[Feedback Request-First-timer] Does my opening hook work? (First 3 chapters)

[Makimaam]

I have a feeling that you are being cruel to him? He is a beginner; he doesn't know! You can scare people away like that, do you understand? Do you remember your first work? I am almost certain that your first work was not very good, even though you tried hard? Try to gently guide him in the right direction.

I hate to break it to you, but Eldoria’s feedback is actually quite generous and detailed.
Mine would just be:
This is where I stop reading:

The fissure pulses again—not physical movement, but a wave of sickening pressure that slams into my chest. Not the tide. Not the earth settling. Something aware. Something that knows I'm here.

 

[Akkizakura]

I hate to break it to you, but Eldoria’s feedback is actually quite generous and detailed.
Mine would just be:
This is where I stop reading:

Mine would get the thread nuked.

 

[GearMagical]

It's derailing, but that's not my point. You're personally projecting how others should be. I ain't having that.

It is very sad that you thought that way. Perhaps it is related to the fact that I do not know English and I have dyslexia. I think I should try writing at length so that you understand my thoughts. There are no malicious thoughts in my text! There are no demands in my text! There are no hidden motives in my text! I will start by saying that I only said what I thought. I have no ill will toward anyone here. I do not know you, and you do not know me. I was surprised by the idea of inserting a link to one's own book. I was on a site where you cannot leave links to your books in the comments. That site gave me a certain mindset. I am not imposing that site on you! I mentioned that site only to explain my opinion to you. Perhaps you perceived this as a demand? But there were no demands! You might think I felt resentment because a link to a book was left in the comments? No, I felt no resentment; I was simply surprised, that is all! Any words can be understood in different ways. The translation of my words may vary. I have been here for only two days; why would you think I want to demand anything or ruin my relationship with you? You could all block me at once; you have been here a long time and there are many of you. But what would be the reason for that if I only wrote what I thought? In fact, there are many sites where I am active and everything is fine. If I am unlucky here, I am ready to leave this site if you ask. I will be honest again: right now I am afraid to be on this site if people have started to dislike me. I fear that even if it is not now, later I might be misunderstood again and then blocked, and by that time I might have done some work here and end up losing everything. I can stay, but I want you to correctly understand what I am saying. I completely agree that everyone can leave links to books if it is allowed, and I might even do it myself to blend in. What I said is merely my opinion as a person from another site and as a newcomer. Newcomers are almost always wrong, have you noticed that? Yes, newcomers can use that as an excuse for rudeness, but if it happens often, you can always block me, can't you? In reality, what scares me more than the chance of a potential block is the relationship now that I have been misunderstood. Have you encountered this anywhere else? They say the first impression is the most important. If I have ruined the first impression, does that mean we will not become friends? Not that becoming friends was my primary goal here. I am ready to accept both friendship and resentment. And essentially, if you are offended by me now, you can personally block me so that I cannot write to you and you will not see me, if the site has such a function. This function seems to exist on almost all sites. But it makes me sad that you think this of me. You don't know me at all; I have only just appeared here. I write through an AI that corrects my mistakes from dyslexia and translates my words into English. I live in Latvia and speak Russian. In the Russian language, there are more words, and my words may be shortened in English, changing the meanings. It is difficult for me to get used to this. And in general, I don't know, maybe you don't approve of such a thing here? But I have been on sites with other languages and people there didn't mind. What I am saying now is not a hidden attempt to say that something is wrong with this site. I am simply saying that there were cases where I communicate without knowing the language and with dyslexia. Maybe it will work out on this site, or maybe not; I don't know what will happen next. If I am disrupting the topic discussion now, can I write to you personally later? Right now, I just wrote this to everyone at once so as not to write to everyone personally many times. This is my general thought to all of you. I hope you understand what I am writing? If not, please do not judge me immediately! Ask me many questions, and I will answer them in detail.

Вот мой оригинальный текст как я пишу. Может быть ты это переведешь если интересно? Это просто пример моего языка и того как я пишу. What country are you from?

 

[Eldoria]

Вот мой оригинальный текст как я пишу. Может быть ты это переведешь если интересно? Это просто пример моего языка и того как я пишу. What country are you from?

Well, enough. I understand your limitations.

Almost everyone ever makes mistakes and learns to improve, which is proof of being human.

I don't want this answer to get any more rambling and off topics. I'd like to return this thread to the owner who asked for honest feedback.

 

[L1aei]

О боже, это огромная стена текста.

Слушай, @GearMagical , @Nihilun попросил прямую и честную критику, поэтому люди и ответили прямо. Я понимаю, что из-за языкового барьера недоразумения случаются легко. Я уже говорил, что проблема для меня была не в этом, для меня это вообще не что-то серьёзное.

Сейчас я просто хочу закончить на этом. Мне кажется, ты думаешь, что все видят в тебе какого-то злодея. Я лишь говорю, что ты допустил ошибку, и мне это не показалось хорошим. Просто исправь эту ошибку, и больше никаких проблем не будет. Договорились?

 

[Nihilun]

@Eldoria Thank you!
Your constructive feedback really helped point me in a better direction, and it gives me something concrete to work on. I appreciate you taking the time.

 

[TheIcMan]

>me when i want to read, but the god damn page is nuked