Firstly, it's not being Lazy, to need the link, because as far as I've seen the forum profile is different and does not link to the profile page with your stories. The only way I know of is to go to the main site and search for the same username and hope you find it. You can make a signature and put your story in it too if you want to promote it a bit more.
Second, I'm very much an amateur, but I think I can share a few things from stuff I feel like I've learned in writing my first story here, as well as just give my personal feedback.
The chapters seem very short. I did notice you posted all three today. In the beginning, it does seem to good to have a few chapters so people can get an idea of the story. But, with how short yours are, all three combined probably barely matches what seems to be the low end of one chapter's average for stories I've read on here.
Most of the backstory chapter doesn't really feel like it adds to the story at all. It's mostly just describing a series of events without really talking about who the characters are at all or giving any sense of what his normal life is like. I can't think of exactly how to word this properly, but it feels very sterile, and barebones.
The entire backstory chapter really only contains the following information:
- Aris visited his mom
- He fell asleep in his old room waiting for a new chapter of a web novel to release
- He woke up early and went to visit his stepsister
- His stepsister is a mechanic named Flora
- Flora got trapped under a car she was working on
- Aris rushed to help her without paying attention crossing the street and is hit by a car
Aside from the fact he likes to read web novels nothing is really established about his personality or life. You could summarize the entire scenario into a paragraph or two and go straight into the stuff in Chapter 1. Or if you want to explore his normal life it could be expanded, and actually talk about the characters, their interactions and personalities.
Chapter 1 is where you describe the main character, it feels like that would have been better to have in the backstory, along with all the information about Aris' likes and dislikes, etc.
Your paragraph lengths are inconsistent. This is somewhat of a personal preference, but it also helps with readability. Some of them are a bit long in chapter 1, and a few are shorter. You can re-arrange things to make them be more uniform. In chapter 2 you have some really long paragraphs. I'm not saying they all need to be exactly a certain length, just, some consistency and smaller on average.
For example, take this excerpt from chapter 1:
You could re-arrange it to something like this perhaps:
Here's another example:
Could become:
I didn't change the words at all for the second example, you could do so to streamline things a bit further if you wanted, but just simply altering what you group together can make it much easier to read.
I won't lie, I found it very hard to read. Part of it is the formatting, but also, sometimes I had to reread some parts a few times to make some sense of it. Part of it might just be me, I can't really say. The formatting thing though is a definite, objective thing that can improve readability. The wording and what not is more subjective, and I don't really feel like I have enough experience to comment much on it, other than just saying I, personally had a hard time at some points.
As for spelling and grammar, I've been experimenting with the Grammarly extension for chrome, it shows up in the editor on scribblehub, it can also integrate with google docs. Sometimes it doesn't understand what I'm trying to do or makes suggestions that normally would be right but I am ignoring for narrative reasons, say a character speaking in a weird way, or, some word it thinks is a misspelling of a different one.
Still, it's helped me notice a lot of things I used to miss.
That's all I can think of, to mention. Like I said I don't feel like I have enough experience to critique the more subjective elements.
Hope this helps.
