can people give me feedback on my story

[philpil2010]

I started to write my series recently and I'm looking for feedback

be as brutally honest as possible please
it's down here
|
|
\/

broken world

after trying to get food in a snowstorm Aaron dies and reincarnates in a world made of asteroids note this is something i made on a whim no upload schedule dm me for any critsiem you have. please tell me how i can improve my story :) broken world © 2024 by philpil2010...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Can they? Yes.
Will they? Maybe (a link in the text part of your post is more effective as signatures do not show up on the mobile version of the site).
Will you regret it if they do? Probably only if someone summons @Tempokai

 

[HarperMcFarlane]

So, you said you wanted brutally honest but I’m not exactly the brutal type. I hope constructive but hopeful criticism will suffice.

The good? The sort of blasé delivery of the MC can definitely be an entertaining read. I’m a bit of a sucker for characters like Deadpool or Freakazoid. (damn, showing my age with that last one I think)

The bad? I only made it about a chapter and a half in due to the poor grammar. For readers who aren’t so picky about such a thing this could be a minor issue but to me it made it kind of hard to read to the point it took me out of it entirely. This is something you can always come back to in the future to fix if you want to just enjoy the ride of writing it all out first.

I hope that helps.

 

[TheIcMan]

Sadly the grammar was so poor I couldn't make it. Two different spellings of the same thing in the first paragraph? No thanks.

This line did make me laugh tho lmao

As I arrived at the the store I found it to be not open (for those of you that lack brain power its closed).

It's definitely 12 year old energy, but I'm down for an MC like that once in a while.

 

[philpil2010]

Can they? Yes.
Will they? Maybe (a link in the text part of your post is more effective as signatures do not show up on the mobile version of the site).
Will you regret it if they do? Probably only if someone summons @Tempokai

oh thanks i'll add it

So, you said you wanted brutally honest but I’m not exactly the brutal type. I hope constructive but hopeful criticism will suffice.

The good? The sort of blasé delivery of the MC can definitely be an entertaining read. I’m a bit of a sucker for characters like Deadpool or Freakazoid. (damn, showing my age with that last one I think)

The bad? I only made it about a chapter and a half in due to the poor grammar. For readers who aren’t so picky about such a thing this could be a minor issue but to me it made it kind of hard to read to the point it took me out of it entirely. This is something you can always come back to in the future to fix if you want to just enjoy the ride of writing it all out first.

I hope that helps.

thanks i am aware of that issue and will correct some of it during my test period

Sadly the grammar was so poor I couldn't make it. Two different spellings of the same thing in the first paragraph? No thanks.

This line did make me laugh tho lmao

It's definitely 12 year old energy, but I'm down for an MC like that once in a while.

i'll tell you when i fix it

I’m a bit of a sucker for characters like Deadpool or Freakazoid.

sorry for not keeping the character the same i'll try and steer it back though