Does this joke work?

[ThisAdamGuy]

I just wrote this joke. I like it and I want to use it, but I'm not entirely sure if it works in its current state. So what do you think? Thumbs up or down?

He looked like someone who had been kicked out of the nursing home for being above the age limit, and then had gotten exactly halfway through the process of being turned into beef jerky before whatever dark wizard who had cursed him had gone on his lunch break.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Seems to have too many clauses to it to be effective really. Might be better if you just cut the part about being kicked out of a nursing home and just tighten it a bit?
Though if he also turned green you'd be describing Yoda so...

 

[Placeholder]

It doesn't flow. Try reading the lines out loud.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Might need to be more snappy, as is I did not find it humorous.

 

[Bartun]

Maybe this?

He looked like someone who had gotten halfway through the process of being turned into beef jerky before the dark wizard who had cursed him had gone on his lunch break.

 

[Alski]

The part about the nusing home is just doesnt make sense. A nursing home is usually where old people go to die, as such there is no upper age limit.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

The part about the nursing home is just doesn't make sense. A nursing home is usually where old people go to die, as such there is no upper age limit.

My guess is that was meant to be the joke, but it didn't quite land and he kept adding to it. Just a hunch.

 

[ZombieHat]

I just wrote this joke. I like it and I want to use it, but I'm not entirely sure if it works in its current state. So what do you think? Thumbs up or down?

Its too wordy with the different clauses. You need to streamline the joke a bit more, or have it relate to one another. Nursing home and wizard jerky don't really correlate well.

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

Ok I've replaced it with this.

Somehow he managed to look dried out like a sentient beef jerky man, and moist and swollen like a water balloon at the same time.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Ok I've replaced it with this.

Definitely stronger.

 

[Alski]

Ok I've replaced it with this.

maybe you could get some AI generated art to help the comunity visualise it.