First-Time Author Looking for Honest Feedback ?

[QuillandGraphite]

?

"Boop what are you doing this deep in my signature?" what do you mean?

 

[Alski]

"Boop what are you doing this deep in my signature?" what do you mean?

Its part of the clanker test, so far you are 3/3, keep it up

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Its part of the clanker test, so far you are 3/3, keep it up

Help me, I got lost there~. Pick me up~. Gimme snuggles~. Gimme treats~.

 

[QuillandGraphite]

Its part of the clanker test, so far you are 3/3, keep it up

If I was a bot I don't think I'd be allowed to write that I'm not a spammer lol that too in such a casual language

 

[ab-ih]

i had tried to Fis chap 1 —hopefully reads smoother. If anything still feels off, I’d really appreciate your thoughts.

 

[blackcrowcrowd]

Here's my honest thoughts while reading this:

1. Why does it not go all the way? This looks so cursed

2. The paragraphs are too damn long, holy hell
3. In the first paragraph, Aetherford University dormitory --> why is there 2 space and why is the dormitory not with caps
4. Mr. Igarashi. Her father assistant --> Mr. Igarashi, her father's assistant.
5. 2 spaces before Himari

Spoiler: 6. WHERE ARE THE LINE BREAKS

Mr. Igarashi nodded once. “Understood. Also… sir asked me to pass on a message. Himari' s eyes narrowed slightly. “He said to tell you not to get into any more trouble. He’s not going to come meet you here.” She let out a short breath. Almost a laugh. “Okay. Got the message loud and clear. "Then she tilted her head. Voice soft, but pointed. “Uncle… why do you always end up being my parents’ human communicator? Please don’t do that. She gave a half-smile. Not amused—just tired “It’s not fair to you either.” but then she noticed he is not listening to her so She just gave a mock thumbs-up. “Tell them I’m behaving. For now But if trouble comes to me—that’s not my fault, is it?” Mr. Igarashi gave a small nod, then smiled. He knows very well this girl never going to listen to her parents he always feel worried for her as she had to always handle everything all alone but he cant do anything so he just said “Take care of yourself, child. I’ll try to talk to your father when he’s in a normal mood. About you.” Himari bowed once. “It’s okay. You don’t need to do that, Uncle Just call me when you arrive home safely And take care of Father, okay? And your health too.” She waved her hand formally. “Bye-bye.”

Why is this just one huge paragraph, divide with context bro my eyes
7. A bit below there's Maybe with big M, and She with big S
8. You're telling me that in the night, a boy is just standing literally right behind the gate for no reason? Yeah right, dude.

TL:DR; Fix. Your. Formatting.

What I think you should do: You might need to read how other people wrote their story. Observe, Adapt, Improve. Then I might actually read more than 3 paragraphs before stopping.
+ Be more logical

 

[ab-ih]

got it ?

Here's my honest thoughts while reading this:

1. Why does it not go all the way? This looks so cursed

View attachment 41791

2. The paragraphs are too damn long, holy hell
3. In the first paragraph, Aetherford University dormitory --> why is there 2 space and why is the dormitory not with caps
4. Mr. Igarashi. Her father assistant --> Mr. Igarashi, her father's assistant.
5. 2 spaces before Himari

Spoiler: 6. WHERE ARE THE LINE BREAKS

Mr. Igarashi nodded once. “Understood. Also… sir asked me to pass on a message. Himari' s eyes narrowed slightly. “He said to tell you not to get into any more trouble. He’s not going to come meet you here.” She let out a short breath. Almost a laugh. “Okay. Got the message loud and clear. "Then she tilted her head. Voice soft, but pointed. “Uncle… why do you always end up being my parents’ human communicator? Please don’t do that. She gave a half-smile. Not amused—just tired “It’s not fair to you either.” but then she noticed he is not listening to her so She just gave a mock thumbs-up. “Tell them I’m behaving. For now But if trouble comes to me—that’s not my fault, is it?” Mr. Igarashi gave a small nod, then smiled. He knows very well this girl never going to listen to her parents he always feel worried for her as she had to always handle everything all alone but he cant do anything so he just said “Take care of yourself, child. I’ll try to talk to your father when he’s in a normal mood. About you.” Himari bowed once. “It’s okay. You don’t need to do that, Uncle Just call me when you arrive home safely And take care of Father, okay? And your health too.” She waved her hand formally. “Bye-bye.”

Why is this just one huge paragraph, divide with context bro my eyes
7. A bit below there's Maybe with big M, and She with big S
8. You're telling me that in the night, a boy is just standing literally right behind the gate for no reason? Yeah right, dude.

TL:DR; Fix. Your. Formatting.

What I think you should do: You might need to read how other people wrote their story. Observe, Adapt, Improve. Then I might actually read more than 3 paragraphs before stopping.
+ Be more logical

 

[crmsn_conqueror]

Hi everyone! its lily here I just posted the first chapter of my original fantasy story All the Strings Are Connected, and I’d really appreciate some honest feedback — especially on emotional impact, pacing, and character interactions.

I’m trying to balance humor with ache, and I care deeply about how group dynamics and tension come across. I want to know: did anything feel off, too fast, or unclear? I’m open to blunt but constructive feedback — the kind that helps me grow.

Also, I’ll be honest… I’m a new author here. I’ve written many stories over the years, but I never had the courage to post them. I kept changing ideas constantly — that’s always been my struggle. This is the first time I’ve finally gathered the courage to share something publicly, and it means a lot to me.

One more thing: I’m not sure my book title All the Strings Are Connected really fits the story. It felt right at first, but now I’m questioning it. Have you ever felt that disconnect between your title and your story? If you’ve read my chapter, do you think the title works — or does it feel off to you too?

Thanks so much for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts — even a short reply would mean a lot!
link _ Dashboard | Scribble Hub

Yeah, the rest of the people in this thread were a bit harsh, so I'll say this. Whatever flow state you locked into when writing this, it needs refinement. Chop that chapter up into different pieces and expand on it. The formatting is terrible to read. And the blurb doesn't give away much, it isn't cryptic, it is quite bland.