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[Hoshino]

Lets just cut to the chase.

I want feedback...


Novel

http://

chapter 0

http://

You can be critic as you can, don't hold back, i won't mind.

 

[Hsinat]

This prologue is fascinating and emotional right from the start. The main character, Natsumi, is relatable because they're lonely and wishing to be being transported to a fantasy world, which a lot of people can relate to from anime or games.

Natsumi’s struggle is the highlight here. They want to escape their boring life, but they’re stuck in a lonely, empty reality. The way you showcased Natsumi doing everyday things, like making food and visiting the orphanage, helps us see how sad and empty their life feels, even though they’ve achieved a lot (like beating a very hard game and having millions of subscribers).

The creepy scene with the hospital and finding Yuki is really intense. It makes us wonder what’s going on in this strange world where everything is frozen. That mystery is exciting and keeps you hooked, making the reader want to know more.

The pacing is good because you build up tension slowly with little clues before hitting us with something big and spooky, like the hospital scene. It makes the story feel suspenseful.

One thing to think about is giving us a bit more backstory about why Natsumi works so hard. It could help us understand them better. Also, a bit of humour or light moments could help balance out the heavy, sad tone.

Overall, this prologue is really well done and makes you want to keep reading to see what happens next. Nice job!

 

[Hoshino]

This prologue is fascinating and emotional right from the start. The main character, Natsumi, is relatable because they're lonely and wishing to be being transported to a fantasy world, which a lot of people can relate to from anime or games.

Natsumi’s struggle is the highlight here. They want to escape their boring life, but they’re stuck in a lonely, empty reality. The way you showcased Natsumi doing everyday things, like making food and visiting the orphanage, helps us see how sad and empty their life feels, even though they’ve achieved a lot (like beating a very hard game and having millions of subscribers).

The creepy scene with the hospital and finding Yuki is really intense. It makes us wonder what’s going on in this strange world where everything is frozen. That mystery is exciting and keeps you hooked, making the reader want to know more.

The pacing is good because you build up tension slowly with little clues before hitting us with something big and spooky, like the hospital scene. It makes the story feel suspenseful.

One thing to think about is giving us a bit more backstory about why Natsumi works so hard. It could help us understand them better. Also, a bit of humour or light moments could help balance out the heavy, sad tone.

Overall, this prologue is really well done and makes you want to keep reading to see what happens next. Nice job!

Hmm. Thanks!