Recent content by OrionVale

I see so thats why. I understand thanks again.

@Eldoria I came with the new chapter 11. Is there anything wrong? I feel like its too long hahaha

I mean I used first person limited to aiko most of the time then when there's a plot or event that needs to be portrayed and aiko doesn't know it, ill use omniscient as me who knows everything like i tell the story.

@Eldoria I pondered again and again and read LN,WN, MANGA, MANHWA, watched animals. Then I tried using first person of aiko, I might do it like first person for aiko omniscient for scaling and I might like use first person for luminara and other character to portray their feeling to aiko. I...

I see thanks haha what i always imagine is im the viewer lol. Ill try entering the view of my protagonist

I see i tried limiting the description and i was led to short paragraphs.

I uploaded chapter 9. I shortened the description and added more flow for plot. I feel like the scenes are downgraded haha. Also does the scene feel stretched? @Eldoria

I see as I thought the sensory details is eating too much of the chapter. I'll tighten this an expand the plot per chapter rather than small details. Thank you again

I'm back with the chapter I fixed the senses but I think the sensory details might need some tone down😕 @Eldoria

That was my point mc act like child. Since her body was of a 15 yrs old japanese woman. Also it's important to emphasize her childish for later purpose. Also what do you energy. Can I have example? I see I'll fix the scenery through her 5 senses rather than describing it. And the transition in...

I posted a chapter 7, can you tell me if something is still lacking? I tried improving it. @Eldoria I posted the chapter. I tried improving it. Please see if pov still lacking

I see I'll focus on Aikos pov in the next chapters. The world structure is done and the path are already planned but the scene are not so I was really confused how to convey the scenes at first. Thanks

I see so the problem started in chapter 4. The main plot is AIKO travelling while and gradually introducing my world structure with twist and turn on her path and eventually reach a point where it possible to world travel hahahaha

Thanks. How do I call you tho.

That was really helpful. Tho I'd really like to know more about the other points I'd like to fix the paragraph and pov for now atleast at the chapter 7 it must be fixed. I see third person POV limited. I understand. I'll improve it by chapter 7. Can you read it and advice me again?