You are a better author than I'll ever be, so I can't help you in terms of grammar and story. Keep going! But people had taught me that the readers like when the chapters are named, not just numbered. But before implementing it, ask your fans!The Young Master’s Maid Talks Too Much
The world isn’t fair. Life sucks. For Eres, these were the universal truths she learned after reincarnating as a penniless orphan, and a girl no less. Through a stroke of luck, Eres managed to land the ultimate gig—some dumb rich guy’s maid. Hopelessly pathetic, unsociable, and an...www.scribblehub.com
Thankfully, I'm very unapologetic and I don't care how successful someone is or not.The Young Master’s Maid Talks Too Much
The world isn’t fair. Life sucks. For Eres, these were the universal truths she learned after reincarnating as a penniless orphan, and a girl no less. Through a stroke of luck, Eres managed to land the ultimate gig—some dumb rich guy’s maid. Hopelessly pathetic, unsociable, and an...
As I read to that part, I was like, yeah, I get it.
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Thank you! I appreciate it.Thankfully, I'm very unapologetic and I don't care how successful someone is or not.
I'm also lazy.
So here's my quick, unbiased, first impressions just from reading the first chapter:
1. Lot of tone shift from grim poverty, anime-style comedy and modern gamer slang. But that's just my opinion.
2. Slightly exposition heavy-leaning, and it feels forced at times.
As I read to that part, I was like, yeah, I get it.
3. POV transition could be smoother
I'd recommend some kind of actual line breaker, but again, just my opinion.
4. Grammar/wording issues
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- peek
5. Overall, good first chapter. Not my jam personally, (tbf, i'm a very picky bitch about stuff I read) but I can understand the 'vision' I guess where you're catering to the isekai mindset and I can understand what's going on in the story. Immediate hook, clear premise delivered quickly and strong protag voice.