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  1. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    I'd choose the first one of the two, though I didn't enjoy either. Though, I'll add that I overall hate LitRPG and that second reminded me why. That said, I do think you should keep to the humorous tone you're going for. I think that's a good touch even if it doesn't appeal to me specifically.f...
  2. Story_Marc

    Envy vs Envy. Who would win?

    I picked regular Envy since she's Envy Prime. All the other Envys disappear without her. That's how the multiverse works.
  3. Story_Marc

    How much do you outline your story before writing it?

    Given that I'm a top-heavy bi-brain writer (not like that, it's neuroscience), I need both outlining and pantsing. For me, I outline the macro and pants the micro. The bigger stuff act as waypoints that I'm always working toward.
  4. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    Flatter away, I'm not one to complain! :cool: Seriously though, I do appreciate it! And I should be able to do this (and the others) this week since I'm taking care of this week's script sooner than I have been lately. I have been reading everything and just gathering my thoughts.
  5. Story_Marc

    Prose Lessons Part 3: Paragraphs

    I'm almost surprised anybody read through that, given that it's just a visual example of how that can sabotage one's own prose. :LOL: I hope the final two in this series can help out too! That and many, many others I have to make still. My list keeps growing... :er_what_s:
  6. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    While outside my norm, sure, I can give it a try!
  7. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    Alright, first up, the common problems I've pointed out before for others, lots of telling and guide narrator stuff over filter. So, to help you improve your prose, I recommend these two videos first, so you understand the logic behind things and can see what I might be seeing. So, for some...
  8. Story_Marc

    Prose Lessons Part 3: Paragraphs

    Meant to post this earlier, but I've been constructing my new bicycle for the last 2 hours or so. Anyway, I'm continuing my dive into prose, this week going over the third C: Coherence. This translates to paragraph-related stuff, which led me to talk about pacing, how to organize a paragraph...
  9. Story_Marc

    Post your characters, and I'll tell you what I think of them from my reader's perspective.

    Sure, let's give this a try. I'm actually holding back a lot since I put a lot of work into my characters, particularly with understanding their psychology. I might go a bit over, apologies if it's too much, I'm trying to do this some actual justice. Name: Cassidy Cain Description From The...
  10. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    Hmm... Something about this feels a bit bland to me as a start. Now, prose MIGHT be the issue, which you're another who I feel could benefit from a lot of prose-related lessons, so... I'm going to focus on 3 things for you. First, the thing I keep bringing up here, relying heavily on telling...
  11. Story_Marc

    Isů Ninja

    This is painful to read. I took a look out of curiosity and, frankly, this reads more like avant-garde crud. All of this feels like it's just being different for the sake of being "unique" and "special" as opposed to anything being informed creative decisions.
  12. Story_Marc

    How to Make Your Prose Flow

    Always glad to hear this since I often feel like they're pretty eh in the greater YouTube landscape. :biggrin_s: At any rate, I hope this stuff is useful! Especially so people like @Iamnotabot don't feel like smut is hard to write anymore. :s_wink: Also, while I'm here... Glad to provide what...
  13. Story_Marc

    How to Make Your Prose Flow

    I'm back on prose this week. In fact, for those who haven't subscribed to my channel (which I'd appreciate it if you do, it helps me grow, which makes it easier for me to help more people who are interested), I'm going to devote this month to just completing the full series on The 5 Cs for...
  14. Story_Marc

    Envy's Free Feedback Thread [Thread Closed]

    Kudos! And yeah, this is just a small example of what I can do. Just a quick dose of entertainment and immediate gratification in a short span of time. If it interests someone in the bigger work, that's great, but my main goal was to create a concentrated narrative experience that allows the...
  15. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    My question on why he just gives up instead of trying to prove his innocence becomes even stronger given the intent. To help you with pacing, I recommend a video I made some time ago. Okay, first, with formatting dialogue, you want to identify the speaker as soon as possible more often than...
  16. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    Okay, so, I read this, and this was an incredibly strong opening. There is so much you're doing well in it. You started the scene at a good place, I got an immediate sense of the characters, I like the drama you used, the foreboding mystery of things, etc. Also, that opening line is so great a...
  17. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    Alright, so, in your case, yes, I would since I think you do well with introducing the characters, I like Azalon and Cornell's convo, and I like the characterization with Azalon being more thoughtful, meticulous, and friendly while Cornell has the whole weary about the adventurous lifestyle...
  18. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    Alright, let's do some speed running. First up, I have a question: why is this first-person present tense? I'd just like to know the logic behind that cursed combination. Also, I'd lose this: I hate having to refer to this over and over to understand what's going on since it isn't intuitive...
  19. Story_Marc

    Mommy? Daddy?

    A "dad" is the last thing I see myself as. :ROFLMAO:
  20. Story_Marc

    Envy's Free Feedback Thread [Thread Closed]

    Your birthday? If so, Happy Birthday! And here's hoping I don't disappoint. :ROFLMAO:
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