Can i have a honest review?

[Deleted member 180663]

Can i have a honest review of volume 1 since voulme two is ending.
Tell me if have any suggestions for improvements.
Which is from chapter 1—10
(Start chapters have been renewed)
Novel:Beyond Infinity

Synopsis:
In a world where supernatural phenomena are born from human fears and desires, I—Hoshino—have always harbored a twisted yearning: to hurt and be hurt. This peculiar craving shaped my life into a series of incomprehensible events.

I was trapped in the 「Last Void」 during middle school, a realm beyond reality. By high school, I shattered time itself, merging with my future to recreate the past, breaking my present in the process. In my third year, I sought death at my lover's hands, but when she refused, I took matters into my own. Yet, death eluded me, and I was thrust into a never-ending cycle of transmigration, reincarnation, and regression across countless worlds.

In each twisted reality, I faced infinite versions of myself—sometimes a savior, sometimes a destroyer. Trust, love, and peace became unattainable luxuries, and power meaningless in the face of endless despair. Trapped in a multiverse of infinite tragedies, I ascended to become the Monarch, sovereign of all existence, but even omnipotence could not erase the tragedy of my existence. My suicidal instinct continues to haunt me as I navigate a world where hope is a cruel illusion, and every iteration of life ends in pain.

“Once a tragedy, always a tragedy.”
​

Or

Beyond infinity

In a world where supernatural phenomena manifest from the raw intensity of human fears, desires, and emotions, I—Hoshino—have always carried a peculiar yearning: the desire to be hurt and to hurt others. This desire shaped my life, twisting it into something incomprehensible. In middle school...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Tsuru]

too big.


that is why the thread is deserted.

Half serious-joking advice :

(onepunch)

 

[Deleted member 180663]

too big.


that is why the thread is deserted.

Half serious-joking advice :

(onepunch)

But no one came.

 

[Tsuru]

But no one came.

1) NOT THIS PART the shortening, the SUMMARY


2) Ask in "review swap" threads

 

[Deleted member 180663]

1) NOT THIS PART the shortening, the SUMMARY


2) Ask in "review swap" threads

1)In a world where supernatural phenomena are born from human fears and desires, I—Hoshino—have always harbored a twisted yearning: to hurt and be hurt. This peculiar craving shaped my life into a series of incomprehensible events.

I was trapped in the 「Last Void」 during middle school, a realm beyond reality. By high school, I shattered time itself, merging with my future to recreate the past, breaking my present in the process. In my third year, I sought death at my lover's hands, but when she refused, I took matters into my own. Yet, death eluded me, and I was thrust into a never-ending cycle of transmigration, reincarnation, and regression across countless worlds.

In each twisted reality, I faced infinite versions of myself—sometimes a savior, sometimes a destroyer. Trust, love, and peace became unattainable luxuries, and power meaningless in the face of endless despair. Trapped in a multiverse of infinite tragedies, I ascended to become the Monarch, sovereign of all existence, but even omnipotence could not erase the tragedy of my existence. My suicidal instinct continues to haunt me as I navigate a world where hope is a cruel illusion, and every iteration of life ends in pain.

“Once a tragedy, always a tragedy.”


2)The review swap thread doesn't exist.

 

[KingofPizza]

I can take a look if you want, but I can't promise I'll read the whole thing. Would you like feedback in a private message, or in the form of a public review? I always consider the good and the bad, but I tend to be a lot nicer in public reviews.

Here's mine. You don't have to review it or whatever, but I'd just like to push it here since we're posting our works anyway. The (nearly) completed story is available on a certain other famous fiction website, but it's probably a no-no to link to it, so here's the first act:

Ferdie and the Elementals [Punching & Spellcasting Isekai LitRPG]

What would you do if the only power you had to save the world could doom it just as easily? Back on Earth, I went by Ferdie. I led a fast and hard life until my girlfriend joined the Liberation Society, pinned me down with her bots, and cut my...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Deleted member 180663]

I can take a look if you want, but I can't promise I'll read the whole thing. Would you like feedback in a private message, or in the form of a public review? I always consider the good and the bad, but I tend to be a lot nicer in public reviews.

Here's mine. You don't have to review it or whatever, but I'd just like to push it here since we're posting our works anyway. The (nearly) completed story is available on a certain other famous fiction website, but it's probably a no-no to link to it, so here's the first act:

Ferdie and the Elementals [Punching & Spellcasting Isekai LitRPG]

What would you do if the only power you had to save the world could doom it just as easily? Back on Earth, I went by Ferdie. I led a fast and hard life until my girlfriend joined the Liberation Society, pinned me down with her bots, and cut my...

www.scribblehub.com

Do it in public review, don't sugarcoat words okay?I want an honest review of what you think of your novel..
And I'll read your novel too,later.

 

[KingofPizza]

Do it in public review, don't sugarcoat words okay?I want an honest review of what you think of your novel..
And I'll read your novel too.

Based. I'll read it tonight and post my thoughts when I think I've read enough.

 

[KingofPizza]

Review posted.

Basically, I think the story is very unique and stylish, but it might be hard to relate to for most readers. Polish your traditional storytelling conventions, and I think you will do really well going forward.

Also, I would ax the Twisted Thoughts chapter and jump straight in at Daydreams. My two cents as a reader.

 

[Deleted member 180663]

Review posted.

Basically, I think the story is very unique and stylish, but it might be hard to relate to for most readers. Polish your traditional storytelling conventions, and I think you will do really well going forward.

Also, I would ax the Twisted Thoughts chapter and jump straight in at Daydreams. My two cents as a reader.

Why did you rate it 3 stars, is it bad. Oh that must be it.
On the ax of the twisted thoughts chapters.
And why though, is is not enjoyable?
Is not emotional, or is not sad enough or is it bad?
I guess its ba—no terrible.

I read the review, the traditional story telling? its a light novel,You know?
I never mentioned it to be a webnovel.
The histories your refering to are short stories/extras. You can skip them if you want tho.
And you have only read to chapter 4.1.

The things is, the get to know the mentality of hoshino by reading, its not like i am gona like reveal the whole thing when i can just it periodicaly.
In volume two, you get to know most of the reason why he is like that.


And thanks for the review! I appreciate it.

 

[KingofPizza]

Why did you rate it 3 stars, is it bad. Oh that must be it.
On the ax of the twisted thoughts chapters.
And why though, is is not enjoyable?
Is not emotional, or is not sad enough or is it bad?
I guess its ba—no terrible.

I read the review, the traditional story telling? its a light novel,You know?
I never mentioned it to be a webnovel.
The histories your refering to are short stories/extras. You can skip them if you want tho.
And you have only read to chapter 4.1.

The things is, the get to know the mentality of hoshino by reading, its not like i am gona like reveal the whole thing when i can just it periodicaly.
In volume two, you get to know most of the reason why he is like that.


And thanks for the review! I appreciate it.

No, it's not bad. 3 stars is not bad - it's average. Or maybe balanced, in your case. The story's compelling points are gimped by the bad points. I actually wanted to give it 3.5 because it's unique and has potential, but SH wouldn't let me.

Light novel or no, you gotta tight up your craft if you want more readers. Unless we're talking about avant garde Postmodernist stuff, all forms of storytelling should show due respect to traditional conventions: three act structure, investable/relatable protagonists, show-don't tell, hero's journey, so on and so forth, blah, blah, blah.

You can pick and choose which ones you want to use and which ones to throw out, but you shouldn't throw out so many. Show a bit more respect for the craft, and it will reward you.

I understand that I didn't read too far, but to be frank, lots of readers won't be as generous as me when reading your story. In the publishing world, one chapter is enough to make a decision on whether or not a company with bother with a new manuscript.

I've done and said all that I can. I'm on my own journey, too. And your numbers are still better than mine anyways, so whatevs.

Peace and love, stay based and keep writing.

 

[The_best]

Based. I'll read it tonight and post my thoughts when I think I've read enough.

Sorry if I'm being rude, but could you try reading my novel as well and give me an honest review about it? It's okay even if it's bad, the important thing is that it be honest.

 

[Deleted member 180663]

No, it's not bad. 3 stars is not bad - it's average. Or maybe balanced, in your case. The story's compelling points are gimped by the bad points. I actually wanted to give it 3.5 because it's unique and has potential, but SH wouldn't let me.

Light novel or no, you gotta tight up your craft if you want more readers. Unless we're talking about avant garde Postmodernist stuff, all forms of storytelling should show due respect to traditional conventions: three act structure, investable/relatable protagonists, show-don't tell, hero's journey, so on and so forth, blah, blah, blah.

You can pick and choose which ones you want to use and which ones to throw out, but you shouldn't throw out so many. Show a bit more respect for the craft, and it will reward you.

I understand that I didn't read too far, but to be frank, lots of readers won't be as generous as me when reading your story. In the publishing world, one chapter is enough to make a decision on whether or not a company with bother with a new manuscript.

I've done and said all that I can. I'm on my own journey, too. And your numbers are still better than mine anyways, so whatevs.

Peace and love, stay based and keep writing.

Fair enough.
But i am not following that “traditional web novel” stuff.
Well. Even if i get hate or not, i will keep writing.
The fisrt reason i wrote this is because of my amusement.
And The only one who hoshino will relate will be me.