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J_Lansu

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Hi readers! I am currently writing a Light Novel. The genre is a supernatural, dark and a some few comedy parts. I have finished chapter 1. But I will be posting everyday or at least 3 days in a week.

Here's a little synopsis:
In a dark and dangerous world where spirits and demons threaten humanity, Jay, a lonely and troubled teenager, becomes entangled in a supernatural battle for his life and soul. The story begins with Jay encountering Ellie, a ghost searching for her lost parents. Despite her spectral nature, Ellie becomes Jay's first true friend, and the two form a bond as they navigate a city teeming with danger.

Their journey takes a terrifying turn when a wolf-like creature hunts them down. Desperate to protect Ellie, Jay makes a fateful decision to accept the power of a mysterious and sinister voice in his head. This choice transforms him into a demonic version of himself, granting him incredible strength but at the cost of his humanity. With his new powers, Jay defeats the creature, but the demon within begins to take control, threatening to consume his soul entirely.

As Jay struggles with the darkness inside him, the exorcist Chiaki intervenes, determined to stop him. She believes the only way to save the city is to destroy Jay’s heart, which the demon has claimed as its own. However, Ellie refuses to give up on Jay, risking her own safety to protect him. She believes in his ability to fight back and return to his true self.

Click on this link to read more: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1470194/dark-bonds-the-demon-within/
 

CharlesEBrown

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Dark Bonds: The Demon Within | Scribble Hub
Should be the correct link - the one in the OP does not work.

And I would say the synopsis gives too much away (feels more like a summary than a synopsis) unless this is going to be a short story and each paragraph ties one-to-one with a chapter.

Maybe something more like:

In a dark and dangerous world where spirits and demons threaten humanity, Jay, a lonely and troubled teenager, becomes entangled with Ellie, a ghost searching for her lost parents.
But powerful forces oppose them, and a mysterious and sinister voice in Jay's head keeps tempting him to sacrifice everything for the power to protect her
The presence of an exorcist named Chiaki, who believes destroying Jay's heart may be the key to saving the city...
Can Ellie help Jay to save himself, or is Chiaki right?
 
Last edited:

aspa201

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Hello :) I agree with the opinion that says the synopsis is too long and too detailed. I read the first three chapters, and I really like the writing style; it's simple and concise, and I think the story is well introduced.
 

StoneInky

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You too? Me three; the synopsis feels like the summary of a whole nother book. Nobody is going to be reading that.
 

Danja

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Intriguing premise. :blob_hmm:

You might try using italics to denote flashbacks. I'm having trouble separating flashbacks from present day.
 

7ydy

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jay is a bad name cuz its obviously short for something
 
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