feedbacks for a simple office romance

L1aei

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Noted! My only knowledge on office politics is limited to my own observations through reading other office-setting stories and well, my family members lol but yeah I'll definitely give some more thoughts on that

Other than that, yes, Jasmine is supposed to be somewhat unlikeable especially in the beginning, more so to the people around her (especially the higher ups who just doesn't like her personality). It is supposed to be a lighthearted story and I just thought it'd be funny to have an inhumanely amazing employee that does work so good nobody would want to fire them yet so bad at everything that requires some form of emotional connection and understanding

But again, thanks for the feedback! I deifnitely have a lot more to learn on things that involves an office setting
Oi. This is exactly why I don't sweat what readers think. Do your thing. Don't twist your characters to fit someone else's tastes or... hold on, I'm not directing this at @Makimaam , but anyone who still has that old-school "women must respect men" bias. Again, not saying that @Makimaam is projecting that energy, but it came to mind and that's why I'm bringing it up here.

Keep Jasmine doing her thing; she's brilliant, cold, and, for me, hilarious, and that's what makes her icy persona so sparkly in that environment. :blob_aww:
 

Achillie

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Oi. This is exactly why I don't sweat what readers think. Do your thing. Don't twist your characters to fit someone else's tastes or... hold on, I'm not directing this at @Makimaam , but anyone who still has that old-school "women must respect men" bias. Again, not saying that @Makimaam is projecting that energy, but it came to mind and that's why I'm bringing it up here.

Keep Jasmine doing her thing; she's brilliant, cold, and, for me, hilarious, and that's what makes her icy persona so sparkly in that environment. :blob_aww:
omg yeah of course, don't worry! Just taking the feedback as a reminder there's a lot for me to learn regarding general dynamics and expectations in the office and stuff :blob_okay:

It would be out of character for her to start caring about hierarchy and things like that haha so I'm not changing her
 

unlaumy

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@Achillie

The part I particularly like in your story is that the opening paragraph goes straight to the point and encompasses the main idea succinctly. People usually do a vague/slow/meandering opening because they think the synopsis already gives what's the story will be about or a prologue, which most are just nonsense.

Your prose is simple and there are some lines that are cool. Also, the emphasis you put in each character makes them stand out in term of their descriptions. Scott with golden retriever/gigantic sun/etc-object to represent him; Jasmine with her more action and refusal to think too much on most occasions (for now).

Plot: This is difficult to decide because your chapters aren't long or that many (I just read chapter 7). As of now it's just some introductions to conflicts that haven't developed clearly yet (ML yearning for MC & first workplace conflict that matters). But if it's the Slice of Life that you're focusing on, then I think you're doing a good job so far.

Characters: Just like above.

My descriptions aren't that detailed so I just want to know whether readers can still imagine the whole office and setting fully, feel free to give it a quick read or just skim through the first chapter.
About this, others have already told you, but the descriptions on the workplace and its general atmosphere are fine. They have got enough details for what you're delivering. If you really want to add more though, I suggest that you decide on what conflicts are going to be important in the future. This is what I can say on some parts:

The scene for the meeting about Jasmine vs Olivia isn't that long. If you want to focus about Jasmine's rise to rank, then you have to add more meat, especially if she has to deal with more high-ranking executives (I suppose this is what @Makimaam tried to say, with workplace conflicts, then you have to show the appropriate sweat/difficulty for your effort).

Other than that, the interactions are still restricted around general workplace problems. Even Scott's attempts to be closer with Jasmine and their general interactions are trapped in 'stealing time to meet the other party'. I think this isn't that much of a problem because you haven't published more chapters yet, but you have to keep this in mind.

Note: While short chapters usually mean less contents/details, yours isn't the case. These suggestions aren't intended to get you write longer chapters.
 

Achillie

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The scene for the meeting about Jasmine vs Olivia isn't that long. If you want to focus about Jasmine's rise to rank, then you have to add more meat, especially if she has to deal with more high-ranking executives (I suppose this is what @Makimaam tried to say, with workplace conflicts, then you have to show the appropriate sweat/difficulty for your effort).

Other than that, the interactions are still restricted around general workplace problems. Even Scott's attempts to be closer with Jasmine and their general interactions are trapped in 'stealing time to meet the other party'. I think this isn't that much of a problem because you haven't published more chapters yet, but you have to keep this in mind.
Noted! Yup, I'll be reading more into office politics and how easy will it be to even be promoted, although as of now, my goal for the story is to make it focus on the relationships between the characters instead of the complicated things but yeah, I'll definitely consider that.

I'm so impatient to just get into the middle of the story, so everything definitely seems really slow right now (because self-control is really important....). And yes, the interactions between the two leads are definitely still restricted since they're just colleagues/friends at best right now.

Also, thanks for the feedback! I'm glad that there are parts that you liked! :blob_melt:
 
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