gather writing comments.

Best of luck dear

Thank you for the advice.

 

[StoneInky]

Honestly, I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to this comment either. I didn’t see my story as a sadomasochist romance so... It's more about Selina’s choices and the lies she tell, the secrets she keeps to protect her baby and herself.
She builds a family out of the ashes of the love she lost.
Damon our ml gets pulled in to that family. neither of them expects to love each other but their love grews in the life they share. It's slow-burn romance but not exactly something I would call sadomasochistic. What made you think it was?
I mean I will try to post on Wattpad so thanks for the reminder.


Note: Out of curiosity do Webnovel exept AI generated works. I don’t use it for that but still... Do those stories even get successful?
I know that on Scribblehub if you post a lot of chapters regularly everyday readers would see it because it gets posted on the first page.
However in Webnovel it is one of many in the new novel section and most readers doesn't even open that section.
What would be even the point to create the whole work through AI if it doesn't see the light of day.

Thank you for the advice.

It was the synopsis and cover art. Just reading 'Damon Blackwell, a man who never wanted her', I assumed he was the ML. You know, a cold but hot ML who acts all nasty at first and hurts the MC, but later pines over her lmaooooo. Unwanted marriage spiraling into an emotional sadomasochist romance is a popular trope. I guess I was wrong.

Either way, cross-posting is nice! I'm happy to hear you like the idea.

 

[ASpringNight]

It was the synopsis and cover art. Just reading 'Damon Blackwell, a man who never wanted her', I assumed he was the ML, lmao. You know, a cold but hot ML who acts all nasty at first and hurts the MC, but later pines over her lmaooooo. Unwanted marriage spiraling into an emotional sadomasochist romance is a popular trope. I guess I was wrong.

Either way, cross-posting is a good idea!

Well Damon really didn’t want her. Less so since Selina kind of trapped him in a marriage he didn't want. He is angry and acts nasty at first but in his defence who wouldn’t??? But he is an honest person and good man at the core. Selfish too...
Damon is the youngest son of a very wealthy man. All his life he didn't have to take any sort of responsiblity since he is the youngest. In fact he runs away from it constantly.
Selina is going to force him to grow up and become a responsible adult. Makes him a better man.
Selina on the other hand acts without thinking the consequences of her actions. She has no fear which causes her to act on impulse. This gets her into many troubles. Damon will curb Selina’s worst instincts. Make her a better person.

I believe that love and marriage should be about two flawed people making each other a better person.

Nowadays romance stories all about a nearly perfect woman (man if it's bl) either meeting a stoic, overbearing man who only acts different to them out of love or a man who wears red flags like a banner. (Whom like you said pines after them later)
Don’t get me wrong I love toxic romance stories too. Some of them are my favorites. But now it's everywhere. Even the strong fl tropes has a ml that are stronger than them.
There are some stories that are different than the rest of course but many of the strong female leads turn into male lead themselves. The roles gets reversed but the premise is the same even then.