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You fell into the sweet spot I like doing stuff like this for most: someone who raw, but I see tons of potential in. I’m dropping the format I’ve been using as it annoys me. Doing this in order of whatever I wish to talk about. Let’s start with the opening sentence. You shouldn’t do the...

I can wait. Alright, that means CKJS is up next. Going to tackle CKJS tomorrow (or later today at this point, I should say) since I'm doing work on my own novel tonight and I don't wish to lose focus. I have already read a bit, to note, I just need to gather thoughts. Sure. And yes, worrying...

Okay, finished another one in private via PM, I'm just... debating this one now. I never knew of LitRPG until returning to the world of webnovels, but I find I hate them from a conceptual standpoint. They rub me the wrong way for some reason. That said, your premise outside of that intrigues me...

Just the prologue because that's the only thing I'd click on as a reader. If it doesn't sell me on the story as a first impression, Chapter 1 doesn't get read. I treat it as do or die based on the first thing offered since if it doesn't sell me, I'm not investing time. I do intend to read more...

Nobody deserves anything. When somebody says "this deserves whatever", what they're really saying is "This earned my praise" or "this hasn't earned my praise." Beyond that, as long as I get the desired emotional journey I want out of something, I don't really care.

AWESOME: To be frank, this does a lot well. You start immediately with the protagonist, it's quite easy to read, it sets the tone well, etc. It reminds me of a 2000s urban fantasy or, well, a light novel, as desired. When it comes to the content, I actually don't have any problems and this is...

Okay, I'm doing you first. AWESOME: You emphasize the character and have a clear personality with her, you absolutely do not want to use that. I'd argue you do a good job of focusing on her as the selling point of this chapter. She can work for the audience who likes this stuff! So yeah, when...

Going to try and do one of these a day. I'm working on one right now, based on what I felt like grabbing. I have skimmed over almost all of this so far. I might change my format a bit, to a simple "Pass or Fail" with me.

Sure, go ahead! Prologue counts. To quote KM Weiland in Structuring Your Novel... The danger with prologues is that the prologue and chapter one must both aim to pull it off.

I wrote the feedback outside of my previous style and redid it. XD I was a bit exhausted at the time, looked back at it, and was like "No, he deserves the same attention as everybody else! Stop being lazy, Marc!" Anyway, doing that with the protagonist is a terrible idea IMO. Intention doesn't...

I read Kapal twice and re-doing what I wrote in my style. AWESOME - First, I do like the fact you sought to anchor the reader. Also, I do like the effort you put into the description. Also, I do like the actual scene itself with the conflict that brewed between them and the ending cliffhanger...

The fact the first chapter is the only one like that could make it a bad first impression. That said, truth be told, I'd argue that you should keep doing what you're doing if it's an experiment and you aren't concerned with how people feel about it since making yourself happy is the key to...

AWESOME: First up, the poem at the beginning! It's a great tone setter and it got me invested in seeing how this plays out, who it is about, etc. It sets a nice romantic tone while also making clear the romance factor. I got interested. Also, your choice of an action scene so early can work. I'm...

AWESOME: I instantly get a Sci-Fi vibe, which helps set the tone well enough. I see potential in the way it's structured and it helps set a tone for things. I feel any reader who sees this knows what to expect from you. While I'm not the fondest of all the brackets, I DO think they're worth...

Do you find starting a story a daunting task? I do. Luckily, I always have my mountains of research on the writing craft to fall back on. It's helped me out a great deal over the years in building my confidence and I'd love to share a bit of it with those who are interested. I can't guarantee...

This should be interesting. :s_smile:

I mean, if you truly want someone humbled, I can do it. Those who know me know how humbling I can be at times... to the point where I've been teaching myself to lighten up more with myself and others this whole year. Though I'd also shift to trying to actually make them as good as they think...

Sup, Foxy! Looks like it's finally time for me to join everybody on here!