I read chapter 1.
I started skipping the flowery details and focused on the dialogue in chapters 2 through 4.
I began rushing through chapter 5, then glanced at your chapter titles. Oh no! The pacing is too slow!
I skipped ahead to chapter 9 and rushed through it after a few paragraphs.
I did the same for chapters 10 and 11, trying to find anything that would interest me, but I found nothing.
Finally, I reached the end of your available story so far.
Character development 10/10 - It was pretty good, all things considered.
Pacing 2/10 - It was too slow in my opinion, with a lot of unnecessary words. I probably wouldn't read further because of this.
Fight and action scenes */10 - I didn't even bother reading because the one-line paragraphs broke immersion for me too quickly.
Emotional impact 6/10 - It was decent, but suffered because of the one-line paragraphs that were overused.
This is my personal opinion. Please understand that I am used to reading thousands of chapters per novel, so I have developed a system to weed out what I consider useless information, which your novel was absolutely filled with. I'm not saying it won't be popular. Some readers love those details, but I personally don't.
I prefer stories with a natural flow that allow me to stay immersed without feeling the need to rush. When a story is filled with overly flowery details that are mostly unimportant, I find myself skipping many paragraphs just to get to the interesting bits.
Your story lost me with the overuse of one-line paragraphs that don't contribute anything meaningful. Before I realized it, I have raced through the chapter and lost the opportunity to truly immerse myself in the story.
Also, there is no overarching plot to drive the character forward into an interesting life. She just wants to live normally and she has achieved that. The story ends there, and there is nothing to look forward to. She has all the powers, her comfortable life is fulfilled, and the only thing left is her character, which in my opinion isn't enough to draw me in.
You might argue that I just haven’t reached it yet, but the fact that it has been 11 chapters and I still haven’t seen it shows that the pacing is too slow for me. Besides, I can tell your story is likely to remain reactive to dangers as they arise, rather than proactive, where the character is actually forced to use her intellect or pursue a meaningful goal in life.
Overall, I wouldn't read your story any further than this. I'm not sorry because this is just my preference. This doesn't mean you don't have an audience. You do, you just need time to find them. Good luck with your work. I wish you the best.
If you could be bothered, feel free to read through and roast me on my original story as well
Great Journey: Whims of Fate
