Is it bad to want attention?

[minacia]

Once upon a time, you have a friend named Sue. ​

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Sue has a reputation for "flirting" with virtually anyone, and she's somewhat regarded as an "attention whore" mainly for the reason that she gets extremely physical with guys beyond what is considered "normal". For instance, she'll hug guys (but not girls), sit on their laps, mooch off of their food, cling to their arms, tease them, and all of those stereotypical things...​

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At the same time, Sue always puts on an "innocent" persona like she isn't aware of what she's doing.​

​

As a consequence of Sue's behavior, she's very popular with guys but very unpopular with girls.​

​

You overhear some girls gossiping about Sue, and they complain that "Sue is so fake" and that she's a "two-faced slut" and so forth.​

​

Meanwhile, you overhear some guys gossiping about Sue's body, and specifically fetishizing her "loli" profile and her occasional underwear flashes.​

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Your impression of Sue is that she's just lonely and insecure. She gets a lot of positive feedback from being intimate with guys (acting like a "loli" and playing up the "imouto/oniichan" act), but you know that she's not seriously interested in dating any of them. In truth, she is very emotionally troubled with poor self-esteem, and you think that she seeks validation through any means she can get it.​

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One day, Sue is extremely upset and she comes to you with a question: "Is it bad that I flirt with everyone?"​

1. What do you say? What kind of advice do you give?

2. Is there anything wrong with flirting a lot? What about being a "slut"?

3. Is it bad to have a persona that's very different from your actual self?

4. What would you say to the girls/boys that you overheard gossiping?

 

[CupcakeNinja]

listen mate, i dont care if you flirt with people. Just dont be a total thirsty bitch about it. Attitude is everything. Long as you're nice and don't act like a stuck-up princess or a gold digging thot, go wild.

Just be aware that I charge. You want a chance to flirt with this Venerable Self, you better pay up.

 

[Deleted member 29316]

​

1. What do you say? What kind of advice do you give?

2. Is there anything wrong with flirting a lot? What about being a "slut"?

3. Is it bad to have a persona that's very different from your actual self?

4. What would you say to the girls/boys that you overheard gossiping?

1). In the first place, Sue's flirting is just a product of another problem, mostly about security issues. This is the first thing I'd like to get from her: What makes her insecure? What happened before to make her that way? Once I manage to know about it, then I'd determine our course of action from there.

2). Yep. I believe that everything that was taken into extreme is potentially bad, including flirting. As for the slut title, yep, it's bad for the one being called like that because chances are, she won't be taken seriously in matters of relationships.

3). I believe it's hypocritical, unless the situation calls for it (for example, it is required in your work). Not only do you make a fool of yourself, time will come that people would be able to see through your 'self-shield' and might abuse you for it.

4). If only words could make them stop, but no. Best course of action for Sue is, she have to be true to herself and change her ways if necessary. Trust and reputation is hard to acquire, but with consistency and effort, she can turn the tables around.

From what I seen from my students, the flirting behavior is a part of bigger, deeper problem. Family issues, insecurities about one's self-worth, you name it, it could lead to that.

Sue's case requires understanding and patience for the one who's dealing with her.

 

[OneRanter]

Once upon a time, you have a friend named Sue. ​

​

Sue has a reputation for "flirting" with virtually anyone, and she's somewhat regarded as an "attention whore" mainly for the reason that she gets extremely physical with guys beyond what is considered "normal". For instance, she'll hug guys (but not girls), sit on their laps, mooch off of their food, cling to their arms, tease them, and all of those stereotypical things...​

​

At the same time, Sue always puts on an "innocent" persona like she isn't aware of what she's doing.​

​

As a consequence of Sue's behavior, she's very popular with guys but very unpopular with girls.​

​

You overhear some girls gossiping about Sue, and they complain that "Sue is so fake" and that she's a "two-faced slut" and so forth.​

​

Meanwhile, you overhear some guys gossiping about Sue's body, and specifically fetishizing her "loli" profile and her occasional underwear flashes.​

​

Your impression of Sue is that she's just lonely and insecure. She gets a lot of positive feedback from being intimate with guys (acting like a "loli" and playing up the "imouto/oniichan" act), but you know that she's not seriously interested in dating any of them. In truth, she is very emotionally troubled with poor self-esteem, and you think that she seeks validation through any means she can get it.​

​

One day, Sue is extremely upset and she comes to you with a question: "Is it bad that I flirt with everyone?"​

That sounds like the beginning of a romantic and dramatic romcom that leaves you crying in the corner D:

 

[RepresentingCaution]

I'm a slut too, so I don't think what she's doing is bad. However, if Sue herself feels a lot of cognitive dissonance over her actions, I would encourage her to seek professional help.

As for 4, I would ask them to read my smutty fanfic and give me a 1-star rating!

 

[minacia]

However, if Sue herself feels a lot of cognitive dissonance over her actions

:0 I’m curious about this! How do you distinguish between “cognitive dissonance” and aversion to being a “slut” that comes from years and years of cultural conditioning?

 

[Vaxel00]

i would tell her that the validation she's getting isn't going to give her self esteem, that she needs to stop this behavior and instead look at the root of the problem which in this case i would say it's her body's underdevelopment.

the point would be for her to be fulfilled, there's nothing wrong with flirting or being a slut per se, but she's finding her own self worth in how others perceive her. She'll never have a healthy relationship like that.

yes, its bad to always portray a fake persona in front of others, its a defense mechanism to avoid being vulnerable.

as far as the gossip, they're right. she's a two faced fake slut.

 

[BenJepheneT]

As long as you're self-aware and capable to self-reflection, I don't care. I hate virtuous masks being put on to hide ulterior motives and whenever you confront them, they just claim it's projection. I'd rather be killed by an honest psychopath than a two-faced goody-two-shoes backstabber.

 

[Bloodysin28]

Well if u want my opinion lots of people hate pretentious hypocrites including myself(for personal reasons), society is a poorly guarded barrel of gunpowder with the trailing flames getting closer over time,when shit hits the fan, believe it or not pretentious people and hated people will be first targets,at the vet least unlike NU I'm not going to get a warning or ban for being "too political" when I'm simply stating facts and human nature,war and violence is enviable,the more I try to.conyrol something the bigger the backlash, being honest really makes u feel better personally and give better overall impressions.

 

[Reborn_Cat]

1. What do you say? What kind of advice do you give?

2. Is there anything wrong with flirting a lot? What about being a "slut"?

3. Is it bad to have a persona that's very different from your actual self?

4. What would you say to the girls/boys that you overheard gossiping?

1. Honestly, I can't say anything but if you need someone to listen to your problems or rely on, you can count on me.

2. Honestly flirting is fine, but only if the other person knows your not serious, otherwise there may be a dangerous misunderstanding(lolicons are on the rise lately)

3. Who doesn't have a persona different from oneself. We all have a side that not even our most trusted friends and family will never know.

4. Nothing I can say, they are only making judgement based on their POV, and they are kinda right. I'll just have to do something else to shut them up for good. *smiles evilly*

 

[Puji-Maki]

1. What do you say? What kind of advice do you give?

- Of course it's bad flirting with everyone! That's why only flirt with me. Kuhaha!! ??

2. Is there anything wrong with flirting a lot? What about being a "slut"?

- hm, I don't have the rights to judge her about that. If she's happy, then do it. Don't think about the others opinions.

3. Is it bad to have a persona that's very different from your actual self?

- I think it's a self defence mechanism? People show their facade because they were afraid to show their real ugly self.

4. What would you say to the girls/boys that you overheard gossiping?

- Well, no matter what I say, they will still going to gossip. Rumours were everywhere especially the bad ones, people loves to hear dirty secrets and they love to degrade others to elevate themselves.

 

[ArcadiaBlade]

1. What do you say? What kind of advice do you give?

"If you are self-conscious or wanting to get attention, i don't mind the actions you do but if you want to relay your problems, please hit me with all you got. You will always be misunderstood by others but please discuss this with someone you can trust and not show off which will negatively affect you in the near future."

I'm the type to listen and give my own opinion while respecting their decisions. If she wants to be a slut, so be it but if she wants someone to understand her, i'll gladly listen and endure all her pain and suffering. I'm a person whose experience what human can endure while give life experiences that can satisfy them to keep on living. Humans are inheritedly imperfect as the peak of human maturity is the perfect human yet we all can't achieve that even if we are called geniuses due to having imperfections. What we can achieve is progress and slow growth to which we continuously improve ourselves and communicate with others to increase our improvement to become a perfect versions of ourselves.

So, having herself understand her imperfections, she will grow out her immature and lack of self confidence, i can be a perfect friend to help her out.

2. Is there anything wrong with flirting a lot? What about being a "slut"?

Nope. Its just the basic views of humans to find something pure and once it is tainted, people don't like dirty things. Which mostly humans had forgotten that we once been cavemen whose dirt is our start. But once 'cleanliness' is founded, people's views are always on the concept of finding the pure and untainted selves which selected into viewing sluts are 'dirty' and 'uncleaned'. While i also view the same as others, we always become accepting the 'taint' as we mature and i find that sluts who worked for their livelihood as respected and aspiring.

3. Is it bad to have a persona that's very different from your actual self?

Nope. Having a mask to hide your true self is something disgusting but it also helps open yourself into slowly accepting your real self, once you crack your mask, you will gain the confidence to be real to yourself and to others and find your inner peace.

4. What would you say to the girls/boys that you overheard gossiping?

Nothing, society is always in the note of communication as we can't help in spreading fame or infamy. Commincation is related to how people view you, whether it be fake or real, it is given through your actions that how they relay the gossip to the topic of yourself. Social Media is a start but always be giving a good rep would be the best course as everything starts with a simple topic about you.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

:0 I’m curious about this! How do you distinguish between “cognitive dissonance” and aversion to being a “slut” that comes from years and years of cultural conditioning?

Very good question! This is why I suggest professional help, though that in itself could be a risk if you run into the wrong therapist.

 

[Daitengu]

1. What do you say? What kind of advice do you give?

The older people call those ladies coeds with daddy issues.

There is also a certain amount of attention an extrovert needs to feel fulfilled in life. I'm 98% introvert, so I can't grasp the concept of personal boundaries and the need for attention, as I prefer to not interact with people at all. So much so that I was actually having a hard time playing MMOs because I'd rather just solo.

As for me, I'd ask, "Is it fulfilling? And are you willing to take the hate for it?" No immediate response wanted please. I want her to think about her actions for a day to a month. Does it seem like she 'needs' to do it, or is she just doing it for fun? How does it feel? Both when she is flirting and when she's alone. One should inspect their desires and the reasons and feelings behind those desires. There's really no right or wrong in this case as much as motivations she might not have even given thought to. My bro was super clingy to every woman he met. He has a strong desire for a nuclear family life and often self destructs in trying to get it. The women he attracted could smell his desperation and took advantage of him.


Psychologists would be able to parse the info better, but money. It took me almost two decades to find the reasons for my depression and actions without one. She could want anything from a cuddle buddy to a surrogate father figure. It's difficult to say when I would need more info than is provided.

2. Is there anything wrong with flirting a lot? What about being a "slut"?

I personally don't think either are inherently wrong. It's a matter of who you chose to do it to. Like husbands are a no go. And I'm personally of the thought that BFs and GFs are premarital tests and dipping in on a BF/GF is a good way to sus out the trash for the other partner.

3. Is it bad to have a persona that's very different from your actual self?

No. Everyone wears a mask in public. Every customer service person hates their job, and they damn well better not show it or they get fired. I hear for extroverts it's more a matter of being able to find people who you don't need to wear a mask around that matter.

4. What would you say to the girls/boys that you overheard gossiping?

Nothing, because gossipers are just trash anyway. As an adult you learn to not give any shits about others that aren't important to you for your sanity.

 

[Aachiin0914]

1. Nothing wrong with wanting attention. But too much is already an abnormality. More so, attention seeking person and a person who seek other people's touch is completely different.

'Normal' people know what boundary is. Despite having an extreme obsession of being at the center of attention, they know what is too much and out of the line.

That "Sue" person is completely abnormal. Not only does "Sue" person have Histrionic personality disorder, "Sue" also have a degree of satisfaction towards people being in discord.

What people like in Mary Sue novel is the cliche plot and the face slapping. But if that kind of person really happen to live in reality, she will be scorn as mentally ill, not a slut.

2. There's nothing wrong with flirting a lot. But like I said, it has to have a boundary. People have their own principles. B*tch also has one. More so, "Sue" is a complete exaggeration of negatives EQ. Even if one has a low EQ, normal people knew what is right or wrong. Esp in norms, not to mention there is bound to be people behind that "Sue" to correct them. Reality is not like novels where when a guy meets Mary Sue, they will always shield her no matter if she was right or wrong.

Esp, crying. People will get more pissed off seeing a girl cry. Hehehe.

Also, for being a slut. Search the meaning of slut. It means a person having multiple sexual relation. Flirting is just flirting.

3.know about Carl Jung? In psychology he is very famous for his theory that seems to pull out of a fantasy religious theme. Everyone has their own mask. No one doesn't have one. This is also true about people having their own abnormality. What's important is knowing how to maintain the balance.

Once the balance tilted and the balance was destroyed it could lead to mental disorder.

People's masks in a sense is there to help a person adapt. It can also be regarded as a person's defense mechanism. Without it, just imagine what will happen with people all failed to comform.

Norms will be destroyed and people all have their own opinions.

Having a mask doesn't mean being a fake. It was also part of your personality build little by little.

4. Gossip is scary. It cannot be stop. More over, once a news was passed by word of mouth, facts and lies will be mix. And no one knows what true or not.

It alright to reprimand people who gossip who uses extreme and hurtful words. But no one can stop gossip.

And like everybody says, you.wont get affected if it's not the true. Stopping gossip will only get the matter worst.

So, just let it be and it will fade by time.

 

[Daitengu]

Rereading the op, what is the likeliness of Sue having image issues? The juxtaposition of her flirting but the guys bringing up imouto talk HAS to be frustrating to a teen/adult.

 

[minacia]

Rereading the op, what is the likeliness of Sue having image issues? The juxtaposition of her flirting but the guys bringing up imouto talk HAS to be frustrating to a teen/adult.

Hmm, I’m unsure! I think maybe you would have just as informed of an idea as me!