A pirate walked into a bar, he had a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender looks at the pirate and says, "Uh, you got a steering wheel in your pants."
The pirate responds, "Argh! It's driving me nuts."
Pain. Agony, even. Suffering, if you feel so inclined. Torment, perhaps. Torture, if you will. Misery, one may conclude. Sadness, some may say. Depression, maybe. Anguish, you could argue.