I read 3 chapters, and skimmed the 4th. I went into this expecting an engaging fanfic with a unique spin on quirks. What I got was a masterclass in wasted potential, a My Hero Academia fanfic that’s all premise and no punch. At first glance, the webnovel seems like it’s on the verge of brilliance. A My Hero Academia fanfic with time-based quirks, familial bonds, and a budding heroine? Sign me up. I'm a sucker for such fanfics when I need total brain shutdown after the work. But much like a dish at a sketchy diner, this story smells promising until you bite into it and find out it’s all undercooked ideas and overcooked clichés. Time manipulation in a universe where quirks are already rich and varied could have been a chef’s kiss choice. But instead of delivering a tightly woven narrative about destiny, identity, or the burdens of having an overpowered quirk, the story flails about like a toddler trying to juggle. The potential is right there, but the execution? It's like watching someone hammer nails with a loaf of bread.
First, the MC. She's a kid, sweet, excitable, bland-as-toast Kimika. She’s supposed to be the heart of the story, the one we root for, but she spends the entire narrative bouncing between “Look, I’m cute!” and “Yay, I’m a hero now!” That’s it. That’s the extent of her personality. There’s no depth, no internal struggle, and no sense of agency. She’s essentially a sentient cheerleader for her own quirk.
And let’s talk about how her big moment of quirk awakening (a pivotal point in any hero’s journey) is handled with all the emotional weight of a grocery list. Her eye bleeds, her horns darken, she faints, and then... nothing. No trauma. No fear. Just “Wow, my quirk is cool!” Kimika reacts to life-changing events the way most people react to getting their visa renewed. Kimika needs a personality transplant. Give her fears, flaws, and doubts. Show us how her quirk affects her beyond “This is so awesome!” Let her wrestle with the fact that it’s dangerous, that it isolates her, or that she might not be able to control it. You know, human emotions. Even the kids can feel complex emotions, and you fail to deliver here.
Yukiko is supposed to be the emotional anchor of the story, the protective yet worried mother who carries the weight of knowing how dangerous quirks can be. Instead, she’s a walking, sighing cliché. Her entire personality boils down to “concerned parent.” There’s no depth to her worry, it’s generic, repetitive, and ultimately meaningless because she doesn’t actually do anything about it. She spends more time wringing her hands than having meaningful interactions with Kimika. And let’s not forget that Yukiko’s backstory (her own quirk, her experiences, her fears) are basically ignored. She’s a plot device, not a character. Give Yukiko some bite. Maybe she’s overprotective because she’s haunted by a past mistake. Maybe she struggles to connect with Kimika because she sees her own flaws reflected in her daughter. Give her internal conflict, make her imperfect, and for heaven’s sake, stop making her just sigh nervously all the time. I bet she'll be ignored during the academia arc, so this makes it even more bad. You don't just make side characters as integral as her in MC's youth and not develop her further.
Also, that doctor is here to do one thing: dump exposition like it’s the last day of quirk class and the final exam is tomorrow. Every word out of his mouth is a lecture about Kimika’s powers, but somehow, even with all that information, we still leave every scene with more questions than answers. His dialogue is painfully robotic, and his attempts at humor (autograph requests, really?) are as awkward as a middle school talent show. Stop making him narrate Kimika’s life like he’s hosting a nature documentary. If he’s going to explain her quirk, make it interactive, have him ask Kimika to test her abilities or show her something that helps her understand what’s happening. And cut the dad-joke-level banter unless it actually serves a purpose.
You use dialogue tags like you're getting paid by the word (cough, CN webnovels, cough). Every single line is tagged, often with redundant adverbs ("she said nervously", yeah, I figured, thanks). This not only clogs the flow of the dialogue but also insults the reader’s intelligence. We don’t need a narrator spoon-feeding us the tone of every sentence. Cut the tags. Let the dialogue stand on its own, and when you need to clarify, use action instead of telling. I can forgive some because your English isn't your native language, but when many are stacked continuously, it's tiring. For example:
Instead of: “I’m fine,” Yukiko said nervously, twisting her ring with shaking hands.
Try: “I’m fine.” Yukiko twisted her ring, her hands trembling.
Boom. Cleaner, sharper, and far more engaging.
Every big moment in the story (Kimika’s quirk awakening, her discovery of her horns’ limits, the introduction of the mysterious third eye) is delivered with all the excitement of a tax audit. The prose is painfully passive (“The plate seemed to fall,” “Kimika and her mother found themselves in a hospital”), and the emotional impact is nonexistent because we’re told what’s happening instead of experiencing it. Use active voice and dive into the characters’ perspectives. Instead of saying, “Kimika’s eye bled,” describe the sensation: the sting, the warmth, the terror. Bring us into her head as it’s happening.
Where the connection? This is the story’s fatal flaw: it feels hollow. The you understand what emotions should be present (fear, excitement, love) but you don’t know how to make us feel them. The result is a narrative that feels distant and disconnected, like we’re watching the characters from behind a glass wall. Sure, when I look at writing critically I always behind that glass wall, but instead me building it, it's you adding layers of by focusing on the wrong POV, reducing emotional oomph, and making me read it without feeling anything. Kimika’s excitement doesn’t feel contagious; Yukiko’s worry doesn’t feel heartbreaking. It’s all surface-level. The story also is drowning in unnecessary fluff: repetitive dialogue, overlong hospital scenes, and cutesy moments that don’t advance the plot or develop the characters. The ice cream scene, for example, is fun, but it feels like filler when it could have been used to deepen Kimika and Yukiko’s relationship. Trim the fat. If a scene doesn’t develop a character, advance the plot, or build the world, cut it. Replace fluffy banter with meaningful exchanges that reveal who these people are and what they’re struggling with. Slow down. Linger in the moments that matter. Show us how these characters react to each other in subtle, specific ways. Let their emotions build over time instead of slapping labels on them and moving on.
Your webnovel is a frustrating read because it has all the ingredients for a great story (a unique premise, interesting powers, and the potential for rich character relationships) but it squanders them on shallow writing, hollow emotions, and an over-reliance on exposition. You clearly have ideas, but you need to focus on developing their craft: learning how to write complex characters, how to evoke emotions through action and description, and how to pace their story for maximum impact.
Right now, this webnovel feels like a rough first draft. It’s not irredeemable, but it needs a complete overhaul to live up to its potential. The good news? You are young, enthusiastic, and willing to learn, so with time and effort, you could turn this into something genuinely great. But for now? It’s less “Heroine of Time” and more “Wasted Potential: The Fanfic.”
