Feedback on my first chapter

[qwerty0123]

Im writing a Dragon Ball Fic
I know the concept is basic, but I have some ideas on how to make it interesting and would like some feedback on the writing itself.
New life as yamcha
I will be posting more over the course of the next couple of weeks, and the cover should also be updated soon.

 

[FRWriter]

I love fanfics, I love DB, and I love this particular theme. It has been done a lot of times, but it never gets old and can really showcase the author's knowledge about the DB lore and his creativity.

However, major parts are infected with AI excrement.

Since this is your first chapter, STOP with that garbage right now.

Plot is more or less a 1-to-1 copy of canon, but I noticed that you messed up the narration.

You chose a third-person narrator, so don't add comments like

(which Goku ate five servings of, the gluttonous bastard)

You can have your MC think these thoughts, but if you use the narrator to convey them, it doesn't work.

Apart from a few major AI stinkers and that little mess up, I think the story has potential.