Oh heya, I have read the first chapter of your work! On a personal note, I enjoy conspiracies, the first two chapters seem to be the buildup for the main character and setting the background for the story, so instead of going into depth, I'll give you some initial impressions instead!
The setting of the story mashes up a lot of things from different cultures. I haven't read far enough to see how it all shakes out, though my gut feeling is that it gives me an odd feeling! It is like a patchwork of things that should not come together have come together! (laugh) For example, the very first line introduces the names "Petrichor" and "Pollux", which are decidedly Greek terms, and slot them into "Ancient Egypt", which threw my mind for a loop. Those two things seemed like they didn't go together too well, even if you consider later Greek influence! (i.e why are they at court if they are foreigners...) The main magic system (Ki) has an eastern culture naming, which fits into how the secret assassin group operates with Japanese naming, and is yet another strange building block in the puzzle. That one I can accept better because bounty hunters/assassins go with the idea of 'ninjas'. My way of fitting it in was that it plays into the conspiracy theory of "History is fabricated", but I am quite sure that is not the author's intention! Names have meaning, especially for those in the know! The backstory feels a little shaky because of the mismatched elements. I am unsure how to fit this well, except that perhaps it could be part of myth that has pass through so many lips that people might have gotten it wrong or merged names and organizations together over time?
Another part of the story I notice is that it is told through the voice of an 'observer' outside the story. Perhaps like someone who is recording down history, hence your name! One thing I note in your writing style is that you tend to write things as if they are spoken out of "rumors" and secrets. The purpose is to hype the characters up by shrouding them in mystery, but it didn't really reach that effect with me...
The reason is that it starts making me confused because I am not sure what to believe anymore? For example, the part about the White Bolt knowing Dark Ki is shrouded in mystery, but it doesn't have any immediate consequence or payoff, it feel like an island in the midst of many spooky tidbits scattered around the story. I think that sometimes you can 'direct' the reader by slipping in 'the truth' amongst the rumors, and if you do it consistently, readers will pick up on it and it leads them to think about the story rather than have to be told "Guy A is awesome because of this special ability/feat he has", which feels less impressive because it is read like second-hand information!
Finally, the importance of the cult's evil isn't really stated well, despite being the bad guys. I have no idea what side I am supposed to be cheering for because the secretive people don't feel like they are good people to me either if they are constantly backstabbing each other? I think that the evil they do that continues into current times could be stated or emphasized a whole lot more to distinguish them. Basically secret societies are all squabbling on a mountain of mud, but I have a hard time getting behind 'good guys' whose organization name is literally "The Eye"! Once again, names have meaning, the eye is usually a symbol of evil and surveillance, if this is inverted somehow there must be a good reason!
What I won't say is that it is a bad concept though; It feels like the story is taking a lot of elements in the periphery of conspiracy and culture and putting them together, which I think is what every good story does. I think you could do a lot more work on the symbolism of objects in the story, the disparate elements would click together a lot better if they had an underlying layer of 'meaning'!
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