Feedback swap?

[NoodleCrow]

Would anyone be willing to do a feedback swap with me?

I'm not asking for a review but just some honest comments/feedback on my story. Just trying to get some outside perspective on my story. I'd be happy to also do the same!

Three Koi and an Orchid

In a society where bloodlines and privilege shape destinies, Pia, a war orphan with no family, legacy, or status to support her, refuses to accept her low-class status. Fueled by her fierce resolve to rise above her position, Pia is determined to gain power as a martial artist. No matter...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Well for one thing, I would take the synopsis, drop out the last sentence of the first paragraph and merge the two paragraphs into one. No need to mention the trials if she fails, unless it is a background event (then reword it to be "After failing the trials..." or something like that); let the failure appear in the narrative.

The first chapter is quite good. There are some parts that feel a little off to me but I think it is more a style issue than a technical one. One thing though, there is a mention of "Dwelling authorities" - it seems like this is a title, so both words should be capitalized: "Dwelling Authorities."
If you can, I would suggest putting terms like yi in italics so they stand out more.

 

[NoodleCrow]

Well for one thing, I would take the synopsis, drop out the last sentence of the first paragraph and merge the two paragraphs into one. No need to mention the trials if she fails, unless it is a background event (then reword it to be "After failing the trials..." or something like that); let the failure appear in the narrative.

The first chapter is quite good. There are some parts that feel a little off to me but I think it is more a style issue than a technical one. One thing though, there is a mention of "Dwelling authorities" - it seems like this is a title, so both words should be capitalized: "Dwelling Authorities."
If you can, I would suggest putting terms like yi in italics so they stand out more.

Thanks for the feedback! I had had a too long synopsis and my friend recommended that I shorten it-- and writing the synopsis is always the worst part for me!

I'll look into making some of the changes you suggested. Thanks so much. Do you want some feedback on one of your stories?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Thanks for the feedback! I had had a too long synopsis and my friend recommended that I shorten it-- and writing the synopsis is always the worst part for me!

I'll look into making some of the changes you suggested. Thanks so much. Do you want some feedback on one of your stories?

If you want to, sure. Glad to help, either way.

And a synopsis is the second trickiest thing (after a title) - either one steps up and slaps you upside the head and says "Use me!" or you sit there struggling with it, and find it more work than the actual writing (or at least that's how it is for me).

 

[NoodleCrow]

If you want to, sure. Glad to help, either way.

And a synopsis is the second trickiest thing (after a title) - either one steps up and slaps you upside the head and says "Use me!" or you sit there struggling with it, and find it more work than the actual writing (or at least that's how it is for me).

That's exactly how it is for me too! A synopsis is a lot harder for me than writing. It's hard to be succinct.

Which story would you prefer I look at? Anything in particular?

 

[OscarTlau]

Both the title and the story is very well made. Can't say i have any critisisms about it as a beginner of writing novels myself. I will look forward for more future chapters.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

That's exactly how it is for me too! A synopsis is a lot harder for me than writing. It's hard to be succinct.

Which story would you prefer I look at? Anything in particular?

If you want to read a whole thing, Diamond in the Rough is complete (aside from possible rewrites down the road, and planned sequels). If you just want a chapter, I've gotten almost zero feedback on Between Worlds so that could use it the most.

 

[NoodleCrow]

If you want to read a whole thing, Diamond in the Rough is complete (aside from possible rewrites down the road, and planned sequels). If you just want a chapter, I've gotten almost zero feedback on Between Worlds so that could use it the most.

Okay, I will be running some errands this morning/afternoon but I will give them a look later today! ?

Both the title and the story is very well made. Can't say i have any critisisms about it as a beginner of writing novels myself. I will look forward for more future chapters.

That's very kind of you! ?? do you want me to take a look at your story? Can you send me a link to yours if you do?

 

[OscarTlau]

Okay, I will be running some errands this morning/afternoon but I will give them a look later today! ?

That's very kind of you! ?? do you want me to take a look at your story? Can you send me a link to yours if you do?

I woundn't mind some tips and feedbacks.
here it is: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1215877/the-chronicles-of-the-scarlet-king/

 

[Zenomew]

I don't mind some constructive feedbacks and review

Tenkan book 1 The Twins of Time

If you had all the time in the world Do you still want to live a normal life? Do you feel like since I have superpowers I don't need to work and do other boring stuff like homework I would suggest dropping this story and pretend that you never saw...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[TheKillingAlice]

I wouldn't disagree on some shared advice. Constructive feedback can go long ways.

The Crazy Daughter of the Duke’s Family

Celia had fought creatures called 'Visitors' for as long as she could remember. Together with Pan, a Visitor of Special Grade himself, her single goal was to survive. Yet after dying an unexpected death one day, she woke up and found herself as that one inconsequential, short lived villainess...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[rKlehm]

Hey!
I would like to do a swap, I have 13k words in 5 chapters. But I'm willing to go further on your story.

Link: Mankind Diaspora [Hard Sci-Fi Isekai]