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I see as I thought the sensory details is eating too much of the chapter. I'll tighten this an expand the plot per chapter rather than small details. Thank you again

I'm back with the chapter I fixed the senses but I think the sensory details might need some tone down😕 @Eldoria

That was my point mc act like child. Since her body was of a 15 yrs old japanese woman. Also it's important to emphasize her childish for later purpose. Also what do you energy. Can I have example? I see I'll fix the scenery through her 5 senses rather than describing it. And the transition in...

I posted a chapter 7, can you tell me if something is still lacking? I tried improving it. @Eldoria I posted the chapter. I tried improving it. Please see if pov still lacking

I see I'll focus on Aikos pov in the next chapters. The world structure is done and the path are already planned but the scene are not so I was really confused how to convey the scenes at first. Thanks

I see so the problem started in chapter 4. The main plot is AIKO travelling while and gradually introducing my world structure with twist and turn on her path and eventually reach a point where it possible to world travel hahahaha

Thanks. How do I call you tho.

That was really helpful. Tho I'd really like to know more about the other points I'd like to fix the paragraph and pov for now atleast at the chapter 7 it must be fixed. I see third person POV limited. I understand. I'll improve it by chapter 7. Can you read it and advice me again?

I was supposedly a story teller so I think it's my pov, and there are times I used pov of characters I didn't consider but I think mostly third person and omniscient.

Thanks for the reminder I just found how to edit it hahaha

I attached the link. Feedback about weakness and strength, something lacking something need reinforcement

Heyo everyone, OrionVale here. I'm seeking advice and feedbacks for my first series with 6 chapter as prologue tho it felt long I want to atleast introduced the world I created properly. Any advice is welcome. About weakness, strength, something the story lacks and needs reinforcement, etc...

My post got take down maybe before I put like but here I am again OrionVale. I'm seeking advice and feedbacks for my first series with 6 chapter as prologue. “Aetheria: My New Life as a Spirit Contractor”