Draft Revision: The Academy’s Ultimate Card Player

[Arch9CivilReactor]

I had not been able to write my next chapter due to IRL time constraints, but have noticed what I personally perceive as a glaring flaw in my work and wanted to fix it up somehow. The current benchmark I’m setting for myself is as follows.

1. The synopsis should be clear.
2. The story should flow in a consistent path.

I feel like I’ve failed the first objective in mind.

The Academy’s Ultimate Card Player

Was it a novel or prophecy? A young man found himself transported millennia into the distant future, only to find that this place was similar to a novel he had read in the past... Back when he was a magic sport superstar with time to waste. He got a new...

www.scribblehub.com

(Synopsis:
Was it a novel or prophecy? A young man found himself transported millennia into the distant future, only to find that this place was similar to a novel he had read in the past... Back when he was a magic sport superstar with time to waste.

He got a new name and identity. Choosing to enter the academy for a bright future. Hoping to avoid the ‘main story’ of that novel and the dangers the protagonist faced. After all, he was not someone who had any ‘plot armour’.

Lex: “Just gotta get the certificate and bail. No problem… HOLD IT! Hey, grab him before he ruins the mission! No, I didn’t say that. Just listen to me, will ya?! Please just listen to me!!!”

Our ‘common’ time traveller found himself having to deal with an eccentric team of weirdos.

Could he really graduate safely like this…? )

The current draft of the story is around seven chapters long and stops just before the ‘first fight’ happens. This battle is supposed to be between the morally ambiguous main character and someone who is more driven by emotions.

Enemies becoming friends and teammates.

That is what it looks like at a micro level from my point of view, but I realised there is no ‘bigger picture’ on the macro level. This fight does not tie into the vague synopsis properly. The way I’d presented my world I also find too lacklustre.

So how do I improve?

It’s easy to find flaws, but not so easy to improve on them without taking a closer look. No one can write the story for you, and no one can give you the advice you want to hear. This is making me contemplate on why things panned out like this.

The first variable might be my glossary notes.

I’d introduced the concept of ‘Summon Cards’ too late because I’d only just figured out what they do via Chapter 7. They probably seemed like they came into existence out of nowhere likely because I really did recently create them.

I got too excited about introducing what I’d just figured out in my world building. That might be why I’m unsatisfied after a reread. This is a bad habit of mine I gotta get out of. One way to improve things might be to set the bar early.

Better to simplify the power system early on.

Due to my particular power system following the same type as Hunter X Hunter’s Nen (in that there is ‘abilities’ created from the basics of the system, rather than solely randomised). I realise the best way to express it is giving the main character NOTHING. If I want to express this story more clearly, I need to change the MC.

So what I’ve got after all that is…

1. Decide the power system early.
2. Make the characters embody that system early.

The best reference I can probably learn from would probably be ‘Omniscient First-Person’s Viewpoint’. I realised that the title was likely in reference to the main character’s telepathic abilities that borders on having omniscience.

If I compare it to what I did I have:

1. A title that just in reference to MC’s status.

2. Synopsis that vaguely depicts a slice-of-life scenario with no clear goal other than “I need to graduate”. The stakes themselves not being as clear-cut or displaying the MC’s main quirks.

3. Content of the story goes from attending the academy admission (with subplots) > gets punched > life and death battle for digging up his future teammate’s family grave > exposition chapters > fight.

The third point seems to be way more disconnected than I’d realised. I’m only now seeing that the chapters between the fight itself and the introduction can only be considered tasteless exposition that drags on way too long.

Maybe I’d taken too many bad qualities from what I’d been reading lately. There is definitely more I can do to improve on this. This entire post being just an extensive review on my initial world building mistake, which didn’t count the others.

I believe a poll is in order to get things going.

I’m definitely going to have figure out a more simplified premise for the story. Being in a place where exposition can be gradually drip fed to the audience. I also need to change the way I build up and pay off stuff. My current way is inelegant.

The poll of thinking is about making ‘clear goals’.

To elaborate: What Is An Interesting Premise?

The initial hook that grabs the audience and gives them incentive to keep reading. These choices will be based off preference, but I’m more than happy to hear any suggestions.

Pick as many as you want this time.

 

[Plantorsomething]

Just a bit of advice, the non-response bias is much higher with really big surveys like this, and the large a Lunt of text probably doesn’t help

 

[Nolff]

I had not been able to write my next chapter due to IRL time constraints, but have noticed what I personally perceive as a glaring flaw in my work and wanted to fix it up somehow. The current benchmark I’m setting for myself is as follows.

1. The synopsis should be clear.
2. The story should flow in a consistent path.

I feel like I’ve failed the first objective in mind.

The Academy’s Ultimate Card Player

Was it a novel or prophecy? A young man found himself transported millennia into the distant future, only to find that this place was similar to a novel he had read in the past... Back when he was a magic sport superstar with time to waste. He got a new...

www.scribblehub.com

(Synopsis:
Was it a novel or prophecy? A young man found himself transported millennia into the distant future, only to find that this place was similar to a novel he had read in the past... Back when he was a magic sport superstar with time to waste.

He got a new name and identity. Choosing to enter the academy for a bright future. Hoping to avoid the ‘main story’ of that novel and the dangers the protagonist faced. After all, he was not someone who had any ‘plot armour’.

Lex: “Just gotta get the certificate and bail. No problem… HOLD IT! Hey, grab him before he ruins the mission! No, I didn’t say that. Just listen to me, will ya?! Please just listen to me!!!”

Our ‘common’ time traveller found himself having to deal with an eccentric team of weirdos.

Could he really graduate safely like this…? )

The current draft of the story is around seven chapters long and stops just before the ‘first fight’ happens. This battle is supposed to be between the morally ambiguous main character and someone who is more driven by emotions.

Enemies becoming friends and teammates.

That is what it looks like at a micro level from my point of view, but I realised there is no ‘bigger picture’ on the macro level. This fight does not tie into the vague synopsis properly. The way I’d presented my world I also find too lacklustre.

So how do I improve?

It’s easy to find flaws, but not so easy to improve on them without taking a closer look. No one can write the story for you, and no one can give you the advice you want to hear. This is making me contemplate on why things panned out like this.

The first variable might be my glossary notes.

I’d introduced the concept of ‘Summon Cards’ too late because I’d only just figured out what they do via Chapter 7. They probably seemed like they came into existence out of nowhere likely because I really did recently create them.

I got too excited about introducing what I’d just figured out in my world building. That might be why I’m unsatisfied after a reread. This is a bad habit of mine I gotta get out of. One way to improve things might be to set the bar early.

Better to simplify the power system early on.

Due to my particular power system following the same type as Hunter X Hunter’s Nen (in that there is ‘abilities’ created from the basics of the system, rather than solely randomised). I realise the best way to express it is giving the main character NOTHING. If I want to express this story more clearly, I need to change the MC.

So what I’ve got after all that is…

1. Decide the power system early.
2. Make the characters embody that system early.

The best reference I can probably learn from would probably be ‘Omniscient First-Person’s Viewpoint’. I realised that the title was likely in reference to the main character’s telepathic abilities that borders on having omniscience.

If I compare it to what I did I have:

1. A title that just in reference to MC’s status.

2. Synopsis that vaguely depicts a slice-of-life scenario with no clear goal other than “I need to graduate”. The stakes themselves not being as clear-cut or displaying the MC’s main quirks.

3. Content of the story goes from attending the academy admission (with subplots) > gets punched > life and death battle for digging up his future teammate’s family grave > exposition chapters > fight.

The third point seems to be way more disconnected than I’d realised. I’m only now seeing that the chapters between the fight itself and the introduction can only be considered tasteless exposition that drags on way too long.

Maybe I’d taken too many bad qualities from what I’d been reading lately. There is definitely more I can do to improve on this. This entire post being just an extensive review on my initial world building mistake, which didn’t count the others.

I believe a poll is in order to get things going.

I’m definitely going to have figure out a more simplified premise for the story. Being in a place where exposition can be gradually drip fed to the audience. I also need to change the way I build up and pay off stuff. My current way is inelegant.

The poll of thinking is about making ‘clear goals’.

To elaborate: What Is An Interesting Premise?

The initial hook that grabs the audience and gives them incentive to keep reading. These choices will be based off preference, but I’m more than happy to hear any suggestions.

Pick as many as you want this time.

I've chosen three of my preferences.

-Fixing The Plot
-Touching The Secret World, and
-An Idea Executed Nicely

Those are some of the nowadays readers' preferences.

Can't give you a clear reason right now, I have some business to do.

*Runs to the bathroom A-Train style*

 

[JayMark]

I don't think your problem is the story idea itself. Advice from a nobody who still struggles with all these issues:

Advice Specific to Your Story

1. Character interactions are way too much telling things that should remain in the character notes instead of showing readers actions, reactions, and dialogue to let them figure out things for themselves. Scene descriptions are also prone to being over told.

2. Prose is repetitive. Readers will begin to skim and skip if prose is overly repetitive, sometimes to the point of missing important information. Repetition not used sparingly and deliberately for emphasis is boring. If you can rewrite something to have less words but the same meaning and impact, do so. Prose is poetry in reverse so word choice is always important. Make every word count to the best of your ability.

3. Sentence fragments for emphasis are overdone and I never recommend using the dangling participle for this purpose.

I think if you improve in those three categories the strengths of your story will start to shine through. Chapters felt like they could probably be shorter but that might be a product of wordiness.

General Advice

*Readers have a variety of plot, character type, and event preferences internalized and some will hate on you for what you write regardless of quality, instead of being decent and quietly finding something that suits them. This is not an area where you can win. Some people want writers to only produce what suits their preferences exactly and hate everything else. Hate is unavoidable. I regard these criticisms as either invalid if my vision is set or sometimes as an idea source to change things later if I want to appeal to a bandwagon. Have confidence in your story and execute your vision as flawlessly as possible.

*You have to live in your work. Nobody is going to spend more time in your text than you do. If you go back to reread it and it doesn't interest you, if you can't praise your work or enjoy rereading it again and again, you need to tinker with it. Maybe it's not flawless, but if the story was so good it was worth your time as a writer and you nearly get distracted rereading it to the point you have to pull yourself away to write and draft more, then you are on the right track as a writer.

*Don't be afraid to reread your work with a fresh eye as you improve.

 

[laccoff_mawning]

As a comedy reader, I think "Basement dweller hit by the apocaypse" could be hillarious.

I'll try and throw some critique about the current story thing here:

2. Synopsis that vaguely depicts a slice-of-life scenario with no clear goal other than “I need to graduate”. The stakes themselves not being as clear-cut or displaying the MC’s main quirks.

Your synopsis doesn't depict slice-of-life at all. "Hoping to avoid the main story" is not equivalent to "Avoiding the main story". And from the third paragraph, It sounds a lot more like he fails to avoid the main story, hence it doesn't have a SoL feel at all. (Which might be very much what you want, but it isn't what you've analysed it as.)

Now, take this advice with a grain of salt, but when I'm thinking of premises, I would try and tie it back to the genre and the emotion it's meant to invoke.

For example, I like comedies. Why do I like comedies? Because it makes me laugh. Thus, the thing that attracts me to a story is its ability to make me laugh. So when check the cover, title and synopsis of a book, im looking for things that suggest it has a lighthearted atmosphere, and/or humorous.

As an author, I can do the same thing in reverse. What do I want to write? I want to write comedies. What's my hook, then? That would be jokes that makes the audience laugh. How do I story with a good premise? I check if it's lighthearted and if I can make it funny.

So, I would argue that a good premise is one that gives you plentiful scenarios you can use to invoke the emotions your story focuses on.

 

[Arch9CivilReactor]

As a comedy reader, I think "Basement dweller hit by the apocaypse" could be hillarious.

I'll try and throw some critique about the current story thing here:

Your synopsis doesn't depict slice-of-life at all. "Hoping to avoid the main story" is not equivalent to "Avoiding the main story". And from the third paragraph, It sounds a lot more like he fails to avoid the main story, hence it doesn't have a SoL feel at all. (Which might be very much what you want, but it isn't what you've analysed it as.)

Now, take this advice with a grain of salt, but when I'm thinking of premises, I would try and tie it back to the genre and the emotion it's meant to invoke.

For example, I like comedies. Why do I like comedies? Because it makes me laugh. Thus, the thing that attracts me to a story is its ability to make me laugh. So when check the cover, title and synopsis of a book, im looking for things that suggest it has a lighthearted atmosphere, and/or humorous.

As an author, I can do the same thing in reverse. What do I want to write? I want to write comedies. What's my hook, then? That would be jokes that makes the audience laugh. How do I story with a good premise? I check if it's lighthearted and if I can make it funny.

So, I would argue that a good premise is one that gives you plentiful scenarios you can use to invoke the emotions your story focuses on.

Yes. This is the thing. Focus. I felt like my previous presentation was inadequate to what I really wanted to write, and also felt a bit disingenuous to what audience I wanted. My problem was trying to reach out to wide even though my preferences may be different.

I see what you mean by having balance by my own preference and reader preference when seeing the presentation. I will take that into consideration. Thank you for your advice.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Seriously the Wall of Poll followed by Wall of Text was a bit intimidating - too much for me to really look into it.