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Hahaha! For my current stretch, my MC was just recently promoted to Captain, but he doesn't have a team except for three guys. He needs nine more. So in chapter 61 they went to another castle to recruit out their team. Basically from 62-70 I've been trying to write it as "The Bachelorette"...

Here you go: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/967246/a-place-to-bloom/

This is the opening scene of chapter 1, so it has to be pristine. I thought maybe if I trim the fat... but am I losing anything valuable? Original: Revision:

I couldn't finish the first chapter, sorry. First, the prose reads as a rough draft. There's poor comma usage, word repetition, and in some places explicitly stated motives that are better left unsaid. My recommendation is to feed this into a text reader and listen to it. Anything that...

"Think!" He cried. "Eva! It's me, don't you recognize me? Your special 'Dolphy-Doo-Doo'? "What?" She screeched. "Impossible!" Then she looked in the mirror and saw in the reflection, the reincarnated spirit of her long lost love. "But why did they give you a body of someone so..."

I heard that some time after he was rejected from art school, he committed suicide.

I write. I think you mean to ask what I do in my up time? I write while pretending to work.

How's this: I slammed my hand flat against Bazen’s chest, grasping the arrow shaft between my thumb and the rest of my hand. He heaved and coughed. A bloody glob dropped out from his mouth and splatted onto the black dirt below. “I need someone to hold him!” I felt arrows being pulled from my...

I can't write a synopsis to save my life. I feel like anything I say is going to spoil it.

That would be a spoiler. That would be a spoiler. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Thirteen years ago I received advice on writing erotica, and I have found it useful for writing fights as well. Basically, you want to focus on action -> response. Action -> response. Bob punches Bill in the face. Bill turns to the side and answers with a right hook. Bob blocks that and...

I made it about ⅔ through and gave up. I really liked the beginning. You painted the scene very well. I felt like I was in the world, seeing everything. Then I guess he was in some sort of dream? I got lost about what was going on, and after a while it just kinda kept going and not going...

Some readers don't like 1st person. I've never met a reader who didn't like 3rd person, so there's that. I write in 1st because years ago when I started this story I figured "maybe I want to do Roshomon on this thing" and figured isolating the POV to just the one MC's perception would...

What I just read sounds more like world building than a synopsis. You name three characters, but what do they want?

This is littered with typos: misspelled words, wrong words, poor comma usage along with other punctuation. That's minor and easily fixed. I don't have a good sense of the layout. I think there's only two protagonists, Bel and Lacius, and six orcs, and each party is on a hill, then they both...

Here's a combat scene from my most recent chapter: I looked everywhere. I didn’t see her. We passed by a plain of packed grass with sparse trees and harsh sunlight overhead, and came into a dense grove of bushes with large, blue, saw-blade leaves that bloomed eight feet up from thick...

Wow, you're like me. Here's my shameless self-plug. To answer your issues: There's explicit sex, but not for a while, and it's not the plot. Rather, it drives & reflects the plot. I prefer to think of it as "uncensored." MC is not exactly Chad Thundercock, either. He's more of a...

I got about halfway through the prologue. Even that was a slog. You have [some character] talking to [some character], neither of whom have any personality, going through a list of different countries like it's some kind of school lesson. Maybe there's tension buried somewhere in the...

One example: CH0021 — introduce mysterious book in the library in strange script CH0043 — MC learns that no one can read it CH0057 — passing comment to remind reader that mystery book exists CH0078 — librarian gives tour and explains its origin, shows characters a letter written by the...

Shoehorning [there's probably another word for this but IDGAS] is when the author insists on shoving some piece of plot element in where it doesn't belong because [at the time] it feels important. I have, traditionally, been quite guilty of this, especially when it comes to new ideas I want to...