Description

[CakeEatsNothing]

I'm planning on writing another story and I wondered which description seemed more likable soo. I already decided which one I will choose but I just wanted to see what people would choose.

1- A girl is born with overwhelmingly high mana and the rare light magic. Welcoming her into the King's castle she lives to find out what happens between castle walls. But she doesn't care about that she just wants to eat.

2- A dense girl who lives within the kingdom of Invion is born with the rare light element and overwhelming high mana. After figuring out what happens between castle walls she strives to become strong and leave this place.

But what is with all these handsome boys after her!!

 

[RepresentingCaution]

I like 2 better. Wanting to eat is a great personality quirk, and you could work that into 2, but I don't like complacent protagonists. I like protagonists who care and want to make a difference. Now you could have her start as 1 and change to 2 along the way, after some event convinces her that she should care.

 

[Maple-Leaf]

Personally, I like number 1, just because the disconnect between a protagonist with complacent goals and the people around them makes me laugh.
But if you're planning to have reverse harem or a love hexagon, you might want to go with the second one to give a teaser.

 

[CakeEatsNothing]

Personally, I like number 1, just because the disconnect between a protagonist with complacent goals and the people around them makes me laugh.
But if you're planning to have a reverse harem or a love hexagon, you might want to go with the second one to give a teaser.

Well although the protagonist has love interests that are important to the story she doesn't get with any of them so I don't know if that counts as romance or not.

 

[Freesia.Cutepearl]

1- A girl is born with overwhelmingly high mana and the rare light magic. Welcoming her into the King's castle she lives to find out what happens between castle walls. But she doesn't care about that she just wants to eat.

2- A dense girl who lives within the kingdom of Invion is born with the rare light element and overwhelming high mana. After figuring out what happens between castle walls she strives to become strong and leave this place.

But what is with all these handsome boys after her!!

After hours and hours of being corrected by Google Docs and Grammarly, I have to, I'm sorry.

1- A girl is born with overwhelmingly high mana and rare light magic. Welcomed into the King's castle she finds out what happens between the castle walls. But she doesn't care about that she just wants to eat.

Some edits for wording, and some others to clarify intent/readability. Based on the 3rd sentence she doesn't care, however the phrase "lives to find out" implies that her life revolves around the events within the castle. It's a form of the phrasing "I live for cake" or "She lives for Drama".

Personally, I like two better, but I feel like they could be melded together:

Born with overwhelming Mana and a talent for rare light magic, a dense girl is invited into the King's castle, she does not care for what goes on between it's walls and only wants to eat. She strives to become strong in hopes of leaving the castle behind, but what is with all these handsome boys chasing her?

I only know what was in those two descriptions, so what I could do was limited. But maybe it gives you some ideas.

I can highly recommend a thread by the lovely @JayDirex centered around writing a synopsis, that works really lovely. It took me a bit to get it but it really does work well once you do.

Jay's Synopsis Formula will work on your novel.

This is actually an answer to an earlier thread, but it's best to share as a full thread. Why? Because it works. It does not matter if your story is slice of life about a GENDER-BENT BLOB OF ENERGY. My synopsis formula works. All you have to do is answer these FOUR QUESTIONS and you can create...

forum.scribblehub.com

 

[midnightrainbow]

#1 has no plot.

#2 is better, but please tell us what it is that she figures out. Be specific. She wants to leave and then do what (goal)?

 

[Deleted member 29081]

I'm planning on writing another story and I wondered which description seemed more likable soo. I already decided which one I will choose but I just wanted to see what people would choose.

1- A girl is born with overwhelmingly high mana and the rare light magic. Welcoming her into the King's castle she lives to find out what happens between castle walls. But she doesn't care about that she just wants to eat.

2- A dense girl who lives within the kingdom of Invion is born with the rare light element and overwhelming high mana. After figuring out what happens between castle walls she strives to become strong and leave this place.

But what is with all these handsome boys after her!!

[insert name of character here] is a young girl who lives in the Kingdom of Invion. Born with a rare light element and overwhelmingly high mana, she is welcomed into the King's castle with open arms. During her stay, however, she inevitably discovers some dirty secrets best kept hidden about the King and what happens within his castle's walls.

But despite all the dangers and backstabbing (and the army of handsome boys apparently tearing at each other's throats for a chance to be with her), all she really cares about is being able to eat good food every day.

Enjoy a from-rags-to-riches story about a dense girl biting a bit more than she can chew.