I think you need to watch the tenses you use. I hope I helped.
I agree with your remark. I'm not the best at telling the difference between past tense and present tense. It's a common habit and mistake I make all the time while at the same time thinking it's a natural way to write. I'm autistic, so that's another reason. It does make the writing confusing and weak sometimes. Perhaps, I should get some advice from that point. I appreciate your help, and you're free to help me again if you wish.I was reading a bit... I am wondering there are parts that you write is instead of was. Is your story past or present tense? Because I feel like I get the vibe for both.
Sometimes I write is by mistake, but I actually mean was. So I was wondering if it was intentional or not. There are also a few in the dialogue that goes in the same direction.
Example you used, Stares, and then you say Dante turned instead of turns if you were going for the present. For past you would use stared.
Story-wise... I can't say since it isn't my type of story, but I thought I would help. A bit. I am a beginner too.
I laughed a little after I read your criticism, so excuse me for that. For Chapter 1, I don't intend my story to be comical; I want it to be serious and grim. Despite barely knowing anything about the military, military strategies, and military formations, I tend to be vague, and I just go with the flow, coming up with absurd but reasonable ideas, but I understand what you meant by realistic military fiction, which is what I'm actually going for. To be fair, I'll leave it the way it is for now.
Wow, I strongly agree with your point. I do want to write a serious piece, but it seems to be anything but that. As I said, it's not meant to be read like a documentary; it's meant to be read like fiction, and anything that has to do with fiction means fantasy, worldbuilding, and the like. However, I prefer to keep it as it is for right now unless I have to leave it permanently. Otherwise, it does need some editing to be done and to look perfect eventually, at least. Speaking of you being an editor, would you be interested in editing my story to make it better? I'm not saying that you have to if you want. You don't have to accept my offer.
Don't worry about it. You don't need to implement anything - you asked for feedback and I gave it to you. Whether you use it now or use it in the future (or never use it at all) is totally up to you.
That's good to hear. I'm trying not to give up on writing again, so I'm trying my best.
Okay, the first thing you have to figure out which tense you want the story to be in.
That's not what I meant. I meant as in English grammar. I appreciate your advice, though. lol
Nice. I like your advice very much. I do use Grammarly. I used ProWritingAid before, but it wasn't my cup of tea.Okay, the first thing you have to figure out which tense you want the story to be in.
Do you know if you want present or past?
After you figure that out, you need to stick with it.
Examples: Cried, Passed, Loved, Was...
These are past tenses that you can use in a story.
Examples: Cries, Loves, Passes, Is...
These are present tenses.
For me, although I am not an expert writer, I try to avoid using anything that finishes with an s.
Like:
Past tense:
She loved to jump rope, but she also wanted to learn to read a book.
They destined me to love him... But... I couldn't do it.
It killed him to do that.
Example of your writing:
"So does it mean that I don't have to call him 'Private Yosuke' anymore?" Shizuka asked.
Present tense:
She loves to jump rope, but she also wants to learn to read a book.
Destiny says for me to love him, but I can't do it.
It kills him to do that.
Example of your writing:
Date stares at me. "As for you, I already know your name since Shizuka just said yours, so you don't have to tell me."
Whenever you write, try to avoid s ending tenses if you are going for past. Although my story isn't perfect, you can try to read it to see how I do dialogue. I try to keep past tenses in my stories.
The best way to learn is to read and practice. And proofread your work multiple times. Sometimes I still catch a rogue 'is' that escaped my grasp. But usually, I do pretty well in keeping tenses.
Another way is to have someone like a friend to help you too. Do you use Grammarly and ProWritingAid? Sometimes they can help catch your errors.
Hope this helps you!
Will do. I don't want to read too many books, though.
I use both of them~ They help me tons! Especially in SH. I don't have to stare at the white screen of ProWritingAid!
Cool. I might give ProWritingAid a chance. Did you notice any issues in the prologue of my story regarding tenses?I use both of them~ They help me tons! Especially in SH. I don't have to stare at the white screen of ProWritingAid!
In the last bit of your prologue, you change from past to present.
Do you want me to edit them?In the last bit of your prologue, you change from past to present.
'Said alliance is (was) called the Righteous Concord or the Eight-Nation Alliance. From this point on, it'll be (was) known as the Great Siege.
The last bit is also in the present tense, but... Idk if you can get away with it per se. As it may be, the character's thoughts at the moment.
'Now, as of (In the) 1800, I'm(was) fighting for the Yamanagawa Empire, my homeland. This is(was) my story.'
I try to keep inner thoughts past tense too. I don't know about others, but it is what I do.
It all depends if you are writing on present or past tenses. Do you know what you want your story to be?
I think I'll go with using the past tense. If you want, you can tell me what to change, and I'll edit it from there. Are you okay with that?
Well, hm... I guess I could help you catch the tense errors you have, but only in chapter 1.
I'll DM you with the things I catch.