The story about a survivor after the Global Nuclear War

[The-Ravenous-Wolf]

I just started to write my first long novel, and I'm not really confident about my grammar. Please give me some feedback and tips on how to write better. I'll appreciate it a lot!!

Sandstorm- Human Revolution

In the year 2436, the surface of the earth is an immense desert without any signs of life except for the 'mutants .' This was all caused by the Global Nuclear War. And now, only a small percent of humans could survive underground in poor condition. Jona, the Worker M04-1891,...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[The-Ravenous-Wolf]

My English may not be that good, but I hope that the story is interesting to read.

 

[UYScuti]

"But captain..." "Shut up! This is not a request, but an order!" Captain Jack shouted. "Yes... Captain!" His subordinates said reluctantly with tears.

Whenever you write dialogue, each speaker gets their own line.

Their enemy is the giant monster that is roaring

You’re writing in past tense, so change “is” to “was”.

Captain Jack now shows a desperate

For the most part, unless it’s in dialogue, get rid of “now” when writing in past tense. Also, words like “shows” should be “showed”.

Jona was scared out of his wits, he dropped the plate to the ground, shattering to bits.

Jona didn't move one bit, his green eyes looked even paler.

Things like these are comma splices. In the first sentence, you can change the comma into a semicolon or a period. The second should be a period. Also, “shattering it to bits”

Then, almost instantaneously, he casually picked up

Is it instantaneous? Is it casual? I’m not sure it can be both.


There might be some other things grammatically, but those are the major things that stood out to me.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Whenever you write dialogue, each speaker gets their own line.


You’re writing in past tense, so change “is” to “was”.


For the most part, unless it’s in dialogue, get rid of “now” when writing in past tense. Also, words like “shows” should be “showed”.


Things like these are comma splices. In the first sentence, you can change the comma into a semicolon or a period. The second should be a period. Also, “shattering it to bits”


Is it instantaneous? Is it casual? I’m not sure it can be both.


There might be some other things grammatically, but those are the major things that stood out to me.

I just notice your cute name Helium fuser. Shouldn't it be Hydrogen fuser?

 

[UYScuti]

I just notice your cute name Helium fuser. Shouldn't it be Hydrogen fuser?

Way to rub in the fact that I’m no longer in my main sequence A2.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

View attachment 5462

Way to rub in the fact that I’m no longer in my main sequence A2.

No need to rub it into my face. I am not an astronomer.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

View attachment 5462

Way to rub in the fact that I’m no longer in my main sequence A2.

Shouldn't you be an iron fuser then?

 

[UYScuti]

Shouldn't you be an iron fuser then?

Once I start fusing iron, I blow. Supernova style.

 

[UYScuti]

No need to rub it into my face. I am not an astronomer.

Neither am I

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Once I start fusing iron, I blow. Supernova style.

Lot of purry iron for everyone!

 

[UYScuti]

Lot of purry iron for everyone!

Oh geez, now that I know people are watching I’m feeling a little shy

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Oh geez, now that I know people are watching I’m feeling a little shy

I expect much from! I want a beautiful black hole! Don't disappoint me!

 

[UYScuti]

I expect much from! I want a beautiful black hole! Don't disappoint me!

Whoa whoa hold it A2. I’m kind of a big deal but that’s cause I’m soft and fluffy. At the end I go Boom.

What Is a Supernova?

When stars can't handle their nuclear fuel, they explode in a brilliant burst of light.

www.space.com

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Whoa whoa hold it A2. I’m kind of a big deal but that’s cause I’m soft and fluffy. At the end I go Boom.

What Is a Supernova?

When stars can't handle their nuclear fuel, they explode in a brilliant burst of light.

www.space.com

Don't you have the critical mass for a blackie holie?

 

[UYScuti]

Don't you have the critical mass for a blackie holie?

Nope. I explode. Cause I’m just like my writing, fluffy. ?

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Nope. I explode. Cause I’m just like my writing, fluffy. ?

*loli likes explosions* The bigger, the better.

 

[GearMagical]

Hello! It is very nice to meet someone interested in apocalypses; I also think about this a lot.