How do you maintain confidence in your story...

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I was the person who was defined in my early childhood as "the smart kid" and invested huge swathes of my self worth as a human being in presenting an innate intelligence and skill for things and as I aged out of that and had to grapple with my own mediocrity within a larger community (combined with pre-existing mental health issues related to other aspects of my life), I ended up riddled with poor self esteem, deep self-doubt, and chronic imposter syndrome.

Short story: I struggle a lot with confidence in my stories which lead me to nuking them off SH entirely, and I'm wondering how other people, especially people with self-confidence issues outside of just doubt about their writing abilities (coughmentalillnesscough) maintain confidence in their stories. Specifically, how do you maintain internalised confidence. What I mean is, it's fine when I'm receiving external feedback like comments or readership numbers, but when I'm "alone" with my story, like staring at my draft document or just during the writing process, I find it really really hard to believe in my story.

I kind of have tried to rationalise this lack of confidence in the past like "well if I'm doubting myself it means I don't believe in this story so there's no value in struggling to tell it", to trick myself into feeling my anxiety and doomspirals are totally justified and normal and I was right and correct to eviscerate them from the public eye but it's just ended up enabling my problems rather than appropriately dealing with them.

So yeah. What do you do when you just can't believe in your story? Besides giving up on them. I've already done that, so I don't need the disc horse on it.
 
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My answer? I don't even try to regain lost confidence.

See, I'm a literature teacher, but when I look at my work, it felt like I failed as a writer.

My confidence fluctuates in my story, especially when I go to the statistics section, and/or when I see other stories that were only recently uploaded and were already mainstays in the trending spots.

There were times that I consider deleting my work altogether, thinking that it's useless to continue, since my stats are almost unmoving, and/or sometimes, my readers are dropping my work simply because they didn't like it.

When it comes to those things, I take a deep breath, log out of account and let several days pass. Then I go back to basics, like, why am I writing? I write because I wanted to write, that I'm happy telling stories. That, even though my readers are small and silent, they do appreciate my work...which is my goal after all.

Second is, I already accepted that my story isn't the cup of tea for many, so when insecurity strikes, I just log off for a while and come back, continuing where I left off.

Third, I go over once again and read my readers' comments, especially those that has positive feedback. Though it may not fully remove my doubts, at least, it eases my pain as a 'failed' author.

It's better that I fall down standing, than doing nothing at all.

Likewise, continue with your work not because of your audience, but because you love what you do. Someday, you'll find your audience as well.

Edit: I got bipolar. My confidence can be as high as it can get off the charts, or it can go so low, I wanted to kill myself...literally.
 
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TLCsDestiny

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Use people to better your writing skills...it's not like you'll met them in real life. *shrugs*
 

TLCsDestiny

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After I finished my novel, I promised myself to kill myself. Because I think after I've finished writing my novel I would have the courage to kill myself.

Whenever I feel I'm not confident with I write, I thought back about the reason why I write in the first place. Of course, there would be times where I just can't get into what I'm writing, like it feels it's too inadequate. I leave it, watch some anime, read other stuffs, then go back to it when my head or mind felt different. But when I still can't get into it, I forced myself even if I don't want to. What else could I do anyways? I don't have the courage yet to kill myself, so I keep writing.

Life is a bitch, get over it.
Live life, don't sit there waiting for it to end like some douchbag.
It seems you may not finish your book. You said it yourself that you don't want to write and you force yourself too. Break your stupid promise and live life to the best of your capabilities!
 

UYScuti

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After I finished my novel, I promised myself to kill myself. Because I think after I've finished writing my novel I would have the courage to kill myself.

Whenever I feel I'm not confident with I write, I thought back about the reason why I write in the first place. Of course, there would be times where I just can't get into what I'm writing, like it feels it's too inadequate. I leave it, watch some anime, read other stuffs, then go back to it when my head or mind felt different. But when I still can't get into it, I forced myself even if I don't want to. What else could I do anyways? I don't have the courage yet to kill myself, so I keep writing.
Keep writing. And when you finish writing your novel, start another one, then another, and another. Before you finish your first novel begin the next, and convince yourself you need to finish that one as well. Continue that cycle until you’re too old to write, and then use voice to text and start another.
 

UYScuti

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I’ve just accepted not many people will like what I write. It could be that I’m a terrible writer, or my target audience doesn’t exist on this platform; either way, I accept I won’t gain a large following.

I created a character that I wanted to survive. If I stop writing her, then she dies.
 

Dpresspotato

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Life is a bitch, get over it.
Live life, don't sit there waiting for it to end like some douchbag.
It seems you may not finish your book. You said it yourself that you don't want to write and you force yourself too. Break your stupid promise and live life to the best of your capabilities!

Easy to say. I never wanted to be born in the first place. What does 'live life to fullest' even mean when you constantly feels you wanna die. Some people are just born to live, some don't. As long as I'm afraid to end my life, then life goes on...
 

Temple

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I think you can think more of it as being your own personal journey. Of course it will be worth it. Think of really awesome scenes and especially endings. That motivates me to move forward and write to reach those parts of the story that makes me happy. The story is really for me and I'll be happy if readers come and join me in my journey but it is also fine if I journey alone.
 

Temple

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Easy to say. I never wanted to be born in the first place. What does 'live life to fullest' even mean when you constantly feels you wanna die. Some people are just born to live, some don't. As long as I'm afraid to end my life, then life goes on...
Seems like we're going on a different route here.
 
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Easy to say. I never wanted to be born in the first place. What does 'live life to fullest' even mean when you constantly feels you wanna die. Some people are just born to live, some don't. As long as I'm afraid to end my life, then life goes on...
As someone who did 'it' several times already, it's painful, and you'd feel even miserable when you happen to live. I just gave up, coz for some reason, I keep on surviving it.

You're right to be afraid of harming yourself. You won't like it as much as being born. Just continue to write your stories...and you'd always find your audience.
 

Stratothrax

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Write from the heart and don't navel-gaze it. It's counter intuitive but thinking too much or too deeply about a project is often harmful when it comes to being creative. Not always easy, especially for those of us who are obsessive or perfectionist.
 

NotaNuffian

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I just write because I cannot find the porn that I like. Pixiv stuff is all in Jap and while it may be kinky, it is too short like my dick. So I start to write and post in places.

As for my first work that I want to post here, it is a dumpster fire, but it is MY dumpster fire, so any readers who don't like it have to understand the notion "don't like don't read".
 

Moonpearl

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Complex PTSD and emotional abuse victim here. I also had the problem of being too good at school as a child (after beginning it as the "school idiot" due to useless teachers).

I try to ground myself in reality. I remind myself that I had fans and readers even when I wrote crappy improv fanfiction as a kid, that I'll always think my work is worse than it is because I'm the author, that perfection is an unattainable but noble goal...

Normally, the work we read from others has been through many, many unseen revisions. We, as authors, have a bad tendency to compare those polished pieces with our very first drafts.
That's like comparing someone with professionally done hair and make-up to someone who literally just woke up and rolled out of bed.

So long as you have something written, you can improve it. Nobody has to know that what you served up at the end was a hot mess at the start. Let yourself be bad - it's okay.

You're allowed to fail. Humans fail all the time - it's what makes us who we are. Everyone, everywhere, is failing every day but carrying on; and they'll fail again tomorrow at something else, maybe, but that's okay.
After all, when we set out to make interesting characters for our readers, don't we think about their failures to round them out? Your failures make you more appealing. They're necessary for your character.

Art is about failing 90% of the time and succeeding 10% anyway.
If a kid just started writing and their first four attempts were bad, would you tell them to quit because they'll never make it? If your friend has been into pottery for years and they accidentally made a bird that looked more like a frog this once, would you tell them to pack it in forever because they're doomed to be shite?
Why would you tell that to yourself, then?

I like to remember that I'm a reader as well as an author. From a writer's perspective, it's easy to think of readers as hostile beings who are out to tear you down and laugh at you.
But, as a reader, I'm just out for some entertainment. I actively want the author to succeed, and I've never minded the small errors here and there.
Readers are just people like me, so I shouldn't be so scared.

I go down a list of rationality just like that and take some deep breaths. I might not be able to accept them on the spot, but I can realise that my panic and self-loathing are irrational.

They're also temporary, so I'll go do something to comfort myself while I wait for them to pass.
Watch some Markiplier or comedy, or maybe some Barbie, since she's the queen of positivity. Get comfy, eat nice food - be kind to myself.
I don't always have to be strong or disciplined either.
 
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So long as you have something written, you can improve it. Nobody has to know that what you served up at the end was a hot mess at the start.

You're allowed to fail. Humans fail all the time - it's what makes us who we are. Everyone, everywhere, is failing every day but carrying on; and they'll fail again tomorrow at something else, maybe, but that's okay.
After all, when we set out to make interesting characters for our readers, don't we think about their failures to round them out? Your failures make you more appealing. They're necessary for your character.

Art is about failing 90% of the time and succeeding 10% anyway.
If a kid just started writing and their first four attempts were bad, would you tell them to quit because they'll never make it? If your friend has been into pottery for years and they accidentally made a bird that looked more like a frog this once, would you tell them to pack it in forever because they're doomed to be shite?
Why would you tell that to yourself, then?
For some reason, these words of yours are resonating loudly within me, while I'm currently going through my depressive episode.

You just reminded me that I'm allowed to fail, and I should not be so hard on myself...as an artist and an author. Thanks for this! ?
 

DubstheDuke

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My only answer is write something that you enioy. Throw other people out the window. Dont write to please others, write something that you enjoy yourself. If you dont enjoy it nobody will, so stop trying to please everyone else and have some fun.
 

DubstheDuke

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My only answer is write something that you enioy. Throw other people out the window. Dont write to please others, write something that you enjoy yourself. If you dont enjoy it nobody will, so stop trying to please everyone else and have some fun.
And dont doubt yourself. Be persistant. If you enjoy it, it is good in some way. Dont think that because you dont get a lot of popularity that its bad and that you should give up.


I wrote 14 freaking volumes of my novel, uploading daily for almost a year with very little actiivty. Almost every comment I got was negative, and sometimes I wondered if I had sunk myself too far.

But look now. Im number 2 on trending by some strange miracle.

If you enjoy it, others will even if not everyone will. Period.
 

yansusustories

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Oh god, I know that feeling. Most of the time, I just try not to think about it. I'll focus on the story itself and how I want it to pan out, not on whether that's the best way or at least a good way to go about it. I just go forward little by little, one chapter at a time, then one arc, one volume ... until it's done.
If I do get stuck wondering about the quality and whether I can even write (mostly the latter), I tell myself that what I upload here is sort of just a first draft anyway. If it turns out to be shit or not up to the standard I wanted to achieve originally, I can still go back and change stuff after the first 'draft' is finished. Nobody is keeping me from doing so. In that case, even if it was shit, I can at least make it suck less with a big revision.
So, I try to just focus on finishing that first draft. Everything else can come later. Finishing is always the most important to me.

When I am really, really down and it's just one of those days, I remember the time I was at my worst, compare it to now, and try to imagine where I want to go. Like, I once nuked my whole writing career at a point where I definitely shouldn't have done so just because some outside circumstances made me extremely unhappy with life in general and writing specifically. But as an end result, I was even more unhappy :blob_sweat:
So I started over a year later with new ideas. Since then, I finished a whole series and three single-volume novels, as well as some short stories, plus I am writing some other projects at the side that all have several finished volumes already. That is more than I managed to achieve in the time before nuking my original career.
If I compare these two periods in my life, I just realize how much happier I am now. It starts from the small stuff like realizing I am not as compulsive about not making mistakes anymore so writing is more relaxed, I have a better grasp on language, I have a much easier time getting chapters done, I actually get more feedback than before even though it's still not as much as I would sometimes like. There are also some bigger issues, like, I've had my coming out since then and can freely talk about that with my readers and put so much more of me and the issues I've run into in my stuff. It makes me feel like I am helping myself and also helping others which is a damned good feeling.
So, contrasting helps me with showing me the positive sides and pulling me out of that hole. Then, when I try to imagine how things could be a year from now, or maybe three or five years if I am not as stupid as back then and just continue writing no matter the circumstances, that gives me the drive to pick myself up and actually continue. Like, you finished the volume of this story last year? Well, better work on this new volume this year then. Hey, if you work hard enough, you might even finish two! How awesome would that be?
It might sound strange but that does help me with motivating myself. At the very least, I can open the document again and start to slowly work on at least one chapter. And by that point, I normally get back in the swing and just continue.

Overall, I think that everybody needs to find their own way to deal with these problems though. Like, I am usually an optimistic person and I love small-time statistics so finding positives and looking at numbers of finished things and contrasting them with something or looking at the word count I had last month and trying to one-up myself by just 1k words are things that work wonders for me. It won't necessarily help others though and instead, they might become even more depressed.
So, I think it's important to first realize what type of person you are and what helps you with picking yourself up. Not even just in writing but in general. Some people do well with breaks, some with having specific times to do things, some with lists ... There are many, many, many options that can be given a try. Just give them a chance, see what sticks, and then do more of that.
 

Maple-Leaf

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wow I didn't realize how many other people had problems like this.

I feel like I'm in a constant state of disappointment simply because the words in my head don't flow on the paper like I want them to. My writing seems so silly in my eyes and it really gets me down because I can't portray my ideas in the way I want to. It really doesn't hurt that much but that may have something to do with the type of idea I'm trying to make a book out of. When I got the idea to write something I chose one of my least favorite ideas out of my melting pot of random stuff in my brain. I expected to fail since the beginning. It's honestly kind of sad how little confidence I had in myself subconsciously, but I think it helped me in the end.
At the end of the day, this is all just a trial run, a practice work, a cannon fodder. It doesn't matter if it sucks because all that means is that there are less people who get to witness my embarrassment. I push through this hoping I'll be able to write up to my own standards when working on the ideas I really treasure, so I continue to write until that day comes.

tl;dr: the stuff I'm working on is just a means to an end so I can get over it when it sucks.
 
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