Been posting for a month, I'll appreciate any feedback✌️

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Nov 19, 2024
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I gave it a try, I'm a beginner as well so don't take everything I say for granted


He turned, his hands finding his blades as water dripped from the steel.



He untied the twig-braided rope and put it in his mouth, the bitterness filling his mouth.



He flipped his left blade into a reversed grip. He slammed the blade into the wood, the bark shuddering from the impact.



He hopped off the edge, feet dangling. The other sword followed.



The bark spat splinters at Tenaro's face as he drove the blades into the wood.

Notice how in these all the sentences starts with "He" it becomes boring really quickly, also fragmented sentences don't work everywhere, They are reserved for high stakes situations or sometimes for comedy

Try it like this

"He turned, hands finding his blades as the water dripped, following the blade. Untying the twig-braided rope, he put it in his mouth — bitterness flooding the tongue.

Slam!

Left blade flipped--Reversed grip!

Bark studdering from the impact, as he slammed the blade on to the wood."

Still keeps the 'High action' scene you are going for


He gathered both his swords in one hand, pulled the rope from his mouth.



He wrapped it around the hilts and tied them around his waist.

Same problem everywhere, too much action beats that the reader can't even rest between them. Add few lines of visceral sensation,like how did he feel? What did he think? in between these beats and

I read till chapter 2, this is the most pressing problem. Going through action beats too fast
 

Emhd511

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Mar 14, 2026
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Thx, I'll see what I can do🙏🙏
I js revised the entire chapter, so feel free to read through it.
I read ur reply after editing so I mightve still made the mistake you pointed out
 
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