Fairemont's Faire & Friendly Feedback Thread V2.0 [CLOSED]

[Fairemont]

I will take some time to critique, review, and/or provide feedback on 1-5 chapters of whatever it is you have written.

However! Some criteria must first be met:

1.) No AI. At all.
2.) I must feel like you need my help
3.) Preferably not anything really depressing or overly evil/dark

The criteria for #2 is predominantly up to my whims. However, if I see you getting feedback in like 6 different threads, you're not qualified. Six might be high. Two is probably enough. I'm going to target people who aren't getting feedback elsewhere.

Likewise, I'm going to focus on people who aren't the best. So, if you're already rather successful, I am not here to help you. I mean, I am, but not right here.

That being said...

I will be selecting only one candidate.

To qualify for feedback you must provide me with the following things/information:

1.) A google drive link with commenting turned on
2.) What you want to receive from the feedback, such as characterization, narrative voice/tone, etc.
3.) You must also sing my praise, because I am a fickle god

#3 is technically optional, but appreciated.

After you meet my criteria, I will proceed to do whatever it is I do, which is provide some of the most extensive, in-depth reviewing and editing you will see this side of Tuesday.

I might be bored.

If the thread gets to the second page, you're already too late.

If you didn't read all of this then I won't be reviewing you because that is just disrespectful... or something like that.

 

[Juia_Darkcrest]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1730819/the-deity-entertainment-network/

If you get only a few takers, please go ahead and look at this if you want.

I might not NEED it, but I'm always looking for constructive criticism to improve myself and my writing.

 

[Th3Breadnought]

Pure clarification request, respect your principles either way:

Every chapter 100% author credited and human beta read/edited (albeit not professionals).

There is an optional/skippable addendum that contains a fictional piece of legislation as worldbuilding context for the type of person who shares my neurodivergency: concept fully author created, formatted to look like a real bill with AI assistance.

Disqualifying?

If so, I will quietly depart without being sourdough about it.

 

[Fairemont]

Pure clarification request, respect your principles either way:

Every chapter 100% author credited and human beta read/edited (albeit not professionals).

There is an optional/skippable addendum that contains a fictional piece of legislation as worldbuilding context for the type of person who shares my neurodivergency: concept fully author created, formatted to look like a real bill with AI assistance.

Disqualifying?

If so, I will quietly depart without being sourdough about it.

That's probably fine.

 

[Th3Breadnought]

That's probably fine.

Much obliged. That said, (little embarrassed) although I'm not in a lot of threads or getting a lot of feedback yet, I'm actually pretty comfortable with my prose and content- so now that I just reread that you're trying to help people who feel they need it most and aren't getting help they've asked for... I think will hold off.

Still, appreciate the reply and what you're doing!

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

I will take some time to critique, review, and/or provide feedback on 1-5 chapters of whatever it is you have written.

However! Some criteria must first be met:

1.) No AI. At all.
2.) I must feel like you need my help
3.) Preferably not anything really depressing or overly evil/dark

The criteria for #2 is predominantly up to my whims. However, if I see you getting feedback in like 6 different threads, you're not qualified. Six might be high. Two is probably enough. I'm going to target people who aren't getting feedback elsewhere.

Likewise, I'm going to focus on people who aren't the best. So, if you're already rather successful, I am not here to help you. I mean, I am, but not right here.

That being said...

I will be selecting only one candidate.

To qualify for feedback you must provide me with the following things/information:

1.) A google drive link with commenting turned on
2.) What you want to receive from the feedback, such as characterization, narrative voice/tone, etc.
3.) You must also sing my praise, because I am a fickle god

#3 is technically optional, but appreciated.

After you meet my criteria, I will proceed to do whatever it is I do, which is provide some of the most extensive, in-depth reviewing and editing you will see this side of Tuesday.

I might be bored.

If the thread gets to the second page, you're already too late.

If you didn't read all of this then I won't be reviewing you because that is just disrespectful... or something like that.

Greetings, stranger whom I absolutely do not know and have absolutely no prior recollections of.

If you were so kind you could give my work that is most certainly unknown to you a try~.

 

[ElijahRyne]

I will take some time to critique, review, and/or provide feedback on 1-5 chapters of whatever it is you have written.

However! Some criteria must first be met:

1.) No AI. At all.
2.) I must feel like you need my help
3.) Preferably not anything really depressing or overly evil/dark

The criteria for #2 is predominantly up to my whims. However, if I see you getting feedback in like 6 different threads, you're not qualified. Six might be high. Two is probably enough. I'm going to target people who aren't getting feedback elsewhere.

Likewise, I'm going to focus on people who aren't the best. So, if you're already rather successful, I am not here to help you. I mean, I am, but not right here.

That being said...

I will be selecting only one candidate.

To qualify for feedback you must provide me with the following things/information:

1.) A google drive link with commenting turned on
2.) What you want to receive from the feedback, such as characterization, narrative voice/tone, etc.
3.) You must also sing my praise, because I am a fickle god

#3 is technically optional, but appreciated.

After you meet my criteria, I will proceed to do whatever it is I do, which is provide some of the most extensive, in-depth reviewing and editing you will see this side of Tuesday.

I might be bored.

If the thread gets to the second page, you're already too late.

If you didn't read all of this then I won't be reviewing you because that is just disrespectful... or something like that.

What I want: This is in the WIP stage, so grammar and spelling issues will likely be caught and do not need to be pointed out. What I am looking for is someone to read through as much as they wish to see if there are any repeated flaws, to see if there are any scenes that do not work, and to generally see what I do well and what I do poorly. if possible could you reply to my comment with your review, instead of in comments on the doc.

Nonetheless, here is a link to the GoogleDoc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-qpLyHm5HVoxOLvIau4VTUO2fDIM4N-hznKwaShjhKI/edit?usp=drivesdk

 

[c37]

I don't think I am qualified, am I?

 

[Fairemont]

I don't think I am qualified, am I?

Why wouldn't you be?

 

[c37]

Why wouldn't you be?

Because you just I reviewed my work yesterday remember?

Because you just I reviewed my work yesterday remember?

In my own thread.

 

[Fairemont]

Because you just I reviewed my work yesterday remember?

Technically not a disqualifying thing, but it does mean I might have less to review.

 

[c37]

Yeah I followed your advice and revised descriptions, but I still need a review on the plot.

 

[LastMinami]

I will take some time to critique, review, and/or provide feedback on 1-5 chapters of whatever it is you have written.

However! Some criteria must first be met:

1.) No AI. At all.
2.) I must feel like you need my help
3.) Preferably not anything really depressing or overly evil/dark

The criteria for #2 is predominantly up to my whims. However, if I see you getting feedback in like 6 different threads, you're not qualified. Six might be high. Two is probably enough. I'm going to target people who aren't getting feedback elsewhere.

Likewise, I'm going to focus on people who aren't the best. So, if you're already rather successful, I am not here to help you. I mean, I am, but not right here.

That being said...

I will be selecting only one candidate.

To qualify for feedback you must provide me with the following things/information:

1.) A google drive link with commenting turned on
2.) What you want to receive from the feedback, such as characterization, narrative voice/tone, etc.
3.) You must also sing my praise, because I am a fickle god

#3 is technically optional, but appreciated.

After you meet my criteria, I will proceed to do whatever it is I do, which is provide some of the most extensive, in-depth reviewing and editing you will see this side of Tuesday.

I might be bored.

If the thread gets to the second page, you're already too late.

If you didn't read all of this then I won't be reviewing you because that is just disrespectful... or something like that.

Lord God, you are being too generous; at the very least you should demand two sacrifices on Friday without fail while dancing to loud Russian music at 10 pm.

 

[Fairemont]

Lord God, you are being too generous; at the very least you should demand two sacrifices on Friday without fail while dancing to loud Russian music at 10 pm.

I don't really plan that far ahead.

 

[Fairemont]

What I want: This is in the WIP stage, so grammar and spelling issues will likely be caught and do not need to be pointed out. What I am looking for is someone to read through as much as they wish to see if there are any repeated flaws, to see if there are any scenes that do not work, and to generally see what I do well and what I do poorly. if possible could you reply to my comment with your review, instead of in comments on the doc.

Nonetheless, here is a link to the GoogleDoc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-qpLyHm5HVoxOLvIau4VTUO2fDIM4N-hznKwaShjhKI/edit?usp=drivesdk

I did not leave any comments in the document at this point.

My general assessment is thus: This is going to be incredibly niche.

Not because of the content, per se, but because of the writing style. The story starts off relying almost entirely on the emotions developed by the loss of the grandfather, but that soon fades as the main character attends school and leaves that sad emotional stuff behind in the narrative. The big issue here is that you're not achieving a lot. I read a prologue and three chapters, and the main character attends one class and that's about all we got done. That is slow.

It is heavy exposition, not a lot of progress, and relies more on the subject matter appealing to the reader than the story or characters drawing them in. This is extremely evident when the teacher starts talking about resonance. This gets pretty long-winded and goes into a lot of technical detailing about the world. Then there is actual world building exposition.

So, your main readers are going to be the type that enjoy the world building exposition and a lot of technical things. You'll lose readers that want something thrilling, exciting, or that moves at a faster pace.

I assumed you will be fixing most grammar and spelling issues, so I can't really comment on repeated issues there. I didn't notice much else that I'd consider a major flaw that wouldn't get shored up in the editing process.

I think you're just going to end up with a really niche product that will have good appeal to a very specific group of readers, but likely be dubbed "boring" by the average web serial reader.

I did find it a bit stuffy, but I think that cleaning up the grammar and stuff in most of these exposition-heavy spots will help a lot so I wasn't too worried about that.

As far as web novels go, for publishing on ScribbleHub and other sites, I'd give it a 4/5 stars (adjusted for proper editing) in its current form, considering the incredibly slow pace and niche presentation style.

 

[Failnot]

The requested google drive

I'd like feedback on the characterization, pacing, and also how to generally improve my fight scenes (which I find to be a big weakness of mine.)

For the third requirement: Wow Fairemont you're so cool and generous and kind and please forgive me for abandoning my feedback thread before reaching your story and your writing is high quality and many other praises etc

Edit: I may have missed the "closed" bit in the title

Whoops

 

[Fairemont]

The requested google drive

I'd like feedback on the characterization, pacing, and also how to generally improve my fight scenes (which I find to be a big weakness of mine.)

For the third requirement: Wow Fairemont you're so cool and generous and kind and please forgive me for abandoning my feedback thread before reaching your story and your writing is high quality and many other praises etc

I already closed the thread, so if you want feedback you'll need to isolate sections you want me to look at down to just one or two. No more than 5 pages total.

 

[Failnot]

I already closed the thread, so if you want feedback you'll need to isolate sections you want me to look at down to just one or two. No more than 5 pages total.

Oh, in that case, please look at Chapter 4, because I consider it to be the weakest of everything I've written. It's about 3-4 pages, I think