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It's not bad for a first one but it definitely feels "prudish" or at least very inexperienced. It's feels rushed and the only action is the thrusting. Then an orgasm. I'd expect more focus on skin contact, on sensation, on kissing, touching, being together. Do they change position?Does she rock...

Don't delete the old one, but include a note in the first chapter explaining the switch and linking to the new version. Someone is definitely going to prefer the old version even if you don't

I've read a few chapters. I'll post my thoughts as comments unless there's something I'd rather not post publicly. Gonna use your rubric to start with. I welcome your thoughts as comments too. In particular I'm curious: Do the characters feel three dimensional and interesting? What moments or...

I'm interested enough in the post/premise to give this story a shot, especially if you're writing sex. I'll hit you with some feedback on those 3 questions. Are you looking for feedback on the whole series? Or is "read till i lose interest?" acceptable? Forming pen pals was one of my reasons...

If this is still open, can i submit Beat, Prey, Love for review and critique? Ive gotten some helpful review on three first chapter, but nothing past that. The series is intended as sexy martial arts erotica. I want to deliver that well. The small audience ive built elsewhere really likes my...

Yeah, I think this is a good point. MMOs and TTRPGs are so communal that having one special player/character in the entire game with a unique cheat/exploit "power" that no one else on the server has feels like "oh, so you don't actually like TTRPGs and MMOs." Moving from "each party member is...

So suddenly the forum part of this account works. I don't understand why. I will likely never get an answer. I'm just rolling with it for now.

I enjoy many of the characters in these shows because there is a consistent sense of tension. Yusuke is the underdog in most of his fights, even if he's talking shit the whole time. It feels like Peter Parker/Spiderman in that regard. We know he's going to win, but the story makes us believe...

All that fame would be a serious pain. You're absolutely right.

Because I don't like reading the genre either. LitRPGs and isekai seem to lack the parts of RPGs that I actually enjoy. I don't want to read a system or an OP protagonist or someone cheating the game. If I want to play an RPG (TTRPG or video game) I want to play with friends and/or build a...