Seeking Hardboiled Critique: Does the atmosphere hit hard enough?

[Developer_H]

I've just reached Chapter 4 in my Philippine-based thriller, [ArchitectH]. I’m looking for brutal honesty on the 'hardboiled' tone. Does the pacing feel right for a noir? Does the new character, Nana, leave a strong impression? I prefer a cold truth over a warm lie. Let me know what you think.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2207219/episode--the-stranger-of-tambobong--chapter-/

 

[Eldoria]

No link
No feedback

 

[LuoirM]

No hotel
No trivago

 

[Developer_H]

No link
No feedback

My apologies for the confusion! I've recalibrated the coordinates to the exact episode. Here is the functional link to the uncut version of [ArchitectH] for your honest, hardboiled critique:

Link: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2207219/episode--the-stranger-of-tambobong--chapter-/

Now that the 'hotel' is found, I look forward to your 'Trivago' level of sharp critique on Chapter 4. Don't hold back!

No hotel
No trivago

My apologies for the confusion! I've recalibrated the coordinates to the exact episode. Here is the functional link to the uncut version of [ArchitectH] for your honest, hardboiled critique:

Link: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2207219/episode--the-stranger-of-tambobong--chapter-/

Now that the 'hotel' is found, I look forward to your 'Trivago' level of sharp critique on Chapter 4. Don't hold back!

 

[LuoirM]

this nigga is using GPT

 

[Developer_H]

this nigga is using GPT

I'll take that as a compliment on my prose, but here's the reality: the 'blueprint' and every single detail of this story are my own. Since English isn't my native language, I use AI specifically as a high-end translation and stylistic tool to ensure my raw, hardboiled vision translates perfectly for global readers. I'm the architect; the AI is just the precision instrument I use to build the world.

 

[Tabula_Rasa]

Does the pacing feel right for a noir?

No

Does the new character, Nana, leave a strong impression?

No

Let me know what you think.

I read chapter one and it is like i read nothing at all, I will not continue.

cold truth over a warm lie

There is nothing about it that left an impression on me, other than it wasted my time.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

well.
I just gotta read a thousand words of this.
*ahem*
hard-boil and noir, well, that's *just* my game...

this nigga is using GPT

am, I allowed to use that word?

I'll be back with a quick impression.

i'll just edit-add my impressions as I go.

[Synopsis]
---------------
"The massive pillar throbbing beneath his wet trunks... was a predatory power that defied explanation."
line 1 of the synopsis, and I about spit my coffee out. Okay.
finished the synopsis.
the cover, the synopsis.
its more like "satire" on the whole Harlequin Romance trope.
with an asian "Fabio", to boot.
replete with a kneeling, doe-eyed heroine.
I mean, why stop there. she should be hugging his leg, in traditional fashion.
I'm torn on the synopsis/cover.
half of me says "cringe".
the other half says, maybe this is meant to be satire. To "ape" the genre.

I will (bravely) sample chapter one.
----------------------------------------------------
ouchie. 976 words.
just happens to be the *exact* length a well known free AI online puts out, in response to a prompt.

one sentence paragraphs all over, check.
two sentence paragraphs to create "hey look!", again check.
BOLD print for seemingly no reason, check.

individual sentences are really cool.
yet they're completely out of place, one after another, with the style.

the whole thing of chap 1, reminds me of a "saturday night live skit"
its like a vintage "mad magazine" take on "Harlequin Romance".

taken seriously, its a huge cringe inducing machine.
taken as pure *satire* though, its a laugh riot.

"*gasp* Are... are... all asian men this big?"
pffft.

I say, read this with the fore-knowledge that its meant to be a send-up of the whole bodice-ripper genre.
and don't have a mouthful of coffee, or it will end up on your monitor.
its that funny.

somehow though, I think the author was being serious.
may I suggest paying for the AI, so you can get more than the "free" sub-1k words out of it?
LMAO

 

[FRWriter]

I'll take that as a compliment on my prose, but here's the reality: the 'blueprint' and every single detail of this story are my own. Since English isn't my native language, I use AI specifically as a high-end translation and stylistic tool to ensure my raw, hardboiled vision translates perfectly for global readers. I'm the architect; the AI is just the precision instrument I use to build the world.

Dude you didn't even write this yourself. Not even your responses here are genuine. Why the fuck would you tell GPT to answer your questions here. Are you really this desperate? If I read the word "hardboiled" one more time I'll get a friggin seizure.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

I'll bite.

OP. Think quick.

what is the definition of the word "hardboiled".

(this ought to be good)

 

[NapLovingImmortal]

I'll bite.

OP. Think quick.

what is the definition of the word "hardboiled".

(this ought to be good)

Hi, GPT here. I took over another acc real quick.

“Hardboiled” is a label for a specific style of crime fiction (and the attitude that comes with it).

What it means (core definition)​

Hardboiled stories are about crime and survival in a rough world, told in a way that’s:

• Unsparing (violence, corruption, moral compromise are shown plainly)
• Street-level (alleys, bars, cheap offices—not fancy drawing rooms)
• Cynical but alert (characters assume people lie; they verify anyway)
• Fast and sharp in language (short sentences, dry humor, bite)

The typical “hardboiled” character​

Often a detective (private eye or cop) who:

• Operates in a corrupt system
• Has a personal code (not necessarily “lawful,” but consistent)
• Takes hits—physically and emotionally—and keeps moving
• Narrates with deadpan toughness and compressed emotion

The vibe​

If “cozy mystery” is tea and clues, hardboiled is rain, neon, bruises, and a bill you can’t pay.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

Hi, GPT here. I took over another acc real quick.

“Hardboiled” is a label for a specific style of crime fiction (and the attitude that comes with it).

What it means (core definition)​

Hardboiled stories are about crime and survival in a rough world, told in a way that’s:

• Unsparing (violence, corruption, moral compromise are shown plainly)
• Street-level (alleys, bars, cheap offices—not fancy drawing rooms)
• Cynical but alert (characters assume people lie; they verify anyway)
• Fast and sharp in language (short sentences, dry humor, bite)

The typical “hardboiled” character​

Often a detective (private eye or cop) who:

• Operates in a corrupt system
• Has a personal code (not necessarily “lawful,” but consistent)
• Takes hits—physically and emotionally—and keeps moving
• Narrates with deadpan toughness and compressed emotion

The vibe​

If “cozy mystery” is tea and clues, hardboiled is rain, neon, bruises, and a bill you can’t pay.

I was kind of waiting for OP to post something about hard boiled eggs, to be honest.

 

[Callarel_04]

Hi, GPT here. I took over another acc real quick.

“Hardboiled” is a label for a specific style of crime fiction (and the attitude that comes with it).

What it means (core definition)​

Hardboiled stories are about crime and survival in a rough world, told in a way that’s:

• Unsparing (violence, corruption, moral compromise are shown plainly)
• Street-level (alleys, bars, cheap offices—not fancy drawing rooms)
• Cynical but alert (characters assume people lie; they verify anyway)
• Fast and sharp in language (short sentences, dry humor, bite)

The typical “hardboiled” character​

Often a detective (private eye or cop) who:

• Operates in a corrupt system
• Has a personal code (not necessarily “lawful,” but consistent)
• Takes hits—physically and emotionally—and keeps moving
• Narrates with deadpan toughness and compressed emotion

The vibe​

If “cozy mystery” is tea and clues, hardboiled is rain, neon, bruises, and a bill you can’t pay.

By this definition, OP's first chapter isn't even 'softboiled'. Read like the start of a slice of life smut comedy piece.

 

[Developer_H]

강력한 비판과 AI 활용에 대한 지적들에 감사합니다. 이전 답변에서도 말했지만, 전 영어로 소설을 직접 집필할 만큼의 실력이 없습니다. 그래서 한글로 쓴 원본을 AI로 번역 시켰고, 그대로 올리다 보니 결국 AI가 쓴 글이 되버렸네요.
번역기의 기능을 믿고 그냥 한글로 원본을 올리는게 훨씬 나을뻔 했네요. 이제야 제 페트레온 사이트에 글들이 무시받고 있는 정확한 이유들을 알겠네요.
저는 초보 집필가이며 영문 번역을 AI에 맡기다 보니 최악의 참사가 발생해 버렸군요.
페트레온에는 이미 1부 14편이 모두 이런식으로 올라가 버렸고, 지금은 한편씩 이곳에 옮겨서 보여주고 있어요. 더구나 지금은 2부를 집필 중이고 이미 2편까지 올라갔네요.
이제라도 차라리 모든 글을 내가 직접 쓴 한글 원본으로 바꿔 올리는게 나을까요?
지금 한글로 쓰는 이 글도 번역기를 통해 읽어보면, 내 의도와는 많은 부분이 다르게 표현되어 버리니 판단하기 어렵네요.
초보자를 안내하는 마음으로 충고해 주시길 다시 기다려 봅니다.


Thank you for your strong criticism and your comments about the use of AI. As I mentioned in my previous response, I'm not good enough to write a novel in English myself. So I used AI to translate the original Korean text, and when I uploaded it as is, it ended up being written by AI.
It would have been much better to trust the translation machine and just upload the original Korean text. Now I understand the exact reasons why my posts are being ignored on my Patreon site.
I'm a novice writer, and entrusting the English translation to AI has resulted in the worst disaster.
All 14 episodes of Part 1 have already been uploaded to Patreon in this manner, and I'm currently uploading them one by one. Furthermore, I'm currently working on Part 2, and two of them have already been uploaded.
Wouldn't it be better to simply upload all my posts in their original Korean format?
Even if I'm writing this in Korean, if I use a translator, many parts are expressed differently from my original intentions, making it difficult to judge. I look forward to hearing your advice again, with the intention of guiding a beginner.

 

[IWILLDEFYTHEHEAVENS]

I don't know what that means but it's funny

 

[seavmun88]

If you're using AI to write your stories, you can use AI to review it too. Actual readers aren't going to be interested in any serious review of generic generated stuff.

 

[Alski]

강력한 비판과 AI 활용에 대한 지적들에 감사합니다. 이전 답변에서도 말했지만, 전 영어로 소설을 직접 집필할 만큼의 실력이 없습니다. 그래서 한글로 쓴 원본을 AI로 번역 시켰고, 그대로 올리다 보니 결국 AI가 쓴 글이 되버렸네요.
번역기의 기능을 믿고 그냥 한글로 원본을 올리는게 훨씬 나을뻔 했네요. 이제야 제 페트레온 사이트에 글들이 무시받고 있는 정확한 이유들을 알겠네요.
저는 초보 집필가이며 영문 번역을 AI에 맡기다 보니 최악의 참사가 발생해 버렸군요.
페트레온에는 이미 1부 14편이 모두 이런식으로 올라가 버렸고, 지금은 한편씩 이곳에 옮겨서 보여주고 있어요. 더구나 지금은 2부를 집필 중이고 이미 2편까지 올라갔네요.
이제라도 차라리 모든 글을 내가 직접 쓴 한글 원본으로 바꿔 올리는게 나을까요?
지금 한글로 쓰는 이 글도 번역기를 통해 읽어보면, 내 의도와는 많은 부분이 다르게 표현되어 버리니 판단하기 어렵네요.
초보자를 안내하는 마음으로 충고해 주시길 다시 기다려 봅니다.

Heres what i get with a basic google chrome translate. Your apparent "high-end translation and stylistic tool" changed 1 word.

Spoiler: translated segment

Thank you for your strong criticism and your comments about the use of AI. As I mentioned in my previous reply, I'm not skilled enough to write a novel in English myself. So, I used AI to translate the original Korean text, and when I uploaded it as is, it ended up being written by AI.
It would have been much better to trust the translation machine and just upload the original Korean text. Now I understand the exact reasons why my posts are being ignored on my Patreon site.
I'm a novice writer, and entrusting the English translation to AI has resulted in the worst disaster.
All 14 episodes of Part 1 have already been uploaded to Patreon in this manner, and I'm currently uploading them one by one. Furthermore, I'm currently working on Part 2, and two of them have already been uploaded.
Would it be better to just upload all my posts in their original Korean form?
Even this Korean text, when read through a translator, is expressed differently from my original intentions, making it difficult to judge. Please give me some advice, as a beginner.