Recent content by FoundForester

Oh I got you. I feel like we agree, we just describe it differently. I would consider a slow drawn out description of emotion through poetic sweat drop or tears rolling in pretty ways as telling with added steps. And telling isn't always bad. Like your example: While this is technically...

I too am interested in the answer to this question. It's not an opinion I've ever heard before.

Alrighty, I gave it a read! First, full disclosure: I have a deep personal grudge against present tense narration. Like, irrational hatred levels. So take my feedback with a tiny, salty grain of "this guy’s got issues." That out of the way, I award your story 27 Peruvian short hairs out of a...

I'll check it out! I'm in the middle of a rewrite. So if you wanna check it out, don't bother going past chapter 10, if you even decide to go that far. I'm down to do a review swap. More interested in seeing your general impressions. Alright, I'm back! I've gone through the first five...

let me start off by saying I'm Definitely NOT your target audience so take everything I say with a mountain of salt. With that out of the way... I'll be frank. I find this piece hard to read. we begin with your open. "A swing of an open palm — and for the briefest moment, a shimmer trails...

Do I dare toss my half-baked story into the frying pan mid-rewrite? Sure, the flames might be hellfire—but maybe, just maybe, it’ll rise from the ashes even greater than before. Like a phoenix. A sarcastic, plot-twisted phoenix… lit by the divine stove of Tempokai.

I don't see how you can do much with this TBH. Like how would not being the MC have an impact on the story? Would there be certain things they cant access? would people react to them in some odd way? It also assumes there is such a thing as an MC. I'd say you need a deeper theme for this to...

No problem and have fun with the pile. You are braver then me! :blob_dizzy:

If you're not already bogged down with request, check this out I'm in the middle of a rewrite, so don't bother going past chapter 5 if you get there.

If you wanna check out the first five chapters of this that'd be great. You don't have to check out all five chapters, That's just as far as I've gotten in the rewrite. I'm still gutting everything after that

REEEEEEEE! Ashe was a dude in the first draft. But that little rat keeps coming back to haunt me. every time I think I've gotten all the HE's and his, another one pops up. Thanks for pointing it out! Yup, same person, I just suck at spelling and auto correct didn't save me this time. Good...

Overall? I’ll give it 10 Smelkes out of 3 Elite toenail filings. This is very solid. Characterization is strong, worldbuilding is definitely there, but the flow gets a little awkward sometimes, and there are a handful of typos sprinkled in. But we’ll get to all that. Starting with the intro...

I'm in the middle of a rewrite. I've gotten through the first 5 chapters so far. I'll review you're first five chapters if you wanna review mine. I'm more looking for someone to pick it apart and see what still needs work! Here it is if that sounds good to you!

No problem, I think you got a good story on your hands and people will love it if you stick with it! It's great right now, but with a few tweaks it can be fantastic. I'll 100% be keeping an eye on how you develop it further. If you wanna check out mine I'd love to hear you thoughts. I'm going...

Alrighty! I read through the first 5 chapters and I feel like that gave me a solid feel for your style and the story overall. First off, this thing has so much charm. From the synopsis to each chapter, the tongue-in-cheek humor and self-aware writing really shine. It’s honestly one of the most...