In the Chaotic world of Superheroes, follow the adventures of Ellie, a newly awakened Metahuman with the power to morph into her dinosaur persona, Ms. Raptor! as Elle balances her school life and her new life as a superhero, the world around her is starting to unravel as the chaos...
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Any Feedback/Criticism would be greatly appreciated, also any ideas for future characters would be greatly wanted!
I have some experience in dabbling in the world of superheroes, but if those who also dive into this genre, whatever advice you can give is also wanted!
Hello. Before we begin, keep in mind I'm the worst writer around these parts, so take my advice with a grain of salt. First things first, fix your grammar mistakes; the readers are literally asking for it:
Cyan Star, a planet that shines like a jewel in the void of space, one of the few worlds in the universe that holds inteligent life.
Cyan Star, a planet that shines like a jewel in the void of space, is one of the few worlds in the universe that holds intelligent life.
Some could control fire, others could teleport, some gained super-speed while other gained the power to communicate and command animals.
Some could control fire, others could teleport, some gained super-speed while others gained the power to communicate and command animals.
Some could control fire, others could teleport, some gained super-speed while other gained the power to communicate and command animals.
In the year 3031, advancements in science led to the discovery of a lifetime: humans gifted with superhuman powers. These beings were called "Metahumans" (I think named would work better than called).
About grammar. You can use QuillBot or even DeepSeek to remedy these problems for free and fast.
as those without them are treated like garbage. often the subject of lynching and prejiduce.
This is some cultivation-level weird worldbuilding. No offense.
#1-Ellie
Nervous...that's what i was.
I was sitting in the Waiting Room of the MHB, awaiting my Omega Gene test, and to be honest, i'm kinda scared.
Oh, shit! you guys don't know who i am, my name is Ellie, Ellie Raptora, i'm 19 years old, and i'm a Taurus.
No need to break the 4th wall. People are coming to read about the character, and you named them at the start.
I signed up for the Omega Gene Test because i want to follow in my dad's footsetps, but i'm afraid, what if i don't pass? what if i end up being a Blank?
I don't want to be mean. But you must fix grammar since it will turn people off from the story, and I want you to succeed.
Honestly, there is not much happening in the first chapter. It is short, and you repeat information many times:
Ellie! you are the daughter of Mr. Apollo
"You are the Daughter of Mr. Apollo correct?
my father, Once known as the famous superhero, Mr. Apollo,
While skipping on the interesting parts:
After being given my test summary, i went home to tell my mother, i look up into the sky, my future looked bright, despite it being nightime.....
That could've given us an insight into Ellie's mind. We are supposed to be here for her. Apollo can go wait for now.
Editing and re-reading chapters is important.
