Is this good as a start point?

[Moon_Light]

Hi thanks for reading this, hope you could help.
Im new to story making, and has alot of ideas to write but now im trying to write a generic(or mid story) i could use as a starting point.

The story is about the mc grew up with some friends at an orphanage and when they became 15 they all got their gift power except the mc who got nothing, a blank status, and for two years they were a party together(this is the typical kicked out from the party).

The mc is in a relationship with one of the girls, but one day they kicked him out saying he was useless(you could say the usual route).

Things i thought adding:

The mc's blank status was actually seen in a hero centuries ago but his history was erased after he turned against humans because of a betrayal.

The mc meets mentors that trained him.(each mentor has his own side of struggles in his life(they were ghosts at that moment, but that was when they were alive) i tried making each of them has their own struggle).

The party's reason of kicking him out is not cartoonishly evil.

And also the mc is a reincarnated part of the hero that got betrayed and the mc meets him later.

Im trying to make this safe generic story while learning the writing story.

 

[L1aei]

Hi thanks for reading this, hope you could help.
Im new to story making, and has alot of ideas to write but now im trying to write a generic(or mid story) i could use as a starting point.

The story is about the mc grew up with some friends at an orphanage and when they became 15 they all got their gift power except the mc who got nothing, a blank status, and for two years they were a party together(this is the typical kicked out from the party).

The mc is in a relationship with one of the girls, but one day they kicked him out saying he was useless(you could say the usual route).

Things i thought adding:

The mc's blank status was actually seen in a hero centuries ago but his history was erased after he turned against humans because of a betrayal.

The mc meets mentors that trained him.(each mentor has his own side of struggles in his life(they were ghosts at that moment, but that was when they were alive) i tried making each of them has their own struggle).

The party's reason of kicking him out is not cartoonishly evil.

And also the mc is a reincarnated part of the hero that got betrayed and the mc meets him later.

Im trying to make this safe generic story while learning the writing story.

So you want to write this as practice, right? We may help with the concept, but wouldn't it be better to see what you can do first? Just write it. Let's see what comes out.

 

[Nyctoria]

So you want to write this as practice, right? We may help with the concept, but wouldn't it be better to see what you can do first? Just write it. Let's see what comes out.

And then we can talk in Discord and figure out the price.

I like Discord. Discord is the best. (The Mossad is listening)

 

[Tabula_Rasa]

Just write it and see what happens.

As the old saying go, 'Fuck around and find out'. its how people experience the world.

 

[Dawnathon]

There's nothing that stands out as egregious. Just go and write it out and see how it flows when you do. Worst case scenario, you get a learning experience of how not to do it next time.

 

[L1aei]

There's nothing that stands out as egregious. Just go and write it out and see how it flows when you do. Worst case scenario, you get a learning experience of how not to do it next time.

And... I'm out of reactions for today. But I liked it.

 

[Ai-chan]

As other said, write it. Then ask for feedback at the end of your chapter. If you have thin skin, ask for mercy. If you feel like you're the hero of your world, ask for blunt honesty.

 

[Moon_Light]

Thanks all of you, its just that i dont really mind harsh words but i kinda hate if the story comes out bad then i intended.

 

[L1aei]

Thanks all of you, its just that i dont really mind harsh words but i kinda hate if the story comes out bad then i intended.

Right, but you're like a cook who's telling us what you intend to make. We can't tell you anything good or bad about it until it's been tasted, and that's not possible until you finish cooking and serve us the dish.

 

[Tabula_Rasa]

i kinda hate if the story comes out bad then i intended.

Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

op?
just write a chapter.
you have literally, nothing to lose.

 

[Moon_Light]

Hey i posted it, the story name is The Unwritten Status
Hope you enjoy it.

 

[L1aei]

Hey i posted it, the story name is The Unwritten Status
Hope you enjoy it.

It won't show up yet; it's got to go through a verification process first and that can take hours up to a day. You have a direct link?

 

[Moon_Light]

Its out now, you can check?

It won't show up yet; it's got to go through a verification process first and that can take hours up to a day. You have a direct link?

 

[L1aei]

Its out now, you can check?

Alright, this felt like a soap opera, and it definitely works as practice. Something you did well was when you refocused on Ray's arm being held by the woman Light likes. Keep that because you're showing the readers what's going on without first explaining it. Yes, you explained it afterwards, but through dialogue. That's a good way to make it clear what was the intent of that embracing gesture.

Also, your use of Light's internal thoughts is consistent, which is good. Really. Yeah, because it keeps your readers in his head. But here's the thing that... it's not that it doesn't work, but you might want to some hedging on those repeated reflections like when there are too many lines having "Light thought..." in a row. It's like I'm hearing an echo rather than what you are trying to do, which is showing progression.

One last thing in your practice chapter. When your chapter piles betrayal, heartbreak, and a bear attack in one frantic swoop onto Light, like... yeesh. In my head? I'm assuming what you were going for, but that didn't really process through me as dramatic; its got this absurd, almost cartoonish vibe. Kind of like Family Guy hitting me with three unrelated gags in ten seconds.

It's a start, but I can see this full chapter being expanded up and split up in multiple chapters. For example, your rescue by the three at the end? That there could be a prologue scene alone to hook readers in. In fact, having the chapter end on Light falling from the cliff might serve as the most blatant cliffhangers. Seriously, it is kind of funny how that would work so well.

Give what I said some thought. Don't respond right away, like... take a day even, it's Sunday. Rest and think it over, okay?

 

[TinaMigarlo]

Dammit. I have a character in a series of my own novels. Her sports nickname was "Little Lightning", and most people call her simply "Light".
can I claim this as fanfiction of my work?
lol.
on second thought? I'm going to s-u-e you.
for... one, *gajillion* dollars.
but? act now, and for a limited time... we can settle out of court. For a four pack of Monster energy drinks and a pack of Marlboro Lights.
(kidding)
but if I scared you, send the monsters and marlboro's anyways.

 

[Moon_Light]

Wait @TinaMigarlo that name is a nickname for your character and mine is as the actual name, so can i take it as you are using mine as a nickname?
Thanks @L1aeiits that i thought maybe readers may not understand who is talking and to not get confused, i think i need some lessons to take.
(Also i asked chatgpt how i can fix it and i kinda got a good examples on how to fix that one, so i will try my best next chapter).
Also i kinda wanted to lay the foundation in this chapter and slow the pace next chapters.
Thanks for that :)

 

[Nolff]

And... I'm out of reactions for today. But I liked it.

View attachment 46301

Okay, what the actual fuck?

How did you even reached that? How much did you reacted???

And for the OP @Moon_Light, can I peep into your first chapter? Also, aim to make good paragraphs with the generic plot. Just write in a style you feel comfortable with, and learn how to phrase the words so then you yourself can see that the readers are able to understand the scene happening in the paragraphs.

 

[L1aei]

Okay, what the actual fuck?

How did you even reached that? How much did you reacted???

And for the OP @Moon_Light, can I peep into your first chapter? Also, aim to make good paragraphs with the generic plot. Just write in a style you feel comfortable with, and learn how to phrase the words so then you yourself can see that the readers are able to understand the scene happening in the paragraphs.

I had enough reactions just now for two comments before I reached this end of the daily cap. I seem to be able to regain one every 10 to 15 minutes.

 

[Nolff]

I had enough reactions just now for two comments before I reached this end of the daily cap. I seem to be able to regain one every 10 to 15 minutes.

View attachment 46326

How the hell?

I swear I've once reacted to 100 posts in a day back then, and still didn't ran out of reactions.

Don't tell me you actually did reacted more than a hundred times in a day every single day?