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Wait what? Since when are first person pov's always supposed to be making the reader the main character? Have I been reading wrong? Was I supposed to be like "ah yes, I am Katniss Everdeen" or something? Because from a cursory glance of the prologue, shit looks proper. Better than the usual...

Hmm. Gotcha. I feel like it'd be a much easier read if you named the two girls immediately: That way it's easier to associate the pronouns with actual characters rather than some void blob of words and ideas. Also that entire paragraph bit for the synopsis is awkward. The latter sentence feels...

Yeah I'm confused with the pronouns. Is Thomas they now because he's two girls or what?

Oh, yeah, this is what I got with Tapas like 10 years ago. Had a very convincing email sent to me about signing me up for a contract. Good thing 16-year-old me was a coward!

>me when i want to read, but the god damn page is nuked

Ehh, I really feel like this is just a level of experience you need to have. Frankly, I just have umbrage with "deep" being a new word for a concept that already exists :sweat_smile: But also, if we're using this "deep" word, then I don't think you're doing it at all. Here's the usual...

Read enough slop and you appreciate even things that do stuff just decently :blobrofl:

Oh nice. Hmmmm... Okay for rating: Two things. If the last two sentences weren't there, it'd be an 8/10. Otherwise it reads pretty cringe personally. Like 99% of the time lines like that are completely unnecessary. Another thing is I'd forgive it more if you continued on the events after, but...

on god??? genuine question here: was AI used at all in this response. because good lord is it a night and day difference from the asinine output chatgpt gave you in this entire thread. you actually sound human! (as long as it didn't get a train run on it by mr. ram-stealer, and if it did and it...

which is the crux of the issue. being afraid to make mistakes and being ashamed of it is fine. but own up to it. people will make fun of you, sure, but you'll be earnest and people can respect that. AI-ify it, and all respect goes out the window. we all start from somewhere. mtl'ing your own...

Ah yeah, when like half of the posts are AI written and try to pass it off as not? Yep. Hell on earth I say. It's funny mr. OP hasn't responded to me yet. Because I will throw ad hominems at AI """writers""" every chance I get. Or are AI """writers""" incapable of knowing what an ad hominem...

What's this about?

you talk like chatgpt for one. all of this sounds inhuman out the ass. "you're so right--it's such a cliche!" ??? holy lmao. out of anything else in this shit ass world, i don't want scribblehub falling to more ai slop.

.....is this entire thread AI?

Second on the Lira. I've fucked around with silly AI stuff, and that name comes up frequently under the right circumstances lmao

Uhh wow. This is most definitely not for me because everything made me cringe LMAO. Dialogue, prose, setup. Felt exactly what 16 year old me would like, and yes, obviously that's the point given the age of the protagonist. But damn, I'm at the point in my life where I can't stand this...

Formatting needs some work, and so does the sentence structures. They're all the same long sentences with multiple parts.

Fukou da? Man thinks he's Touma. So, there are a lot of these awkward reading sentences. Basketball that was stiff? Yeah, no, sorry. The first impression is already pretty poor because of that. Something like "I jumped out of my seat, stepped on a game controller, and hit my back on a stiff (as...

That is such an ingenious yet terrifying idea LMAO. I'd be too coward to post shit I wrote when I was 13.