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First, I want to say that this is very interesting premise. Even though I knew how it would end, I found myself drawn in and interested by the characters. Your dialogue is good, but you could probably improve on the grammar in a few parts. Try to avoid repeating the noun in the same sentence...

Hi, everyone! I've been working on a paranormal story called Eraser. I was hoping that some of you could read it and give me some feedback. In particular is the synopsis good? Does the story draw you in? Does the main character have enough depth? Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you for...